Unplanned pregnancy....want to keep the baby but worried about money!

[Dean19831983]

Morning all.

Hope you are all good.

Found out Saturday Afternoon that my wife is pregnant (wasnt planned) and we are both having mixed feelings - we both want it....but its the age old money situation. We have alot of debt which is unlikely to change to much for around 4-5 years and we are unsure of what to do. My wife is about to start hopefully a new business which if it is as successful as people have said it could be we will be fine and both be at home working around a child will not be a problem....but we are down sizing our cars, and I am looking into a consolidation loan to reduce our monthly out goings incase the business does not work out.

Not sure if all that makes sense to you all but just need opinions? People say you will manage people in worse financial situations do but is this true or do people just say that to make you feel better?

Any help would be great.

Thanks

[spanner7853]

my opinion is all things happen for a reason planned or not. True, babies are very expensive but if no one had children for this reason then the world would be an empty place. You can get help such as tax credits and there's child benefit once the child is born.

Only you and your wife can make the decision to keep the baby or not. Good luck in what you do decide.

[Psychick]

Firstly...congratulations to you both!

Secondly......before entering into an agreement with a loan company........go to your nearest Citizens Advice Bureau. Explain your financial situation and current circumstances. They will advise you on the best way of dealing with it and what you can/cant do, etc. Even if you choose not to take their advice, at least you will know all the options available to with regards to your financial status...........Good luck!!

[Dean19831983]

Thanks for your comments. We are sitting down tonight and looking at ways to reduce our outgoings even more.

When do we need to think about going to see our doctor? Will he tell us everything we need to know/sort out?

Thanks

[spanner7853]

It would normally be a midwife appointment as the doctor will only confirm that you are pregnant (your wife), you discuss any worries you have with her and she could point you in the right direction. One of the 1st questions they usually ask is whether the pregnancy is planned or not. I would be honest and depending on the decision you take she can talk you through your options. I have 2 older children 13 and 10 and I am currenytly pregnant again. Although it was planned I do worry about money all the time. As Psychick said if you are in financial difficulty speak to CAB they offer free advise and are able to consolidate any debts you may already have.

[ChuffingHell]

I may be scorned for this but here goes...

If you are considering a termination then its obviously one of those things that you don't believe is wrong to do (I agree with you) so I would like to think that no one else is going to come in and say its wrong etc. You are entitled to your own beliefs on this.

You are at a point in your lives where you're considering big risks for potentially big rewards - wife's new business venture - these could be difficult times until things get settled.

Also, once baby is born,wife will probably have to take some time out to care for her before returning to work which could make starting a new venture very impractical (given that you haven't said what she's thinking of doing, I'm speculating here) and any work she puts towards it may come undone during the time out she takes. Furthermore, does she want the stress of that while being pregnant?

Also, there will be no maternity pay if she's not employed by someone. Maternity benefit will be available but this is less than company maternity pay (90% of wage) for the first 6 weeks of maternity leave, at least.

I think there's a "way" to get through most things - the question is, what are you prepared to give up to do it. I have friends in the same situation; they are happy with baby but they have had to give up a lot of their creature comforts to stay afloat and haven't been on holiday for 4 years.

On the flip side, if you're happy about the idea if being parents now then you can't ignore those feelings.

Sit down and talk through the pro's and cons, identify what you'll have to sacrifice and how long for. Then chuck all that out of the window and go with your instincts.

[aims1202]

I would say follow your hearts, not your heads.
I was and on my own when i had my son and i have been a stay at home mum on benefits. I wouldnt say its easy but if you are inventive and careful and if luxuries are not important to you then it will be fine. I have to say that i am very happy. I do not have car, i have a bike instead. But my son does not miss out at all. When he was a baby i bought only the essentials and bought them second hand, i then sold them on after. I was lucky to be given lots of stuff too. We do loads of fun things, usually free but if we want to go somewhere thats costs i will save for it. I always take food with us when we go out to save money that way. We are very lucky that we have such generous family and friends and my son does get plenty of presents at xmas and birthdays. This is not everything though and having fun and giving time are so much more important. If you have kids on a low budget you just have to be careful. I make sure there is money for food and bills then see whats left. I am also very good at saving and will pretend to myself i have less money than i do and so save the extra bit.
One of the things that really helped me to was to get rid of my debts. I was unable to pay them enough so i had no choice but to make myself bankrupt. This is obviously not right for everyone but the best thing for me was the fact i couldnt get credit anymore. It means my money each week is all i can spend so i am more careful with it. Credit only makes you poorer so even if you have to still pay off your debts now, i would say cut up your credit cards and dont get any more credit!
Whatever you decide i hope it works out for you, good luck.

[Preggie_Sam]

Money is not the bee all and end all!! E-bay do some great things,,,and if you do decide to keep, shop around before buying anything!! Things happen for a reason...my pregnancy was not planned - and alot of people advised me not to keep...i followed my heart!! Think you and your wife should do the same - good luck Sam x x x x

[Ebbs]

To be honest i dont think you should think about the money. What really matters is what decision you and your Wife can live with, either decision is going to effect both of you for the rest of your lives.
I could go on about being abandoned when pregnant, having nothing, searching car boot sales and charity shops for baby stuff. People do most of the time manage but that doesn't mean everyone can or that would be the best decision for you both.

[winny]

Hey if any of us waited till we could afford a baby no one would have one. Somehow you manage and as sam says look for bargins and you can save loads and yourchild will never look like the second hand kid. You will find lots of mums are all very proud of their bargins. Most baby stuff is well looked after and in perfect condition when sold.
Keep communicating is the key and all will be well xxxxx

[Dean19831983]

Thanks again.

My wife is 5 weeks currently when should we see the doctor & arrange an appointment with a midwife?

Dean

[spanner7853]

when you want to. You usually go when you find out your pregnant about 5 or 6 weeks and then have a booking in appointment around 10 to 12 weeks.

[Preggie_Sam]

I went to see the doc the day i found out (6weeks) lol and she had to confirm it, which took about a week (its a LOOOOOONG week) lol but go asap....get the ball rolling hehe....have you thought anymore on what you and ur wife are going to do???

Sam x

[Dean19831983]

Hi all

Just to let you know we are keeping the baby. We are both very happy. Might be a bit tight for a while but will be worth it.

Thanks

Dean

[miss.brad]

hi, ive just read your question and all the replies you got, and now to read that youve decided to keep the baby has put a lump in my throat + tear in my eye! im so pleased for you both..... CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! x x

[Dean19831983]

Thanks very much miss.brad. We are dead happy. Making changes already, changing our freelander for a couple of Mondeos i think, off to look at a couple tonight

Cheers

Dean

[sexyrussiann]

Often people are better off financially having a baby. The givernment gives high benefits for babies.

[sexyrussiann]

Anynoe who decides to end their babies ife because they might not have quite enough money is a pretty sick individual!