Pregnant

[wisewomen]

We dont know what to do.

We've just found out we are 5 weeks pregnant.

We moved house last Nov and are finding that we are struggling financially more than we expected. We cannot afford to sell due to the cost of moving and the state of the housing market but we cannot afford the house and a baby. Cannot bring ourselves to abort the baby either.

What should/could we do?

[redcrx]

Sorry you have found yourself in such a situation, it must be heartbreaking for you both. if you cant bring yourself to abort the baby (at this early in a pregnancy its 'easier' than later, in the medical sense). Youve also got the option of adoption.

but have you really looked into the costs of having a baby and its implications on your finances?

You can spend a fortune on having the latest gadgets, disposable nappies, formula. And yet there are always cheaper ways around it. Breastfeeding is free, reusable nappies work out cheaper in long run and many councils do offers on a start set. You will often find friends and relatives willing to lend or give you basic baby equipment too. A baby doesnt need a lot of the things parents buy, what it does need is food, clothes to keep it warm and somewhere safe to sleep, and most important is to be loved and wanted.

There is child benefit (�18 per week for all families) family credit (for a lot of families) and working tax credit (for a few families) available and should you return to work you can claim towards childcare too.

Im not sure if youve looked into it but hope that this may give you an idea of options.

[4getmenot]

I'm so sorry to hear that and it also makes my blood boil, when you have obviously worked hard to but a house and now you cant afford a family when there are people that get pregnant just to get a house and all the benefits. I too am wanting a family in next couple of years but know I will need a bigger house that will take both our wages and then I wonder how I will work. I dont know what you can do in this day and age. Its ridiculous.

[wisewomen]

The cost of the baby itself will not be problem but we cannot afford for me not to be bringing in a wage and cannot afford full time childcare. Both our parents are an hours car ride away!!

Unfortunately we do not qualify for any benefits as our household income is too high!!

[sliminside]

Please don't even consider aborting. Do you have any family that will be able to help you? Grandparents maybe? To be honest, if you planned having children "when you could afford them", you probably would never have them! Do you both work? Shop around for used baby things like pushchairs etc. Asda, Tesco, Matalan and such sell very reasonably priced babywear, and once people know there is a new baby on the way, they are usually very generous. Try not to worry, enjoy the pregnancy, things will get better. We always find ways of coping to get by and you will do to. Good luck. xx

[redcrx]

you must be earning a heck of a lot not to get child tax credit towards child care. Look into it online and put some approx figures together to see. Some employers offer voucher schemes for child care too. Can you rent out your house and move somewhere cheaper?

If you are adamant that you cant afford it then really you have little option, sorry

[wisewomen]

All our family live about an hours drive away. Our joint income is over �40k, with our employers not offering childcare vouchers and our house would not rent for enough to cover the mortgage.

We may just have to try and sell and downsize :-(

As I said we can afford the monthly cost of a baby but not the childcare which we estimate at about �400 per month!!

[natalie_1982]

wisewoman I am in virtually the same situation as you, we moved into our first house in June last year and knew it was going to be tough, then we found out we were having a baby (I was due last week - it's still not here yet though). None of our parents are in a position to help with childcare or finances, except for maybe my dad who lives 200miles away!

Our joint income is about �38K, I did an online application tax credits yesterday and whilst I am off work on mat leave with baby I should get approx �20 per week.

I will have to pay approx �150 per week (4days) childcare, my workplace offer childcare vouchers through Imagine Co-operative (I think even if your workplace does not offer them you can still open an account with them - check the website). I can't get it up to post a likn at the mo but Google "Imagine Co operative"
I have done a quick calulation online and if I didn't get childcare vouchers then I would be entitled to approx �50 per week tax credits to hepl towards childcare.

We have been buying bits and peices throughout the pregnancy to try and prepare as we know it is going to be tough. For example, the moses basket is beautiful and cost �5 from a charity shop, the other moses basket was given to us by a friend, my mum is buying the cot, thanks to money / voucher gifts from my dad, friends and colleagues we were able to buy a travel system, although you can pick these up on ebay fairly cheaply. Each week when doing the shopping at Tesco we would buy one or two items like a pack of sleepsuits, bottles or nappies to try and help out once baby is here. Primark sell blankets for about �2 each, as well as bibs and other bits and peices - the baby won't care what label it is wearing ;-)

[natalie_1982]

Either way, don't despair and don't sell up in a mad panic just yet - do you have to keep your job? Couldn't working evenings be an option? What about getting a cleaning / Saturday job on top of your full time job? Sometimes by going part time, because your wages are lower you are actually entitled to more benefits and so could be better off. Do you have a spare room in which you could get a lodger or exchange students?

I know none of the above situations are ideal but they are options we are going to have to consider when I go back to work in October. Hopefully *fingers crossed* we won't need to, but there are options there.

[natalie_1982]

Incidentally, Red, (sorry to hijack the thread wisewoman), is child benefit paid seperately to tax credits or are they one and the same?

[Cockney_si]

I can hear my heart bleeding for you.

[daffidazey]

Child benefit is standard issue, nat. You should get the pack to fill in when you have had the baby. Tax credits is entirely separate.
wisewoman, I would do as redcrx has suggested and look into tax credits. They have an online calculater, type in different income scenarios that you may have eg if you do or don't go back to work. Hopefully they will give you some help. We have a reasonably high income of around the �40,000 mark and we get a bit of help from them. Good luck whatever you decide. Daffi x

[4getmenot]

Do you want children?? Do you think you will ever be able to afford to?

[redcrx]

Nat, exactly as Daffi says, child benefit is paid to every family as a seperate thing. It does not depend on income at all.

You cant apply until you get your birth certificate but its back dated to babys birth and paid directly into bank account every month.

[natalie_1982]

Thanks Red and Daffi.

Errr... Si was that directed at me?

[wisewomen]

Ive always wanted children and my partner is coming round to the idea :-)

We cannot get rid of a child on financial grounds alone, I doubt anyone would let us anyway. Just dont know what to do for the best.

We bought the family house hoping to put a family in it. But what with souring energy bills and having our 2 year fixed mortgage expire in Feb 09 (which might even go up the way things are going) it just seems like an impossible situation :-(

[daffidazey]

You can request to have it paid weekly if you wish, I did. I know most prefer it monthly, maybe I am odd! I like getting mine every tuesday.
Sorry for the slight change of topic, wisewoman x

[4getmenot]

I'd go for it. If you have always wanted children I dont think times are gonna get any better and I would have it now while you can. Also have you ever thought you might abort this child and have complications and never be able to have children and this be your last chance.

[daffidazey]

wisewoman, please find out what help you can get. It sounds like you really want this baby. I hope it all works out for you.
p.s my previous post was aimed at nat about child benefit. the other posts weren't there when I started typing! x

[natalie_1982]

Thanks Daffi - I think weekly would be best for us too - payday is monthyl and that takes soooo long to come around!

Oh, and if you ring Tax Credits for a quote wisewoman, don't be put off off if they say they can't help.... a few of us preggie ABers have had this, and the Tax Credit people are right in what they say, they can't give you a quote over the phone until baby is here, but you are able to do a pretend online application which should give you some idea.

You never know what is going to be around the next corner wisewoman, and it doesn't necessarily mean soaring bills and mortgage hikes. Best of luck with whatever you decide xx

[Cockney_si]

I had to make sacrifices and go without stuff to make way for baby. I'd be lucky if the joint income equalled 19K so I'm sure its not that much of a financial struggle.