Any advice?

[sherrardk]

My 12 year son is so miserable at the moment. He gets upset at the slightest thing and seems so angry when I try to get to the bottom of it. We have had a big discussion tonight and I have made it clear that I am really worried about him but he can't seem to find a reason for how miserable he is. Could this be puberty? If so, is there anything I can do to help him or does he just have to get on with it? (Would it be helpful, if it is puberty, to show him appropriate sites on the Internet which clearly highlight that mood swings and anger are part of the process (he is fully aware of the changes to his body, etc but not of the emotional side - I would discuss it with him but he might think I am just making it up to make him feel better.). Thanks for any advice or ideas.

[jno]

highly possible. But of course it's also possible that there's something in particular on his mind. (Problems with family? At school? With friends?)

Best all-purpose advice is to reassure him that you love him no matter what and you'll do what you can to help. But that probably won't solve any specific problems he has.

[sherrardk]

Hi jno, I have done that (that was the big chat tonight), I am so worried about him, he is a lovely boy.

[cupid04]

Is he being bullied at school. You could have a private word with his teachers to see if they are aware of anything.

[Brinjal]

my son was the most delightful boy but when he got to the age of 12 he became moody withdrawn etc. it was puberty and he did outgrow it it is difficult to deal with but they do out grow it. it seemed rather young where as the girls were 14/15 when the moods set in. i found them easier to deal with. the out right rages and tantrums i found easier than the moods and silence and general grumpiness. you just have to be there for him

[sherrardk]

Thanks for all of your answers - 99% certain he isn't being bullied and there are no home issues. Will just have to ride the storm and grit my teeth, :(

[EvianBaby]

My sister is going through similar with her 12 year old boy and 13 year old girl. The girl goes from being a true angel to the devil incarnate and when I've had quiet times speaking to her before and asked her why she's behaving like that she just says 'I don't know' and gets a bit upset. I believe her. Just think she doesn't get the emotional aspect like you said. Same with nephew. Went swimming a few weeks ago with him and noticed he was über concious of his body. And he acts in the way your son does too. I'm sure it's just hormones kicking in. I hope so for yours and my sisters sakes, having seen what it does to you poor mums.

[ladyalex]

Agree with brinjal. The son-and-heir was a lovely happy, cheerful boy until he got to about 12/13 then turned almost overnight into a monosyllabic grumpy lump. Nothing we did or said made much difference but he did eventually grow out of it and returned to the happy, cheerful chap he used to be.
Deep breaths when he's trying your patience and try to be there on the few occasions he will want to talk.
Oh, and you know that you 'know nothing' about 'anything' don't you ?
This too will pass.

[sherrardk]

Thanks Evian - it's all such a worry! Feel like an idiot asking on here but he is my eldest so I will be prepared for the others (thing 1 is an emotional nightmare already and she is only 4 - she's going to be a complete cow when she is a teenager).

[sherrardk]

Lady A - as he is the eldest I am always worried that he feels pushed out in some way. It will pass, then I only have to do it another four times - should be clear of all of this malarkey in about 11 years!

[karenmac60]

Sher, see if you can get hold of a book called Blame My Brain by Nicola Morgan. It's aimed at teenegares and parents and explains all the different ways the teenage brain changes and how that affects teens. I've recommended it to loads of folk and my daughter and I both read it when she was going through a really sensitive phase. It doesn't cure the problems, but it really helps both parties to have an insight into what is going on. Good luck x

[ladybirder]

Not trying to make light of your troubles sher but couldn't resist:-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY

[sherrardk]

Karen - thanks for the recommendation, I will see if the library has a copy.

LadyB - he's not stroppy, just soooo miserable (his face lights up when he smiles but it's not something I see these days).

Poor boy, feel really sorry for him, he just can't work out what's up with him although I feel reassured now. x

[B00]

Can't offer advice re this Sherr (sorry) But I wanted to ask how your youngest was getting on in reception? The one with the speech problems?

[sherrardk]

Hi Boo, thanks for asking. He did his first full day today and his teaching assistant only does mornings and he seemed ok (the school and TA have been brilliant and she worked a week of afternoons when he did just afternoons). He saw the speech therapist today so I am waiting for her to phone me and let me know what her plan of action is. I spoke to his TA and she said he doesn't leave her side so that's a bit of worry as he won't attempt to talk to anyone who he thinks won't understand him, but so far, it's going much better than I had hoped. His speech is still pants but at least he goes in to school without crying (that would have been a nightmare). Thanks again for asking, very thoughtful, x

[ELVIS68]

Sherrardk, has he just started senior school?

[sherrardk]

Hi Elvis, he's in year 8 now - its a small school (to my mind) and has a good reputation.) He hates the bus journey (we are in the sticks). The more I thinks about it and having talked to him I am 99% sure it must be puberty.

[B00]

Awww bless him, glad to hear he's taking to it. Give him time, before you know it, you'll be wondering why you were so worried.

Guess that advice works for the 12 year old too!

[sherrardk]

At least the others seem to be ok, I'd be in an early grave if I had to worry this much about all of them!

[ELVIS68]

Is it a school bus or public transport?

We live in the sticks and my son gets the school bus and they pick up pupils from other schools

[sherrardk]

Hi Elvis, it's kids all going to the same school, most of them from the village and one or two who they pick up on the way. He's an articulate boy but he can't put into words how he feels, very frustrating for him and us. He's one of the youngest in the school year and not very tall, think he feels the world is against him poor sod.