Am I Being Overly Sensitive?

[peason77]

Hi, I recently went away with my partner, my little girl (7) and his 2 kids (10, 13) my little girl behaved in a manner that made me nothing but proud-her only fault was sleeping at night. His 2 kids stayed up until midnight- hence my wee girl wanted to too- but when it came time to sleep, his 2 zonked but I had a battle of tears and had to stay with my girl until she settled ( she does have an existing fear of getting to sleep) on one night I even fell asleep with her. Since we've got back my partner has been really off with me. He just text to say my girl was a beautiful soul it was just her sleeping. I know he's annoyed at me. I'm supposed to go away with him at the end of the month again but I don't want to now as I'm going to be on edge that he'll be mad at me for not getting her to sleep quickly. We're in a caravan so every cry is amplified. I resent it slightly as ive been a single mum all my life- ive worked hard to raise her properly, she really is the perfect girl but ive always struggled with her sleep since she was born. Im close to tears most nights. Im annoyed because he has his kids one night a week and has no idea how hard it is to be a single mum. Am I being overly sensitive or is he being pigheaded? He says he doesn't want to finish with me but neither has he wanted to see me since we've returned. What do I do? Im so sad :(

[woofgang]

I doubt you are going to like my answer. Who is more important to you, Your child or the boyfriend? As you aren't living together, I am not sure that partner is the right description. Once you have decided that, you know what to do.

[peason77]

Yes you're right. Partner is the wrong description. My daughter is far far far more important. But ive fought for 7 years with her sleep and I have tried EVERYTHING, so does the fact he can't accept the situation mean he's not the man for me? I don't know how to act or behave now. He's being unusually standoffish. Last week he was textin several times a day. These past few days? Im lucky if I've had 3 texts! thank you. I do appreciate your advice

[mazie]

Is your Daughter afraid of the dark peason? Sounds a bit iffy to me if he's being standoffish because of your daughter's problem. She's 7 for goodness sake and has a problem, a grown man should be a little bit more understanding, especially one with 2 children of his own. I know what I would do, but I'm not you. Good luck with it x

[Old_Geezer]

As is often the case in relationships, it something is bother you then perhaps you ought not bottle it up resenting more as time goes by, but discuss it whilst one is more calm & rational in the early stages. The way he allows his kids to do things bothers you, the way yours doesn't go straight back to sleep bothers him. one need not start thinking in terms of over-sensitivity or pigheadedness, as that isn't going to help. This is a simple difference of opinion of how kids should be brought up. I'm sure there is a compromise to be reached on bedtimes etc. if it is talked over.

[peason77]

I'd like to talk it over but when I asked him to come to mine he replied that there would be not much point as my daughter wouldn't go to sleep until late and their would be no time for us and that he'd probably end up falling asleep on the sofa whilst I was trying to tame my girl. My daughter has a very real fear that she won't be able to get to sleep and she'll be left alone awake whilst we are all asleep. I even have the same problem at home when it's just her and I. I'm not just saying this but she is a lovely little girl, polite, well manner, kind- never asks for a thing, is ALWAYS happy. I'm truly blesded with a wonderful child. But I fear this situation will break us. I get so so angry because when he sees his 2 for one day of the weekend and let's them play xbox and or phones. Surely if he loved me he would support the difficulties I'm having with her sleep and not avoid me- which makes me doubt myparenting skills?

[Sycamore3House]

You sound such a proud lady to have raised your daughter on your own and the very best of luck for the future. I think you already know in your heart of hearts what your next move will be as your daughter is far more important. If you know you are going to be on edge on your next holiday because of your daughters' sleeping it is not going to be much of a holiday. You have worked hard for what you have please don't let someone interfere with that when they have never been in that situation.

[mazie]

"I'd like to talk it over but when I asked him to come to mine he replied that there would be not much point as my daughter wouldn't go to sleep until late and their would be no time for us and that he'd probably end up falling asleep on the sofa whilst I was trying to tame my girl."

