Feeling guilty for not helping kids out with more financially : (

[Smowball]

Three of my children have left home or live with partner, one is still at home. They generally work hard and pay all their bills, etc. But they are all still struggling at the moment, like a huge amount of people. I have seen all of the older ones this week, given them all some money each, taken them shopping, but still left feeling I hadnt done enough as I know each of them was still worrying about how to pay something else ie car tax, phone bill etc. Its just that it is not possible to help them out with everything, I dont have a bottomless pit of money, and they dont even really ask me for anything. But I feel so bad as a parent that they are finding things tough and are worrying : (

[spotit3]

You sound like a great Mum,Snowball. What you are doing is very good and the odd little treat will cheer them up. As a lot of others say learing to live within your means is the important thing. I think the fact that my late husband and I had to struggle when we started out on life helped us later on.

[Smowball]

Yes you are all right, you just dont want to see your kids struggle do you. But nobody ever helped me lol. When I left home my parents never ever helped me with a thing, they never gave me a penny, even when i was about to lose my home - and my parents were wealthy!

[MartinBev58]

A lot of people have told me it is wrong to help your children out.
What is the point of keeping money just for the government to take inheritance tax on it or just to be the richest man / woman in the graveyard.

Martin

[geraldina]

I feel exactly the same but I live abroad and have two daughters in uk who were both settled with partners when I left. Both promised to come and see us and with Ryanair it was easy. Since moving here 6 years ago; both have split from their partners, 1 now has new baby with her new partner to add to the 2 she had already; the other one has 18mth old and due a second in 8 wks with her new partner. Both are in dire straits financially although the older one gets by. The pregnant one owes my sister money, who lent her some as a loan before she became pregnant first time to get her out of trouble. She then went bankrupt and is now facing eviction because she is waiting for a council house because they cant afford to rent privately. My husband (not their father) refuses to bail them out as he knows we would never see it again. I am racked with guilt but know that if we bail them out; they will not learn, as she has proven. We have some money but it is in accounts we cannot touch for a year at a time and this is what we live on. We are going to have to move back to the uk in the next few years because of how the banks and interest rates are so our dream didnt really pay off; but we did try; but I know as soon as we go back I am going to be torn in two again. I feel as a mother I should support them and have let them down- their dad lends them the odd fiver or tenner now and again but thats it. I just cant stop feeling guilty..............

[boxtops]

I really don't think you should feel guilty. Unless people have a lot of spare cash and not much to do with it, now is the time for older people to enjoy their time, not spend it on their grown up children. That's not to say they wouldn't help out in dire financial problems, but I certainly wouldn't pay for things like health insurance, or clothes. Food, yes.