Utterly Fed Up!!

[Smowball]

NOT what I need before I go to work.

Just had a call from my son's geography teacher(yes at this time in the morning!). Said son didnt attend a level 3 detention after school yesterday. Another one! Well I picked him up yesterday so he wouldnt have been able to justify me sitting outside the school for half an hour so he clearl decided to just not go! This is becoming a regular occurence and I am at my wits end. He has changed beyond all recognition and I dont know what to do.

Ironically i picked him up because he had a private tutor at home to go through the entrance exams for a private school i am trying to get him into, because he has got in with the wrong crowd, but at this rate it is becoming a joke. They will have one conversation with his school and run a mile.

I just dont know what to do anymore.

[boxtops]

How old is he, smow?

[Smowball]

He is 13. Too eager to please the wrong kids. Will do whatever they say. Acting 'hard' to keep in with them. Not handing in homework he has actually done because they dont ! Now getting into real trouble because of his 'attitude and backchatting'. i am mortified and really cross. have banned his mobile fone, his Xbox........... promises to behave and then next day.....

[SueMoneyRowley]

Get the teacher to tell you when your son has detention and take him to it. You must support the school.

[tonyav]

Pier pressure, very difficult smow. Don't know how but somehow you will have to separate him from this wrong crowd, but in the mean time that doesn't sound like a bad idea from SueMoneyRowley.

[sherrardk]

The school should have informed you of the detention anyway (they have to give you 24 hours notice if it is an after-school detention).

[ummmm]

It's probably just a phase. Can you remember what it was like with the others?

[maggiebee]

Sitting on the dock of the bay Tony?

[maggiebee]

Sorry to hear of your problems Smow. Probably a mixture of hormones and peer pressure, but you need to nip it in the bud. As has already been suggested you need to support the school and present a united front.

[tonyav]

Alright alright maggie, I thought there was another spelling ( as in those in the house of lords ) but couldn't remember how it is spelt.

[RATTER15]

Smowball, that sounds just like a well behaved version of me when I was that age., I grew out of it as I developed a conscience, I would love to be able to give you advice, my Mother was a great believer in patience and understanding, it certainly worked on me. Have you tried a real Mum to Son talk? thats what worked on me, it always left me feeling guilty of what I had put my Mum through and being able to understand consequences.

It may be a hard slog but work at it.

Good luck

[maggiebee]

Sorry Tony, couldn't resist it - apologies!

[rockyracoon]

That's crap Smow, kids can be bloody hard work at times. I'd ask for daily updates from the school re behaviour/homework/detention etc, at least you can maybe stop something before it starts.

Good luck xx

[RATTER15]

How does he perform academically?

[belrec]

Its horrible for you when they do something completely out of character like that. It makes you feel all your hard work was for nothing.

Sorry cant really offer more than what has already been said but try and be patient and talking, punishments are OK too.

Have a chat to the school and see if they will seperate the boys at least in class. x

[tonyav]

Accepted maggie I'll get you back on the see how far it goes thread lol.

[anneasquith]

what is '' a level 3 detention '' ?

[RATTER15]

Does he enjoy school or hate it?

[Mosaic]

A difficult call and hard times ahead.
Have you been able to meet with and discuss how to manage his behaviour with school pastoral staff?
It's important to work together at this, and to be seen by your son to be working together. This might include agreeing to a short period of cooling off where he stays at home, out of contact with school friends including online and phone.
He needs to have constant reinforcement that this is not to punish him to to help him over the negative behaviour.
He needs the 'who's this hurting' conversation.
There also needs to be a positive outcome that he understands and can see. Does HE want to go the other school? Has he been on a visit? Might be the next thing to work on.
Good luck.

[ummmm]

I still think it's probably a phase. Both my boys went through it. The youngest is just coming out of it (he's 14)