Is a woman making a mistake choosing never to have a family

[jhosking1981]

Do you think a woman will live to regret it when she is alot older if she never has a child? All of my friends around me are having families and wanting children. I don't think my maternal instinct will ever kick in! I am scared about having no one around when i'm older, but that is about the only thing that would make me feel a little bit inclined to have a child! I do worry about regretting it when i'm older, but I just do not think it is for me! Is that awful and am I making a mistake?!!

[boobesque]

Nope, my best mate has never wanted kids, she has never been maternal and i couldnt ever imagine her having a baby, you only do it if you want not because of pressure from others its your body after all!

[Solarjunkie]

It's hard to say, as sometimes you don't start feeling maternal until you're pregnant or actually have the baby!

I do know several people who decided that the time was right for them and went ahead, hoping things would be fine even thought they did not have that "baby longing" that some people do.
In fact, all these people are now very glad that they took the risk, and are very happy families.

In contrast, I also know some who tried for years to have a baby, it consumed their lives, and when they finally succeeded it was almost an anti-climax and they had some difficulties in adjusting to their new roles.

In some ways, it must have been easier in the old days when babies either arrived or they didn't and there wasn't much you could do about it either way!!

One thing does occur to me, motherhood is obviously something you have been thinking about. Don't wait until the absolutely perfect time, you'll be 62! If you find yourself feeling "this would be a pretty good time to have a child", go for it, but if you don't, you'll be in good company.

Good luck.

[maggie01]

I worked with someone years ago who never wanted children. Never regretted it either. She had a full life.
Having children doesn't necessarily mean they will be there when you get older. Families are fickle sometimes. No guarantees. Follow you instinct and I am sure you won't go wrong.

[nat_84]

My boyfriends Aunt is 50 years old, single, no kids and extremely happy.

She's always out salsa dancing and dating men - living a wonderful life!

So it depends what individuals want from life...

[Pippa68]

My aunt is 55 and never had children. Her & her husband had a very full social life & enjoyed all the trappings a childfree marriage could. They owned a boat, several show cars and were always on holidays.

Every once in a while they would argue about having children and never decided at the same time to have kiddies. Her husband died two years ago and she feels very 'alone'. She has recently said that she now sometimes regrets not having children, but realises that having children just so you aren't alone in later life isn't a good reason for having them!

My take on this is that you may regret not having children later on, but if you have children you will never regret having them. I have never been maternal ~ but I do have 4 children whom I love with all my heart & soul :o)

Whether choosing not to have children is a mistake or not is purely personal. Only you can decide that xx

[jhosking1981]

Thank you all for your advise, it really is good to hear different takes on it,xx

[ganesh]

I think everyone has regrets about their lives or at least thinks about what if they had made or not made that decision.
If you don't want children then don't have them.You don't say how old you are,but I never wanted kids until I was 34 and then I 'had to have them and have them NOW ! 'so your maternal feelings may still suddenly kick in.
This is the danger because you may no longer be very fertile.But you shouldn't have them 'in case' you feel different in the future,you should go with your feelings now.

[jhosking1981]

Thanks Ganesh, i'm twenty six and I totally agree with your comments. I just all of a sudden felt an overwhelming pressure, with alot of my friends and two sisters both having little ones and people asking me if I wanted a family. I know more and more people are having children in their thirties and fourties now and your absoloutely right, by then my maternal instict may have well kicked in!

[ganesh]

I know, I remember the pressure,even from the doctor at the family planning clinic when I was 30,who said," well,if you're going to have children you should have them now!"just ignore them. You're still very young,so you can delay the decision,you'll know when it's the right time.