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Arghhh!!!
28 Answers
As above. I'm feeling a tad stressed, and need to let it out!
There's been lots going on in my family recently, and the new one is my sister sending her son away to boarding school... which has gone down like a lead balloon.
Oh, I don't really know where to start with it all, as so much has happened this year.
She lost her husband, late summer, and the eldest child has been playing up recently, as in misbehaving. We all say this is probably a "cry for help", and his way of dealing with his emotions. We've suggested she seeks professional help (we've all tried, but it's gone beyond that) and maybe arranges for him to see a counselor, but she's having none of it.
She turned to Islam a few years ago, and plans on sending him to a Muslim boarding school next year. They way she speaks about it, it sounds more of a prison, than a school! My poor parents are worried sick, and really don't want him to go. She says it's her choice (which it obviously is) and that he's going whether he likes it or not. She said she can't handle him, and that if he's like this now, "imagine what he's going to be like when he's 15". (He's 11, by the way).
I just spoke to her on the phone, as my Mum said she's been really down. I tried to speak to her about her husbands passing, and how she's feeling, but all she wants to speak about is religion and this new boarding school thing.
I ended up hanging up. I know that's awful, and I feel really bad, but I try to tell her I'm not interested in Islam, but she doesn't listen.
My parents are now sick with worry, as they don't believe her son, their grandchild, wants to go and that she is "forcing" him.
I even said to my sister that, if she's having trouble with him, why doesn't she let him come and stay with me and my children for a while. She said no. Apparently he needs to be around "the brothers" and have a Muslim education.
My parents aren't even allowed to speak to him on the phone, so they can't speak to him about it, and ask what he thinks.
So they have any "rights" with this kind of thing? Can she make him go, even if he doesn't want to, or would the grandparents get a say in it, if push came to shove?
I hate, hate, hate asking this kind of thing on here, as I always worry one of my family members could see it.
However, I'm asking this with the best intentions at heart, and I just want to try and help my parents out with their worry and concern.
Thanks.
There's been lots going on in my family recently, and the new one is my sister sending her son away to boarding school... which has gone down like a lead balloon.
Oh, I don't really know where to start with it all, as so much has happened this year.
She lost her husband, late summer, and the eldest child has been playing up recently, as in misbehaving. We all say this is probably a "cry for help", and his way of dealing with his emotions. We've suggested she seeks professional help (we've all tried, but it's gone beyond that) and maybe arranges for him to see a counselor, but she's having none of it.
She turned to Islam a few years ago, and plans on sending him to a Muslim boarding school next year. They way she speaks about it, it sounds more of a prison, than a school! My poor parents are worried sick, and really don't want him to go. She says it's her choice (which it obviously is) and that he's going whether he likes it or not. She said she can't handle him, and that if he's like this now, "imagine what he's going to be like when he's 15". (He's 11, by the way).
I just spoke to her on the phone, as my Mum said she's been really down. I tried to speak to her about her husbands passing, and how she's feeling, but all she wants to speak about is religion and this new boarding school thing.
I ended up hanging up. I know that's awful, and I feel really bad, but I try to tell her I'm not interested in Islam, but she doesn't listen.
My parents are now sick with worry, as they don't believe her son, their grandchild, wants to go and that she is "forcing" him.
I even said to my sister that, if she's having trouble with him, why doesn't she let him come and stay with me and my children for a while. She said no. Apparently he needs to be around "the brothers" and have a Muslim education.
My parents aren't even allowed to speak to him on the phone, so they can't speak to him about it, and ask what he thinks.
So they have any "rights" with this kind of thing? Can she make him go, even if he doesn't want to, or would the grandparents get a say in it, if push came to shove?
I hate, hate, hate asking this kind of thing on here, as I always worry one of my family members could see it.
However, I'm asking this with the best intentions at heart, and I just want to try and help my parents out with their worry and concern.
Thanks.
Answers
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What an obnoxious person you are, responding to my answer in such a way.
Lost her husband late summer , turned to islam a few years ago , wants to send her son to a muslim boarding school.
