Really Upset Re Teen Smow : (

[Smowball]

Teen smow has gone to stay with his day for half the school holidays (dad lives 2 hrs away and he does this every year). Dad doesn't work and never has done. Claims every benefit going, has house paid for , has never paid a penny maintenance in 13 years and makes a tidy sum every week by going to auctions, buying God knows what and then doing loads of car boot sales etc. I do not like his father one bit but am always polite for my sons sake.

Ive just had a txt from my son, saying that after he's come home to get his exam results on 25th August he's almost certainly going to go back to live with his dad permanently . Not quite believing what I was reading I've replied saying Im very confused and don't understand, and that we need to talk on the phone as this isn't a txt kind of conversation. He's replied saying ok, that there is nothing wrong at home here but he just thinks it "would make more of a man of me" . ?? Those were his exact words.

Everything here is all set up for September - 6th form place ready to take A levels if he gets the right grades, and a college place lined up for a career in Plumbing as a back up plan.

I just can't stop crying - his dad is an absolute dead beat and I cannot understand why on earth he has decided to do this and basically throw everything away.

[albaqwerty]

I think teen smow has had his head turned. 'Look son, now you're 16 etc, etc.'
It's making him feel like a man, but doubt Dad is aware of his parental duties in the continuing education of his son.

Keep lines of communication open, Smow, and scream, stamp feet, kick the metaphorical cat and throw darts. Do hope he'll be back with you in a couple of weeks xx

[Cloverjo]

Let him go. He's obviously a bright lad and will realise what's going on in time.
It was similar with my son. He thought the sun shone out his dad, who left when son was 3, but he later realised that I was the one who fed him, clothed him, read bedtime stories etc. and have been there through his whole life.

Your boy will be ok. I know how you feel, though. It feels like hell.

[Bathsheba2]

Yep jo, it does :(

Baths
x x x

[joeluke]

Maybe he fancies taking up his father’s choice of career?

Good hours with excellent benefits (literally)

[EDDIE51]

You say your ex never works and never has. But then you say he' makes a tidy sum' from auctions and car boot sales. Another way of putting it is that his Dad is a self employed trader and makes a good living.
I share your concern but there are two sides to every story.

[Smowball]

He claims every benefit as being unable to work and then does all this work illegally

[Islay]

Smowball, not strictly true he can work so many hours and earn an amount without having to declare it.

[anneasquith]

Do you get child maintenance for your son from his father ?

[EDDIE51]

Time to report him ?
But you just said he has liver disease from alcohol abuse! that will be a reason to claim sickness benefit even if it is 'self inflicted'.

[tonyav]

has never paid a penny maintenance in 13 years and makes a tidy sum every week by going to auctions


It appears not, anne.

[Smowball]

For gods sake! I'm sorry and I rarely get cross but he is an utter con artist, he put me in hospital many times and is an absolute joke. But my son still wants to know him so what can I do! He is a total scammer

[anneasquith]

Stay quiet, give advice is asked. Young people his age can be a bit " mixed up "

[Smowball]

Just an update and really don't know what to do - we left it that we'd have a talk when h came back for his exam results on 25th August. He's txt me this morning after nothing for a few days and said just to let you know I'm 100% moving in with my dad and you can't change my mind. Not understanding where this attitude has come from I've replied and said once again look we will have a proper chat when your dad brings you home for the results- we really can't do this by txt. He's then replied saying his dad AND grandad are coming to get all of his stuff, that there is no point talking face to face as he isn't budging and yet again I've done nothing wrong. I just don't know what to say now - he is insisting I call him ASAP to arrange packing his stuff up! Yet just two weeks ago h was decorating his bedroom. It's like he's had a personality transplant

[rockyracoon]

Hmmm, I'd be inclined to tell him if he wants his stuff he'd better come and get it himself.

I think you need to step back and let him make his own mind, as hard as it is.

[Smowball]

I don't understand any of it at all. So confused

[ummmm]

It usually is a case of the grass being greener. My son moved in with his mate and his parents when he was 16 and it wasn't long before he missed home.

[tamborine]

Pack y.smows stuff in bin bags for outside collection. Dont face on argue with dad.

[Togo]

Your problem is almost a mirror image of what I had to put up with Smow. Every time my son went to his mothers for a few days he would come back without the clothes I sent him in. The clothes were being sold at car boot sales. Game boy consol and games went missing (all sold). On and on it went. If I were you I would refuse to let anything of value go if you have paid good money for it. It will end up at the car boots. I used to spend a fortune on good clothes and trainers to get him back in cheap nylon stuff and his slippers. She even sold a guitar and insisted that he had lost" it. When he did finally at 16 go and live with her, it was only six months that he realised what was happening and soon wanted away. You need the hard love now, don't grieve, just be patient.

[Smowball]

He isn't budging so I don't have much choice in this but I can see him seriously regretting this in a months time. He doesn't even have any friends there!

[rockyracoon]

To be honest, the sooner you let him go, the sooner he'll be back. In a months time Sixth Form will just be getting started so if he does come home there's no reason why he shouldn't be able to take his place.