breaking your child's spirit

[swedeheart]

What would you have done in this situation? Today I heard a Mum yelling at her boy ”I'm so f˄ck1ng tired of you...!” The boy was about six and they were on their way home probably after a long day at work and preschool respectively. Instead of staying close to his mother he had climbed onto a mountain of snow by the side of the footpath and this was what had set her off, tired and dying to get home as she probably was. Her tone of voice was every bit as aggressive as the wording implies.

I slowed my steps down trying to think of something to say to her that wouldn't make her even more aggressive. Next, the boy slid down the mountain of snow to - reluctantly - join her and I heard her say ”Good job, Charlie! There's a clever boy...” and I felt some relief at what I thought was a happy ending - of sorts. But the full sentence turned out to be ”There's a clever boy, touching the dog pee and everything!” His mitten had happened to touch some yellow snow as he landed at the base of the snow mountain...

She then stormed off at a pace he couldn't have kept had he wanted to. The last thing I saw, he was following behind, slowly, reluctantly. I wanted to tell him there is love in the world but I didn't. In situations like these, two things tend to stop me from acting. One, there's so little ”room” to act and I feel it's likely that this kind of person would only get madder and take it out on the child even more. And two, I don't want to tell a parent off in front of her child. I do believe the child needs to know their parent is in the wrong, but it has to be conveyed in a way that doesn't shame the parent - and how do you do that in this kind of situation? If I know anything at all about psychology, she would be easily offended...

The moment was gone and I did nothing. What would you have done?

[squarebear]

I would have kept my nose out.

[AlBags]

Don't eat Yellow Snow is a good motto : )

Sad, aren't they .. some people/parents?
But what can one do?

[alexanderd]

Not a lot you can do as you would probably have got a mouthful of abuse for interfering

[karenmac60]

I honestly don't know. I was on a bus one day and there were 2 young girls behind me with the son of one of them (he was about 4). They sat laughing and swearing at him and when he started to cry they laughed even harder and his mum said 'aye, you're a wee c***, just like your father' which made him cry even more. They refused to let him sit with them and continued to mock him for the rest of the journey. It took all of my strength not to get up and slap the pair of them - I was physically shaking with rage. Some people just do not deserve the honour of being parents - yet they seem to be the ones who have a bunch of them.

[ummmm]

I would have done nothing.

You haven't a clue what goes on behind closed doors. You haven't a clue why she was stressed. For all you know her husband could have just left her...

Most parents say things that they don't mean at some point. You can't be a perfect parent everyday. Usually life makes sure of that.

[supersuezy24]

Jesus Karen i don't know how you didn't smack them two!

[supersuezy24]

Good point ummmm, my initial reaction would of been to say something but as ummmm said you don't know what'sgoing on in her personal life, normally she could be very patient

[askyourgran]

Nowadays it's best not to say anything. My brother is single lives alone. he loved talking to our children and making them laugh, but alas nowadays he would look pervy. Even I wouldn't say anything nowadays.

karen that is so sad, I wonder if I could have ignored that.

[karenmac60]

It wasn't just me either Suezy - I think everyone on the bus wanted to belt the 2 of them. I had my daughter with me and she was about the same age as the wee boy and she couldn't understand why the boys mum was being so horrible to him.

[swedeheart]

Karen that's unbearable. You must get "flashbacks" to that bus journey quite a bit:'(

[ummmm]

Are you sure it was her son and not her brother? Just as bad either way..

[swedeheart]

She was thirty something, ummmm.

[swedeheart]

Oh you were asking Karen.

[ummmm]

Sorry Swede...I was talking to Karen. I find it hard to believe a Mother could talk to her child like that. In public as well.

Your scenario sounds like someone who has just got to the end of their tether. It happens now and then.

I'm sure my Mother has lost her temper with me. I have no memory of it though. Probably because inbetween me driving her up the wall she was a good Mum.

[karenmac60]

It was her son - he kept calling her mummy and trying to get a cuddle off her.
I would have flashbacks if it weren't for the fact that it's quite common round here. Stupid young girls getting pregnant and not having a clue about how to respect themselves, let alone their children. That's not to say that all young mothers are like that - I know some who are absolutely brilliant, but I know lots who aren't.

[Robinia]

There's nothing you could have done, I see it most days and it saddens me. They have to pass my house to go to two nearby schools and I hear some of them screeching & swearing at very small children...and at 3.30 they're doing the same when they fetch them home. I hate to think that's how their days start & finish, what a life. Having a bad day & being stressed is no excuse for using foul language at a child either.

[Andyvon]

I remember seeing one of two women scream four-letter words at a young girl of about 4 (presumably her daughter) in the busy town a couple of years ago. It was so loud and offensive that many people stopped to watch in astonishment. The little girl acted as if nothing had happened so she was obviously quite use to it!

It all caught me just wrong as these things sometimes do if I'm having a bad day. I strode over while everyone else stood still and I know I have a look that makes people melt when they catch me like that. I bellowed so that everyone could hear "How dare you speak to that child like that you foul-mouthed b***h!" I then just stood glaring at her. The two women looked terrified and quite stunned that anyone would reproach them like that. The one who had screamed at the girl completely changed her tune. She grabbed the girl's hand and spoke to her nicely as she led her away while looking over their shoulders. Several people watching said "Well done" to me as the two harradins scuttled away.

How people can treat young children, other people or the public in general like that is beyond me. They seem to think they can do as they like. Whenever I see people like that, or vandals, or the drunks who stagger towards me on my nightly walks I know exactly how to deal with them. They just seem to melt.

I would have said something Swedeheart but maybe it's harder for you as I'm a 6' 5" man so I tower over idiots like that.

[supersuezy24]

Fair play to you Andyvon

[swedeheart]

Agreed Robinia, it's no excuse - I'm glad you said that. Also, being sarcastic with a child - I believe the wounds will go deep. Andyvon I salute your justified wrath in itself but as for the measures you took do you feel certain it didn't add to the deep-rooted sense of shame that lies at the root of this kind of behaviour in the first place...? ...cos that's what I fear. 'Fraid I don't tower over those idiots like you do... I'm overweight but that doesn't seem to scare them ha ha... Thanks everyone for tonight's replies, I appreciate it. Will look in tomorrow again.

[ummmm]

Swede - Your scenario and Karen and Andy's are different. A Mother losing her temper and getting impatient is completely different. Hey...even kids have bad days.