daughter pregnant

[bboukma]

my 19 year old single daughter is pregnant. the on again off again Bfriend didn't even have the balls to come and talk to us, in fact the week after her 19th birthday, he broke it off with her stating"he needed some time to think about if he really wants to be with her"....

[redcrx]

it helps if you reply to your original thread.

Your daughter has to decide what she is going to do, you can only support her decision.

at 19 its hardly surprising her boyfriend is scared and wants to think, but Im sure shes feeling the same. It takes two to tango but only one has to endure pregnancy.

[bboukma]

agreed! Unfortunately it will be my husband and I who will need to be the ones to financially, emotionally pick up the pieces. She is in no position, financially, emotionally, to have a child at this point in her life.
I have made contact with a few counseling places in our area and we are going to sit down for a lengthy discussion today. As I told her last night, she needs to be fully educated on the pros and cons of all options before she can make a concious decision.

[redcrx]

exactly, have her read up on all the options available to her and obviously allow her to decide.
Raising a child alone and at 19 isnt the easiest of things to do but its her choice.
good luck

[karmgirl]

and also a note on abortion - can also be a very painful decision and many people are fine afterwards but some people will be wondering what if and may think about if they will get a second chance to have a baby later in life so its by no means an easy solution

[Im a BusyBee]

the same happened to my daughter at 17, b/f finished with her long before i knew she was pregnant - but as soon as he knew he was off. She was adamant she wanted to keep the baby. I was worried and scared for her as thought she didnt realise what she was taking on. It hasnt been easy, he appeared in central delivery when she went into labour and they decided to get together again. That lasted few months and he left her in big financial trouble. to cut a long story short my grandson is now just 4yrs old and she has done a wonderful job on her own, it made her grow up quickly, they think the world of each other and we couldnt imagine life without him now. If she decides to go keep the baby im sure it will turn out ok.

[tyjae100]

I dont exactly understand this is a young lady not a child,why are you contacting the counselling places she needs to do it herself,this is in no way meant to come across as me been negative,this is just a subject close to my heart and the reason I say she should be doing this herself is whichever option she decides to take she could end up regreting in the future,and blaming you for pushing her into it,she needs to do it in her own time,now I obviously no time is limited,but her mind and body has just had a huge shock and she may just need a week or to to adjust to the reality that she is pregnant,otherwise she will enter the counselling with her mind made up,but she hasnt actually thought about it properly.I hope you understand where I am coming from,as a mother all you can do is stand by your daughter and reassure her of your love and support.

And yes as redcrx said becoming a mother at 19 isnt easy,but is it easy at any age?

I wish you and your daughter luck,and hope she makes the right desicion

[jenniprice]

Surely she needs love and support from her mother tyjae 100, and I'm sure any young lady at any age would appreciate it.
Her mothers not booked her into an abortion clinic, she's booked her to see a councillor who will discuss the issues and to help her make up her mind.

I think it is good what you've done as any single woman who is pregnant would appreciate it whether 19 or 40.

Just support her and listen to her as others say, but 19 is young when haven't got a home, partner or financial security.

[tyjae100]

I know jenni,i did actually state my advice is not meant to be negative,I was just unsure how to put it across so bboukma understood exactly what I meant,I was speaking from personal experience of a very similar situation,where I was given alot of advice,you feel bombarded,and a counsellor at that stage is not a good idea that was all I meant,I was the same age didnt have an abortion but felt pushed into keeping it,Im glad I did now but its horrible at the time,and im sure thats how this young girl feels,confused I mean,she needs to get through that herself,and then make the decision to see the counsellor when she is ready.
I am very sorry for any confusion,my only intention is to give a little advice,that may help this poor girl and her mother,thats the joy of advice you can take it or leave it,so bboukma can make up her own mind,hopefully she will take just a little of what I have said on board

[carliex]

A year may seem like a lot but its not and I am only a year older than this young girl, I found out I was Pregnant on my 20th birthday, I was scared to death, I was only a trainee on an apprentice wage, my partner was on a low wage as he was also training we were both living at home so we didn�t have our own place, we would go out every weekend, but even though I constantly thought oh i god I cant do this, I also thought I need to grow up and realise this is my own fault not my babies fault and my baby deserves to have a life so I told my mum who was worried but told me I had to make the decision on my own or with my partner she was not getting involved and she would stick by me what ever decision I made, because she said this I felt I could actually talk to her like an adult not mother to child, then I went to work and worked extra shifts paid my keep, then saved every penny, I told college my situation who then helped me complete my course by taking extra lessons, lucky for me my partner stuck by me and did the same with work and college but even if he didn�t I new I would have to still take responsibility, im now due in just 10weeks im qualified so is my partner, saved up from the start and bought everything I need, my parents have bought me a house which I pay rent for, I understand not everyone can do that! But what im trying to say is this decision needs to be made by her and her only she needs to know you are there if she wants to talk to you but she has to take responsibility and make the decision on her own! Maybe she doesn�t want to see a councillor and if she doesn�t don�t make her! Talk to her as an adult because she maybe your little girl but she�s in an adult situation and you will notice how much she grows up over the next few months. You will also notice how much closer you get because you have been through what she is going through and you are the one she looks up to!

Good luck xx