help and advice please?

[eeyore84]

i already have a 3 and half year old son. a couple of weeks ago i started having symptoms of chylamidia (not sure of spelling) so i went to the clinic for a test. the results came back also saying that i am 4 months pregnant which a had no idea about!! the last thing i want right now is another child, i dont agree with abortion even in the earliest stages of pregnancy let alone 4 months on. but i am booked in for one next week because i feel its the right thing to do in my situation. can anyone just give me some reassurance that its ok to do. and im sorry to all of you that strongly disagree with it if you find it offensive, thanks x

[andy-hughes]

as a man, I cannot begin to imagine the emotional trauma of an abortion, but as an individual, I firmly believe in the right of every woman to decide if she bears a child or not.

It is very easy to take the moral high ground on the issue of abortion - especially by people who are not, and never will be in the position of people such as yourself who have to make this decision.

If you feel that an abortion is the right thing for you, then you should go ahead. Obviously this is not a choice you make lightly, and I know you will have to think it through very seriously before your final choice is made.

But that is the essential element of the dilema - 'choice', and that choice is yours and no-one else's.

I am well aware of all the moral and humanitarian arguments against abortion, but i still firmly believe that every woman has the right of choice about her own situation.

I hope this helps, and wish you peace with which ever decisin you make.

[redcrx]

I agree with Andy, at the end of the day its your choice, no-one elses. I dont for one moment assume that the choice was an easy one and i hope that you are getting counselling to help with the feelings that you are and may well in future experience over this decision.

You can only ever make the right decision at the time based on the circumstances.

I hope all goes well for you.

[warpig3]

eeyore only you can make this decision and no one can reassure you that it is the right thing to do, you must know in your heart that your are doing the right thing considering the circumstances.

I had an abortion many years ago and at the time it was the right thing to do, I knew it then as I know it now. that did not make it any easier, it is not a decision that anyone with half a brain would enter into lightly.

Given that you dont agree with abortion I would advise you to speak to someone, your GP, a counsellor perhaps as the effects of an abortion can be long lasting and far reaching emotionally even for someone (like me) who does agree with it.

Please think very carefully and consider all the options before making a decision, and you will come to the right decision in the end whatever you decide.

warpig xx

[4getmenot]

I dont know what words I can say to make you feel any better about your choice, but thats just what it is your choice, but you will need some help and counselling. My friend had an abortion at 4 months but because of complications and it cut her up. another friend had an abortion and was in same situation as you just not ready, she was too young and never even told the father, now she is married to that same man and ready for a baby but is worrying her self so much that it will all get out about her previous abortion. She still gets upset about it but I have to reassure her at that time she wasnt in the best position at all and she did what she felt was right. You will look back in years to come and know that you did the right thing.

[natalie_1982]

As others have said eeyore, only you can make this decision, bt I strongly urge you to speak to somebody professional about it. I can only imagine that having already had a child would make the decision even harder to make, especially when you don't agree with it.

I had an abortion some years ago, it was difficult for me as someone who agrees with abortion and mine happened at an earlier stage than you will be going through. I still think about the termination from time to time, but it gets easier and I know that I made the right decision - now I am happily settled and am a couple of weeks off having my first baby, which I am ready for.

Best of luck with everything hun xx

4get, as for your friend, I had to mention any previous pregnancies at my booking in appt, I don't know if this is true for everyone or if your friend is likely to be "found out". Can she not have a quiet word with the midwife?

[4getmenot]

I said the notes are private and she should really have a word, but I know from redcrx you have to fill out forms honestly about whether you have had an abortion before. she is so worried he will find out that she got rid of their baby. It was about 8yrs ago she was very young and he didnt want to know her at the time and she was in a hostel. Thing is she never told any of us till last year when she went for a docs appointment and saw her file and some pics of the baby and it bought it all back.

[annie0000]

I would never judge someones else's decision, and I am not anti abortion, but I know I could never live with myself if I had one, so all I would say is only you know yourself that well to know if you would cope or not. Having said that, i think it would be more cruel to bring an unwanted child into the world or mistreat a child as you couldn't cope with. Hope you make the right decision for you and your son. Would adoption be an option for you?

It looks like you are looking for permission from strangers to have an abortion, whilst everyone here so far has been very supportive and helpful, at the end of the day we switch of our PCs and go on with our own lives and problems and the fact that you have had or haven't had an abortion will not impact at all. For you it will, your life will now change whatever decision you take and it is not easy to see what the future holds either way.

Best of luck.

[eeyore84]

thankyou everyone for your supportive thoughts, not one bad word, which i was expecting.

i have thought about adoption but i think that would be even harder, having to go through a full pregnancy and labour then give the child away, i couldn't cope with that at all.

i will just stick to the decision i know is right for me and take any councelling which is offered, thanks again.

[warpig3]

Hi eeyore, just wondering how you are doing honey, have been think about you, hope all is well whatever you decided.

warpig xxx