outsiders point of view please..........

[puma86]

Hey Abers,

Mr Puma and I are fast approaching our 'mark' on the calendar for when to stop using/taking contraceptives. Mr Puma is more than happy to go ahead with previous plans to start trying for baby no.2 from this date, I on the other hand find myself making feeble excuses and silly reasons as to why we should wait.

I was, only last month happy to continue with our plans, but now we're only a month away i'm wussing out lol. I'm struggling with the thought of having to take my currently undivided attention away from DS1 (15months). Mr Puma has said that regardless of mini Puma's age I will eventually have to take my full attention away from him when we have another. This I know is true, and possibly it will be easier for mini Puma to adapt to not having his mummy's full attention at a younger age than later on.

What I would like to know from you all is...........
Did you feel the same as I do in the beggining but all worked out ok?
Was a bigger age gap between LO's better or a smaller age gap?
Am I being silly?
Should I just 'go for it'?

[redcrx]

sorry puma, only you can answer it.
what i will say is that the first few months of pregnancy where you can fall asleep at drop of hat are a lot harder second time around as you cant rest when you need to.
my son was just over 2 years old when i fell pregnant with my daughter but it wasnt a conscious decision to have another child.

[redcrx]

ooops, sorry meant to add, that i reckon the majority of my friends going from 1 to 2 children were terrified of having to share their attention, but all managed.

[mrs_overall]

I had grand plans on the perfect age gap between my children. After several miscarriages and a stillbirth I was just grateful to have baby no. 2 and then baby no. 3.
There are pro's and cons for small and large age gaps and you could drive yourself mad thinking about it.
Just go for it.

[puma86]

Thank you both for your replies.

I was secretly hoping that i would be told to go for it, so thank you :o)
I guess i've answered my own question there haven't I - secretly hoping that others would 'spur me on' :o)
Mr Puma will be pleased

[puma86]

red, sorry forgot to say. I won't be able to fall asleep regardless as i'll still be at work until baby no.2 is nearly due :o(

[redcrx]

i worked up til i gave birth so can sympathise there (42 weeks with first and 40+4 with second)
But with my first i would come home from work, fall asleep on sofa, wake briefly for food and bath and then fall asleep for night. With second there was no chance of that rest and it was very very tiring lol

[tigwig]

Like others have said its how you feel that matters not what we think. I have a toddler the exact same age as yours and to be honest the thought of having another fills me with dread. I'm just glad he is my 2nd so I dont have to lol!
If you want to wait, wait. There is no right or wrong age gap. After my daughter I was convinced I would never want another and I felt the same until she was 5 even though people would constantly ask when we were having another. It was weird really, something just changed and I was so intenslely broody I couldnt ignore it! So she was 5 and a half when my baby was born and I personally think the age gap was brilliant for us. She understood everything that was happening and wasnt jealous when he arrived at all. She is helpful and loves him to bits. I think its very hard with a toddler and a baby as the toddler doesnt understand fully and is very likely to be jealous but of course they will learn and thousands of people have their kidsclose together. Its your choice hun.

[puma86]

Awwww red :o(

red - Would you have said looking back that you would have waited a little longer?

tigwig - Thank you for your reply. It's good to hear that the age gap worked well. Mr Puma's sister has a 7yr age gap between her children and she's having a nightmare of a time. Her daughter is struggling for attention and has been putting on her baby brothers nappies at home and has wetted one recently! Shes always been demanding (a little Madam most times). All very solvable in my eyes, Mum just needs to spend some alone time with her daughter. Still, hey ho.

Thanks again girls :o)

[sherrardk]

There are three and a half years between my two eldest and I sometimes wish they were closer in age. Yes, it is hard when you have your second one and I was full of guilt about not having enough love to go around but that feeling passes. It is always going to be hard work being pregnant and looking after a toddler/young child but it is your decision. (It can't be that bad as I now have five with only seven years between the eldest and the youngest.). Good luck.

[redcrx]

I think that if i had the choice i may have waited but not much longer. But i just let nature make the decision, ie the occasional lapse in contraception lol.

[puma86]

lol red.

Thanks sherrard :o) thats some hard work put in by you then!! I guess it is true that if it was that bad people wouldn't do it, bit like childbirth ay?! lol

many thanks all
xx

[annie0000]

I have 13 months between my two which was not entirely planned or unplanned. Yes, it is exhausting working while pregnant and with another infant to care for, but it does pay dividends further down the line. My eldest can't remember it ever just being him and we never really had the jealousy thing going at all - except for the occasional spats - but you will find that there is room on your knee for two. I do sometimes think that they both never really had the time to be babies. But, i think that they gained so much more from growing up together. I am lucky that my two boys are friends and share similar interests and sense of humour - I hope they stay close as they grow into adulthood (they are 10 and 9 now).

I don't think there is an ideal gap, you just do what you need to do and what suits one person doesn't suit another - remember that their personality will also have a bearing on what works, but by the time you know that, it's usually too late! I have a friend who has two girls with a similar gap to mine and they never got along and still don't at 16 and 15.

I'd just go for it.