Not a good response...... He's not very tolerant is he? I'm sorry you're sad and feel you have to choose, you shouldn't be put in that situation be another person

[woofgang]

ok so you aren't living with him, he's intolerant of a problem you are having with your daughter and he won't discuss it.....You KNOW where this is gong don't you?

[woofgang]

PS IMO there is no "us" to be broken.

[peason77]

Thank you for your kind comments I do know where this is heading but I wanted some advice to confirm I wasn't being unreasonable by feeling hurt. I do try my damn hardest for my girl- I work hard, and have devoted my life to raising a good girl, and all parents know that it hurts when someone criticizes your parenting- especially when I've struggled on my own for so long. I just feel no man I've ever known has ever known how hard I've tried but I would like to be loved as well as be a parent, and that's difficult it seems ;, (

[gness]

Peason.....I was on my own with my son for a long time.....til I met the man who would respect and support our mother/son relationship.

He wasn't the first man I dated....but the first one I knew would share in my son's upbringing.....

You will be loved....you will find someone.....someone you can relax with as a family....and someone you and your daughter can love back....

Best wishes.....x

[mazie]

My Daughter has been on her own bringing up 3 children for nearly 6 years, so I do know where you're coming from peason....But in my opinion until you meet the right person for you both, you are best on your own.... Wishing you good judgement and all the best from me. xx

[jourdain2]

I'm very much afraid that my thoughts about any future chances you have with this man are also negative. If he isn't sensitive enough to a little girl to understand her distress, then I hope I would know what to do. I made one hugely bad decision with a man in my life, hoping he would change (!) so I understand how torn you are feeling right now. You could try asking yourself if it was really suitable to keep his children up until midnight in the first place, thus triggering the situation. I wish you and your daughter very well, you are both sensitive beings. Very good luck!

[corylus]

It's your child, do your best for her despite what your partner thinks or says,

[peason77]

Thank you very much for all your advice. I especially relate to the comment about letting his kids up until midnight. How can I expect my little girl to settle when his two are mucking around in the caravan. I've never once judged him on his parenting. His 10yr lad old sleeps with him at home, and one night I fell asleep in the caravan on my daughters bed I woke and returned to my bed to sleep but his son had moved in there so I had to sleep on the couch! But I never once complained. I do feel like a failure though because I desperately want someone to love me and my girl unconditionally.

[mazie]

" I do feel like a failure though because I desperately want someone to love me and my girl unconditionally. "

You're NOT a failure, you love her and she loves you Unconditionally, that's enough for now in my book

[Cloverjo]

I can only echo what others have said. You are obviously a great mum and have a fantastic daughter. If this man can't be more supportive while you deal with her problem he doesn't sound like someone you'd be happy with forever.
By the way, it might not seem like it now, but her sleep problems will end one day. My son was just the same, and I remember my mum having trouble with my sister when we were young. Both got there in the end. Good luck.

[jourdain2]

If there is one thing you are NOT, it is a failure. Listen, I have been there, been made to feel inadequate, useless and with dubious judgement. This is not your self-condemnation - that comes a) from him and b) from your intelligent-self over-analysing and accepting blame which does not apply. My determination to see it through, understand and accept the blame for everything led to a situation where he physically abused me and I was eventually in real danger of my life. I still struggle a bit with flashbacks - but out of the blue came a wonderful, kind man, whom I eventually trusted enough to marry. I cant promise you the same, obviously, but please keep on placing your daughter first and wait to see what life brings. My salvation really did come unsought and 'out of the blue'.

[mariostewart62]

Your girl is so pretty, you don't have to worry about her sleep. As she will grow up she will overcome this problem. For the sake of your sadness you can consult the Doctor about it.

[rsvp]

This is controlling behaviour from your 'partner' - imo it doesn't show any maturity on his part. It can only get worse.
Quite rightly you resent this as all good Mums would. Don't let him shake your confidence or keep you dangling on a string.