My 4 year old cant settle or make friends at school

[Hudskov]

My son started school a couple of weeks ago. He started off crying every morning and though things have imrpoved slightly he spend each lunch break clinging on to a teacher and seems really insecure. He is usually quite a confident child and doesnt usually have problems making friends. Can anyone provide me with any tips to make him feel more relaxed about going to school and making new friends? I have tried a few different tactics but dont seem to making much progress.

Thanks, Neil

[ummmm]

Not really as it's hard when we don't know the child. It's not unusual though and a few weeks is not long at all.

[B00]

Awww bless, at 4 years old they're still babies. I firmly believe at that age they're still too young for school- its a big bad scary place!

Anyhoo, as Ummmm has said, its not been that long. Believe it or not he will settle down eventually, the staff there will have seen it all before. Maybe the secret is not to make too much of a fuss of it yourself?

[sophie_1003]

Have you spoken to the teacher about it? She/he should be well practised in helping children make the transition to school and may be able to give you some advice.
Also; if he has at least one friend in the class work on helping him to nurture that friendship first before expecting him to have a wide social circle.

[sherrardk]

I know it must be hard leaving him when he is upset but deep down you must know that you are doing the right thing. I expect he is fine a couple of minutes after you have left him. (My four year old doesn't even say goodbye or give me a kiss - your son will soon be the same.)

[ummmm]

My kids never stopped giving me a kiss goodbye :-)

[Hudskov]

We have tried not to make a big fuss. Me and his mother are separated but try to keep things similar so that he has routine. Its difficult as he has been at nursery from a very young age and this made us think he would take to school quite easily. This hasnt been the case at all. I admit he has never liked change but he has friends from nursery there in his class so its not like he doesnt know anyone.

The problem we have is that he teacher is telling us its a problem and that we all need to keep an eye on it. This makes us feel like its not at all normal, which i gather isnt the case.

[Jemisa]

Our 4 year old G/daughter is exactly the opposite, started last week and never glanced back at her mother who was standing there in tears, Sadie just loves it and is full of it when she comes home,
Probably what helped Sadie was that there was an ajoining pre-school section and she's been going there since she was 3. So moving to BIG school to her is a big achievement. Also many of her little friends who were there at pre-school are now with her at BIG school.
Did not your son go to a nursery school to help him mix with other kids to prepare for just this sort of thing. I would suget too that whoever takes him to school leaves him as quickly as poss, don't hang around, he may be putting on a show for them.
He'll be fine,but I know it can be heartbreaking.

Good luck. - - Jem

[Ankou]

does your child know any of the other children in his school/class?

[Hudskov]

yes he knows a couple of kids from his previous nursery, he will be with one of them after school two days as his mum provides childcare for us. Given he has this i was suprised he is still so insecure

[sophie_1003]

I'm actually writing an assignment on transitions at the moment and there is so much literature on how to make the transition to school easier for children but because of practical reasons schools very rarely (to my knowledge) offer the holy grail of induction/transition procedures.
The teacher's response seems a bit odd as I would describe his behaviour as perfectly normal; if this was continuing after October half term with no improvement then I'd be worried.
Has the teacher offered any practical advice on what to do?

[cazzz1975]

I agree about the teachers attitude to it, her attitude may make your son feel worse. Its very normal for some children to take longer to settle in to nursery than other. in time they do settle in like everyone else.

I would look at asking what kind of strategies they are trying to make your son feel less fearful and happier

[mazie]

I'm not a teacher and have nothing to do with the education system but, if I was a teacher of a very young children and saw a little boy distressed like this I would go out of my way to find him a "buddy", make sure they bonded and encouraged the little one to play with the elected "buddy". I cant see this would be difficult but as I say, I have no experience so I could be talking a load of old whatsit!

[Hudskov]

Hi, sorry my internet has been playing up so havent had a chance to reply. Unfortunately today has been the worst so far. He has started full days ay school. My son was crying from the moment we left my house this morning. He's been the same all day and is now at the childminders crying there too.

I told him he has to go to school and we have to go to work. He cant seem to accept it and is fighting it at every opportunity. I hope we have some progress by the end of the week as it is very hard knowing he is upset and scared. I need to find some kind of way of getting him to accept he has no choice with regards to attending school. Once he gets that then he should start to settle.