Worried about boy #1

[sherrardk]

Since starting secondary school in September boy #1's eating habits have gone to pot. He refuses breakfast (even though he has been asked what he would like and I will happily get it for him). He has school lunches (again, have said I would prefer him to have a packed lunch and I will get him what he likes) and has now started pushing his tea round and round his plate in the hope it will disappear. I try really hard to give them meals that they all like, that are healthy and don't break the bank. He looks pants too - miserable coupled with dark circles around his eyes. He is 11 1/2 and goes to bed at 9.30. When I try to talk to him about it I get the huffing and puffing, eye rolling thing. I don't want to force him to eat as that was done to me and I am a really bad eater. Any suggestion gratefully received.

[sherrardk]

Whoops, sorry, meant to say thank you.

[LoftyLottie]

Is he developing a food phobia do you think. My son did at this age. He had a tummy bug which made him very sick and then developed a fear of eating in case he was sick. It was very worrying, but eventually, with t he help of a doctor, he got over it.

Is he slightly plump? I say that because other kids can tease, in fact they can tease even if kids aren't in the least plump. There has been an increase in anorexia in boys in this age group because of the body image thing.

[erin-x]

If i'm being honest, I think breakfast is overrated. For some people it just isn't essential and going without it does them no harm. As for the school lunch thing, I can remember being about the same age and refusing a packed lunch purely because I wanted to sit with the rest of the kids in the dinner hall, so it could be something as simple as that. The tea is more worrying. Tell him if he doesn't talk you'll drag him to the docs!! ;) That might work lol!

[erin-x]

I also used to skip breakfast if I wanted the day off school ;).... My mum always got so worried if I didn't eat it!

[China Doll]

Does he get any money which he can spend on food on his way home? My sister was bad with this, she'd eat junk on the way home and then not eat her dinner.

[LoftyLottie]

My son has never even breakfast, from about 4 years old, which made me feel like a bad Mum who sent her child out without it. He just hates it and can't eat first thing in the morning. I used to send him to school with something to eat at morning break, which the school complained about, but I just insisted he be allowed to eat at that time.

[sherrardk]

Hi Loftie, he is a bit scrawny (July baby, so little compared to some of the others in his year). However, when we were away recently we went swimming and he has got a bit of a spare tyre (you wouldn't know it was there when he is wearing clothes and obviously, I am not allowed to see him without his clothes on these days). We just said, X, we need to do something about that and left it at that. He's a good kid, bright, articulate, loyal, but has turned into a bit of a so and so lately (himself works long hours and the boy seems to think my opinion doesn't count, he's not rude but when you have taught teenagers for 16 years you can feel the 'vibe').

[annie0000]

My guess would be that it's not really about the food - maybe something else going on at school? Does he need money for his school lunch? Does he have a nice group of friends? what goes on on the school bus?

[mojay]

Is he eating the school lunch - if you can establish this discreetly and be satisfied that he is having a main meal - then I'd not worry for the time being

[LoftyLottie]

He could be being teased about the 'bit of a spare tyre'. Like Annie I tend to think there is something behind all this, probably eminating from school.

[annie0000]

My 11 and a half year old eats like a horse but is still at primary school so a bit less peer pressure I think.

[NOX]

If he's 11 then he'll be at the stage where he's going to start to naturally pull away from you to establish himself a little. With all my sons I've found that to be the case ( it's not a permanent thing- just them finding their feet and it seems to be something slightly different in each one). If you are fairly sure he's not being bullied about body image etc then I think probably the best thing is if you don't press it with him but just monitor things. As Erin says if his mates all have school dinners he'll want them as well, some people don't eat breakfast naturally ( my wife never ate before about 3 in the afternoon but had a healthy relationship with food). Kids that age also do get super tired for no apparent reason and sometimes take on a zombie like apprearance ( my second son never got up on weekends til about 3 in the afternoon and looked like death) but he's perfectly fine now. I really do think from what you've said that he's just growing up and making his own choices a bit, so just see how it goes if he's otherwise happy and in good health.

[elliemay1]

Do you think he's being bullied at school? It sounds as if he's not sleeping properly. If he won't talk to you about it what about asking his siblings or friends. If it doesn't improve it would be worth having a chat to his teacher/s to see how he is in class.

[sherrardk]

Sorry, the rest of you weren't there when I started typing. He has crackers and cheese for snack and gets £2 for lunch. I don't want to start doing the heavy handed thing as I don't think it is necessary but I am worried that he isn't eating enough for his age (they have chips at home once every three or four weeks, they get lots of veg, salad, fruit juice, no pre-made stuff (except on Saturday when they can have what they like) etc although they do get a treat/dessert after tea).

[sherrardk]

Only had parents consultation the day before half term and nothing came up. I really don't think it is a bullying thing, etc just think it is a boy being nearly a teenager thing (he is our eldest and, therefore, he is getting a lot of attention as he is our 'guinea pig'). Thank you for all of your replies though, they don't half make you worry!

[annie0000]

Sounds like its not a case that he has been overeating sher, just maybe a bit less active now that he is more hanging around the playground rather than actually running around. A young lad should be able to eat what he likes. If he is taking cash i'd be concerned that a, someone is taking it from him, b. he's gambling it on the school bus or c. he is buying rubbish with it that is not nutritious but is spoiling his appetite.

[annie0000]

our schools mostly don't allow kids out at lunch unless the are in the senior years, as far as I understand you use a pre paid cash card in the lunch hall and parents can type in the bar code into some website to see what they are buying.

[sherrardk]

Hi Annie - they get picked up and dropped off outside the local one-stop shop. I thought the boy had more sense! Will get my village spies on to the case. I just wish he would cheer up, he has a wicked sense of humour and a lovely smile when he can be bothered :(

[elliemay1]

Wondering why he has dark circles under his eyes. Suggests he's not sleeping properly which could mean he's worrying about something.

[annie0000]

maybe he is just entering teenage hood. My boy 1 who will be twelve in July too still seems miles from that - despite being about 5'3 he is still a little boy yet. Boy #1 will come out the otherside I believe :o) Maybe you should watch the Kevin's birthday episode of Kevin & perry on Youtube.