Did We Overreact?

[Booldawg]

Our Daughter is staying with her Grandparents for a few weeks over the Summer holidays.

Yesterday her Grandparents had allowed our Daughter (who is 8) and her cousin (who is 5) to sleep in a tent - on their own- in the back garden.

They live in fairly large town, not that it makes any difference. We were against the idea of 2 young girls, on their own, to sleep outside in a tent.

Grandma had said 'its ok Grandad will sleep downstairs' But we still weren't comfortable with that arrangement.

It all ended up a bit tense between my wife and her mum (the grandparent). The girls were brought back it at midnight as the argument was going on via text or whatever.

The Grandma feels she is being accused of being a bad Grandparent etc etc. LOL, hopefully they smooth things over as we're going up there in a few weeks time!

Would you have been happy with this sleeping arrangement? or did we over-react?

[Tilly2]

I don't think you over reacted. I would have done exactly the same thing.

[friedgreentomato]

my step sister used to sleep outside in a tent at 9 years old with her friends - father and stepmother slept with their windows open to hear anything and the back door was left open for the kids to come in if they want

[ummmm]

I think it's a bit of an over reaction.

[Sycamore3House]

My parents did the same thing with my children and to begin with I was not best pleased. I then realised that my parents would not have put my children in any danger intentionally. When I went to pick up the kids (with the intention of having a word with Mum & Dad) I was met by two bouncing children who wanted to tell me all about the adventure the night before.
Midnight snack, Grandad reading a story by torch light etc. Dad was sat in the chair completely tired out as he was 'On Watch' most of the night.
Seeing my Dad in that state I completely forgot about having a word and realised that my children were growing up and it was time to understand what they were capable of doing on their own.
My parents garden is secure as a garden can be and they made sure the gate was bolted before the adventure began.

[Old_Geezer]

I think your fears were excessive but they are your children and you should have the final say. Assure grandmother you are not criticising but that you don't wish your daughters to take the risk again, and will appreciate her agreeing.

[woofgang]

Difficult. A few years ago there were children taken from the garden IIRC, but have just googled and cant find any reports so maybe I imagined it. I think it depends on where the garden is, how easy it would be to get into it and if anyone would know beforehand that the children were there. Baseline though is your kids, your rules and there shouldn't have had to have been an argument.

[Quizmonster]

Despite what the gutter press would have you believe, there really isn't a murderous pædophile on every street corner. I was saddened to read recently the findings of an investigation into all the delights children NO LONGER experience because of over-rigorous parental control. I can't remember exact figures, but such things as only 10% of 12-year-old boys nowadays have ever climbed a tree!
A friend - also a grandfather - was telling me about the wonders of his 8-year-old grand-daughter's computer. I asked him, "Does she ever get out to play?" "Oh, no!" he replied. Isn't that sad?
Obviously, every parent has the right to decide on matters affecting their children, but I'd say you over-reacted. Just a personal opinion.

[andy-hughes]

I can understand your concern, but it needs to be balanced against the treat for your children.

I would be seriously worried, but if I was sure that the garden was secure, and that an adult was 'on watch', I would let it go ahead.

I can see that your in-laws saw no problem with the arrangement, in hindsight, i am sure they would have run it by you first and reassured you of the safety of the children.

The way to approach it is with an apology first if you got a bit heated - explain it was a bit of a shock, but that you have thought it over, and can see that everything was fine, and you have no wish to infer that your in-laws compromised the safety of the childrenn.

Hopefully it will all be sorted after that, and yoyu can sort out some mutually agreeable ground rules for a repeat next time.

[lcg]

i would say it depends on how enclosed/secure the garden is. my garden is completely enclosed with high fencing and at least 4 houses either side (terraced) so is difficult to get to - and imo quite secure. i would be happy for kids to sleep in my own yard, but not somewhere that is easily accessible or that has had recent burglaries etc. it also comes down to parenting style and i think younger people are more careful as they are not of the generation who left their doors open or knew their neighbours really well. just explain to the gparents that you are being overly-paranoid and it is not a reflection of their ability to look after the children, and that they also have to respect your wishes as the parent. remind them it is a balancing act and a joint caring relationship, and do not want to offend or fall out with them.

[Prudie]

I think you have over-reacted somewhat. Sleeping in a tent in the back garden is a standard childhood pastime (at least it used to be). As long as they had easy access to getting back in, torches etc and especially with grandad sleeping downstairs I'd have been happy.

[Booldawg]

maybe we were a little bit paranoid. I suppose as she's far from home in a town much bigger than ours you feel a little less in control of the situation.

[Sqad]

Well Booldawg.......you agreed to let you daughter go to her grandparent's who then became responsible for her........your decision.......grandparent's rules.

Yes you grossly over-reacted in my opinion.

We made it clear that if we had grandchildren to stay and we were responsible then we made the rules..........the grandchildren never stayed.

No arguments, now rows............

[hc4361]

I think you over-reacted, unless there are circumstances you haven't mentioned.

[whiskeryron]

I think you did the right thing in this day & age. Years ago it would have been ok to leave children on their own in a tent but I'm sorry to say that now there are too many predators out there & once a thing has happened it's too late to say 'I wish we hadn't left them', so top marks to you for fetching them home.
Grandma is not uncaring but unthinking.

WR.

[naomi24]

I wouldn’t have been happy, definitely not. Perhaps it could have been handled more diplomatically though.

[hc4361]

WR, there are no more predators now than there was years ago. Don't forget that many of the child abuse cases that have made the news in recent years are historic - the events happened years ago.
It's 50 years since Hindley and Brady were snatching kids off the streets.
Sorry, but that sort of sweeping statement makes me very angry.

[naomi24]

Historic? I think not. There have been plenty since Hindley & Brady. Regardless of the number of predators around, leaving two little girls outside all night alone is not a good idea.

[jackthehat]

I think you may have overreacted, but it immediately brought this to mind, so perhaps you didn't............

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Sophie_Hook

[Mosaic]

It's a difficult one, and I can see the case for people seeing this as an over-reaction. However, we don't know what kind of town / area of town is in question, or how secure the back garden is. Creepily, none of us know whether some weirdo has been watching for an opportunity - which can happen anywhere at any time - but would cause eternal heartbreak all round if it happened on Gramps' watch.
From personal experience of an accident that befell some pupils during a similar adventure, my fears would also extend to the chance of a tent fire (night time, girls, pretty candles....)
I think the solution is for everyone to camp out in the garden in their own tents, then it can be like a real camp-site.
Hopefully the grown-ups can all just relax a little with each other here - but I agree with Sqad's point, namely if a family member takes your kids on you can't expect to micro-manage what happens from a distance.
I think your wife and her mother need to not wind each other up to the rather daft extent that they did, but how you breach this one will be difficult.