As i said it sounds like it might be a good thing for him.It really doesnt have anything to do with her extended family how she wants her son educated , as long as she isnt mistreating or neglecting him , which she doesnt appear to be , from what you have posted.Children dont always want to go to school of any sort , but must do as they are told by their parents as long as they are in their care.
Have i missed something?
Lost her husband late summer , turned to islam a few years ago , wants to send her son to a muslim boarding school.
As i said it sounds like it might be a good thing for him.It really doesnt have anything to do with her extended family how she wants her son educated , as long as she isnt mistreating or neglecting him , which she doesnt appear to be , from what you have posted.Children dont always want to go to school of any sort , but must do as they are told by their parents as long as they are in their care.
Have i missed something?
Was your sister planning on sending your nephew to boarding school regardless? If not, your nephew may see it as a form of punishment like his mum wants him out of the way.
My dad died suddenly when I was 11, my brother was 10 and sister was 6. Grief affected us all in different ways. I always remember feeling so scared my mum would die too and always wanted to be with her. I never really wanted a social life as a teenager, I was happy to be with my mum.
However, I felt very responsible for my mum and felt like I was her mother at times.
If your nephew was with his mum all the time, would he feel a pressure to look after his mum and be man of the house?
It's a very difficult one to be honest. It all depends if your nephew is happy to go to boarding school.
I think it would be hard enough going to boarding school anyway let alone when you're going through grief. I really hope your sister is 100% in her decision.
My dad died suddenly when I was 11, my brother was 10 and sister was 6. Grief affected us all in different ways. I always remember feeling so scared my mum would die too and always wanted to be with her. I never really wanted a social life as a teenager, I was happy to be with my mum.
However, I felt very responsible for my mum and felt like I was her mother at times.
If your nephew was with his mum all the time, would he feel a pressure to look after his mum and be man of the house?
It's a very difficult one to be honest. It all depends if your nephew is happy to go to boarding school.
I think it would be hard enough going to boarding school anyway let alone when you're going through grief. I really hope your sister is 100% in her decision.
As i said before, loads of people send their kids to boarding school for loads of reasons. boarding schools ALL are a bit like prisons - you can't give loads of freedoms to an 11 year old. if the mum has decided that this course of action is what's best for HER family at this time, who is anyone else to say that's wrong? It's like saying you've decided not to send your children to boarding school, but because she thinks it's best that your children go, she's going to pressure you to do it (the same way you seem to want to pressure her NOT to do it).
Ultimately, the boarding school may or may not turn out to have been the "right" thing to have done, but for her and her family, it's the right thing now
Ultimately, the boarding school may or may not turn out to have been the "right" thing to have done, but for her and her family, it's the right thing now
Apologies for the delay, but thanks for all the other responses.
Her husband only turned to Islam a year or so ago. It was her that pressured him into converting. I know for a fact he would never have sent his son away to a boarding school.
There's so much more I could say, which would probably make things a lot clearer and make my position more justifiable, but I have to be careful... for obvious reasons.
I guess I could just say that he's most definitely not being sent there for his own good... more because she can't cope. She is 100% using it as a form of punishment, which is just wrong in my eyes.
My parents are going to have a quiet word with him shortly, and see what he has to say about the matter.
He tried to shout something down the phone the other day, but she wouldn't let him speak and told him to go away. I actually think she's lost the plot, and I'm just concerned that this will be damaging for my nephew.
I really do think she needs help to deal with her loss, but trying to tell her this, just ends in her screaming down the phone!
Ah well, I guess what will be will be...
Her husband only turned to Islam a year or so ago. It was her that pressured him into converting. I know for a fact he would never have sent his son away to a boarding school.
There's so much more I could say, which would probably make things a lot clearer and make my position more justifiable, but I have to be careful... for obvious reasons.
I guess I could just say that he's most definitely not being sent there for his own good... more because she can't cope. She is 100% using it as a form of punishment, which is just wrong in my eyes.
My parents are going to have a quiet word with him shortly, and see what he has to say about the matter.
He tried to shout something down the phone the other day, but she wouldn't let him speak and told him to go away. I actually think she's lost the plot, and I'm just concerned that this will be damaging for my nephew.
I really do think she needs help to deal with her loss, but trying to tell her this, just ends in her screaming down the phone!
Ah well, I guess what will be will be...
