Torn between looking after Mother In Law and daughter

[katystar]

My mother in law has found out shes having a pacemaker fitted on the 25th of this month.she lives on her own 50 miles away and I usually go stay with her when she needs me.However my daughters first baby is due on the 27th and though she has a supportive partner she wants me to be on hand! How serious is a fitting of a pacemaker? M.I.Law is 88 years old.

[cc1]

I would think that having a pacemaker fitted is more serious than giving birth, it involves a greater intervention, having a baby is more natural and straightforward. I've never understood why women want their mothers on hand, in a couple of months, they'll be complaning about interference. Just get on with it! And yes, I have, twice to be precise, in another country, blisssssssssss!

[sherrardk]

Difficult one - does your MIL not have anyone else, is your husband/partner around to help out. My mother wasn't bothered when I had any of my children but I can understand that you would want to be around for your daughter (but babies are not very good at punctuality). 50 miles is not so far, do you drive?

[katystar]

Yes I drive and you're right its only an hour away.Any idea how long the recovery usually is? Theres no one else,my husband always leaves it to me to do the nursing bit!

[puzzled54]

Surely you must want to be with your daughter, I know I would. Let your husband do his bit for his mother.

[Maydup]

Busy times ahead for you katystar but i thnk you've no choice but to try and do both. Otherwise one or other will feel let down and you will feel guilty thorughout. Go to MIL on the undertsanding that if you can you're going to whizz off to your daughter and back again.

You'll be tired out if it does all happen at once but you'll be appreciated (and admired by us all if no-one else!) You never know you might be able to encourage OH to take over at his Mum's when he sees you tearing about.

Maybe think about stocking up yours and MIL's freezers to save a bit of time and remember it'll all be over in no time. I hope all goes well for everyone concerned.

[Prudie]

If your husband's around then he should do his mother and you be there for your daughter as she's asked you. For a first baby I think it's more important, I resented my mother for years for not making the effort to travel and see me when I had my baby.

[ladybirder]

I can never understand why a daughter would want her mother there when she has her partner at the birth. I would feel like I was intruding. And does her partner want you there as well? If so go, and tell your husband to look after his mother. It sounds as if they've all got you running around after them. Oooh aren't I hardhearted.

[pips1]

My mother is 88 too and very vulnerable, they get scared at that age about everything! I would go to see MIL first, particularly as your daughter has a supportive partner. My mum wasn't around when I gave birth as I just wanted my husband there and no-one else, but I do know how you feel, particularly as it is her first and she's asked you. Oh dear, doesn't life have to be awkward - bad timing!! Good luck, my first baby was 2 weeks late so you may well fit both in.

[Prudie]

I'd assumed katy meant her daughter wanted her on hand after the birth, not at the birth.

[Maydup]

Yes I took it that katy's daughter wants her "on hand" rather than actually at the birth necessarily. To be there later soon after the birth, to be lcose by in the first few days at home. All OK from 50 miles away if you had to.

[Maydup]

^^ close by

[crisgal]

after my mum's pacemaker was fitted, she didn't need 'nursing' as such. She couldn't raise her left arm though, and needed a bit of help dressing. She was a bit sore and tender for a few days.
Your husband needs to get off his backside and go and see to his mum. I don't understand why he's not doing!
Is he not well himself?

[katystar]

Thanks everone for your answers.I think its just the embarassment of helping his Mother with intimate things.Hes very good to her.Think I was just worked up when I posted my question as I'd wanted someone to talk to outside the family and now I've time to think I'm sure we'll sort something out and keep everyone happy!