Getting My Child To Eat...

[Bluestone]

I don't really know what I'm looking for by asking this. Some help and advice, if anyone has any, as I am at my wits end.
My daughter is 5 years old and it is very difficult to get her to eat properly. She will eat, but not at set times and usually it's hardly anything. This morning, for example, I managed to get a small yogurt down her, but nothing else. I offered and made her cereal and toast, but she just pushed it away and said she was "full up".
She was always a chubby baby, up until the age of about 2 or 2 and a half. So much so that we had to take her to see a dietitian. Now she's gone completely the other way, and every meal time is a battle which often ends in tears and frustration. I have tried the obvious tactics, like giving her her favorite things at meal times, and also involving her in preparing them, but the majority of the time she will just push the plate away without even trying it, before saying her usual "full up".
I wouldn't say she is majorly skinny, but I do think she looks different (thinner) to the other girls in her class... although, she is very tall for her age, so perhaps that's down to her height?? I have also noticed that she shoulders feel very boney.
We had a family meal on Sunday and she literally did not eat anything, despite my whole family trying to encourage her. My Dad says I nag her too much and that she'll eat when she's hungry, but surely that can't just be as and when she feels like it? She would live off grapes and yogurts if she could, but I just find it extremely difficult to get her to eat a proper meal.
Her lunchbox comes home with mostly everything still it in. She will have a quarter of the sandwich I make her, some grapes, the yogurt and that's it. I just can't understand how she's not hungry?!
She has started saying over the past week or so that she has a "bad tummy", when she goes to bed at night. She has no other symptoms of having a bug or anything, and I honestly wonder if it could be hunger pangs?
Should I be taking her to the doctors about this, or is there anything I can try that I haven't already mentioned.

Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated, as I really don't know what else I can do. Thanks :)

[jamesnan]

The more fuss you make over it, the more she will refuse. Put a small amount on a plate in front of her, give her a little while to eat it and if she doesn't then take it away, and tell her to get down from the table. She is playing up to your worrying. When she is hungry, she will eat. Do not offer her anything else, no sweets etc between meals. If she doesn't want her meal you give her, then that is it, till the next time.
Do not let her see she is having any effect on you. Be patient.

[cazzz1975]

personally I would remove snacks from the house and implement a 3 meal a day plan, she wont be on board to begin with, its important not to give in at this stage, hunger will eventually weaken her resolve, make mealtimes static and remove the snacks.

[pastafreak]

I agree. As long as she seems lively,plays,does not come down with every bug going-then don't worry. Encouraging her-when she is plainly not interested-just creates more problems and stress- You don't want to attach bad feelings and stress to food and mealtimes.

[Bluestone]

Thank you Jamesnan. From your answer, it sounds as though I am doing everything wrong. I do make quite a big fuss over it, but it's because I am genuinely worried. She does probably see that I get frustrated, and then spend half an hour trying to sweet talk her into eating something. I will try what you say. Thankyou :-)

Cazz, Would you count things like grapes and yogurts as snacks? She does eat these between meals and, as stupid as that now sounds in relation to my original question, I let her have them because I just think well at least I know she's had something. It's really difficult not to give in, as she gets really upset and throws herself on the floor if I say she can't have yogurts or fruit. I realise I'm not helping the situation by doing this, but I just worry that if I don't give her that, then she'll have nothing.

I will do as you have both suggested, starting from when she comes home from school.

Thank you both :-)

[Bluestone]

Pasta, yeah she is all of those things. She does get sleepy when she comes home from school though, but I put that down to her being in reception and just adapting... and also the lack of food she eats!

[jd_1984]

From experience I have found that the little one's mood (he is 4) determines how much he eats. We have found that routine (where possible) and a 3 meal plan each day works well. He eats better if he feels that he is a grown up, so we all eat together as a family whenever possible ( appreciate not always possible). We sit at the "Big person table" and all eat together. We find that if he is sat eating alone he just picks at his meal and barely eats or if he has the distraction of toys or television he simply will not eat. Treats are on a reward basis and only if a sufficient amount of his proper meal has been eaten. This may sound a bit strict but we shared your concerns last year as a normal day would consist of him eating a single mouthful of cereal or one bite of toast, then a nibble of a sandwich at lunchtime and about a quater of his tea. Like I say we found that his mood dictated this and he likes to be regarded as a grown up eating at the big table and his appetite now is great.

[cazzz1975]

grapes and yoghurt are snacks in my opinion, she needs to learn to eat meals, as long as she has a snack to top her up she will never feel the need to try eating food, in the long term it can get worse as she gets older as she will become a *very* picky eater

she has the tantrums because they work, if you ignore the negative behaviour she has not alternative but to sulk, then eventually behave.

[cazzz1975]

no not "not"

[Bluestone]

That's brilliant Triggs. Thank you :)

[magsmay]

Hi Bluestone -take heed of jamesnan's very good post -do not make an issue of the meal. Give her less in her lunch bag so she does not feel overfaced and give her small portions off food at mealtimes and no snacks -even healthy ones. Children rarely starve themselves to death believe me.

[Bluestone]

Jd, that's great. No, it doesn't sound strict, it sounds like you have it as it should be.
You have just made me think of something, actually. I never eat with the kids, they eat together at the table and I generally eat later when they're in bed. I don't leave them in the room on their own, I am usually loading the dishwasher or tidying up, but I'm wondering if I should sit there and eat with them. Maybe that will help. Thanks :)

[belrec]

I used to be the same with both mine (7 and 3), and then suddenly realised that i was doing what my parents had done to me and my relationship to food is not great.

So i stopped shouting and sweet talking and they both eat like its going out of fashion now.

Much smaller portions and then second helpings are a good idea, and nothing for at least an hour before dinner time.

[Bluestone]

Thanks Cazz. I will just have to stop having them in the house then, as she will just open the fridge and help herself to them, if I don't. Ta

[ummmm]

She throws herself on the floor? At 5?

[Bluestone]

Mags, thanks. Yeah, perhaps I do put too much in her lunchbox. I will change that. I definitely do make a big issue out of it, and that's clearly where I'm going wrong.

Belrec, funnily enough, my Mum was the same with me. I used to have to sit there until I'd finished something, even though I didn't want/like it. I still can't eat certain foods to this day!
Thanks for the tips. I will cut down the portion sizes and see how she gets on with that.


Thank you all for your excellent answers. I feel much more confident now and will take steps to try and change this frustrating situation.
I have to dash now, but thank you :-)

[Bluestone]

Just quickly, Ummmm, yes.

[ummmm]

That's toddler behaviour.

[Bluestone]

She does it every time she doesn't get her own way with me which, unfortunately, is quite often. For example, I took her into a shop to get some Christmas presents for my family, and she asked if she could have a £40 toy. I asked her if she wanted it for Christmas and perhaps she should put it on her list. She replied "no. I want it now"! I tried to explain that it was Christmas in a few weeks and that she might be lucky enough to get it then, if she was a good girl, but she had a massive tantrum in the shop and threw herself onto the floor. I had to pick her up and carry her out and then bribe her with something else to get her to walk.
My son, who is 11, was nothing like this. I just don't know where I've gone wrong. She, quite honestly, behaves like a spoilt brat most of the time.

[whiskeryron]

Excuse me if I say something that you are already doing. Do you have proper meal times as in Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner and all sit together with no Television on at meal times ? Believe me I know of people who do not even own a dining table ( meals on laps in front of the telly ). You MUST have a daily routine that children will learn & stick to with patience & understanding. If your child will not eat a meal just make sure that it is not because the particular food is not liked. I am sure you will win in the end.