News3 mins ago
So Sorry To Bother You All But.....
98 Answers
I need some impartial advice. I'm getting opinions,left right and centre and I can't think logically . To cut a really long story short I ended up spending most of last night on the phone and is endless txt messages to my one son who Is always in trouble and tbh needs counselling in my opinion. He has been in prison, can be very violent and has such extreme mood swings that he scares me. He has a 4 yr old daughter who lives with mum and he speaks to daily on phone and sees every week. He is in and out of work and it's all a nightmare. Mr smow is away on business at the mo. Son ends up ringing me last night as he was having a bad day and he basically pleaded to come bk and live with me temporarily . We are three hours apart. He has tried living with me twice as an adult and both times ended badly. If I say yes then hubby will go absolutely mental. But I've got my child on the phone literally crying his eyes out as yet again he has got his life into a right state. Yet it's like Groundhog Day . I've been here and done this. I've offered advice and help to him all Eve and yet all he keeps saying is he wants to come home. He is 22.
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That news does make it a whole lot more serious. No offence but I think he needs to be resident at some clinic/hospital where this anger related behaviour is treated before he does something everyone will regret. There has to be a limit to the amount of leeway one gets in order to get themselves back on the straight & narrow. He seems not in control of himself, if his girlfriend is to be believed. Certainly needs investigating, now.
Maybe the drugs are the cause, or at least a contributing factor.
Maybe the drugs are the cause, or at least a contributing factor.
Where I come from you look after your own and you do not ignore your children however nasty they are. You need to help him I think, and you can't be doing that when he's living off someones couch can you? Get the poor lad home and forget you being 'frightened ' of him, then get him some help . Lay down the law saying he gets a bed and board as long as he co-operates and take him yourself to the Doctors. As for your Husband, well he married you for better or worse and if he goes mental then that is his problem. Unless you are frightened of him also,but that is another thread I guess.
you can take the mick all you like Berniecuddles but I had a cousin who went to London got a great job and loads of money then got made redundant and a big pay out too. He had a drink problem due to having no work and too much money but the Family hid it, his sister knew but dare not tell her Ma. The poor fella threw himself under a train while under the influence he was only 45. If his family had known they could have done something or helped at least.
"if he goes mental then that is his problem"
Possibly not just hos is the rest of the family find a kitchen knife in them. I think this rather irresponsible advice. It's not teaching the lad to be responsible, and rashly tries to avoid the use of professionals where it seems clear that they are needed.
That may be so ummmm, but who carries the can if a preventable act actually happens ? Just makes no sense.
Possibly not just hos is the rest of the family find a kitchen knife in them. I think this rather irresponsible advice. It's not teaching the lad to be responsible, and rashly tries to avoid the use of professionals where it seems clear that they are needed.
That may be so ummmm, but who carries the can if a preventable act actually happens ? Just makes no sense.
Irishmaid, you are not being desperately helpful. Don't you think Smow is already contemplating stuff like this? Perhaps you need to think before you speak. She doesnt need to act on the basis of a guilt trip.
Smow - if I were you I would contact a professional organisation. That's not to say the folks on here are not great and giving some cracking advice. However, it is clear that your boy is struggling, whether this is as a result of drug addiction or something else no one on here can tell you which it is. YOU need to get advice for YOU. First port of call I think is MIND. There are other organisations out there who might be able to help you think things through too.
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And stop feeling guilty.
Smow - if I were you I would contact a professional organisation. That's not to say the folks on here are not great and giving some cracking advice. However, it is clear that your boy is struggling, whether this is as a result of drug addiction or something else no one on here can tell you which it is. YOU need to get advice for YOU. First port of call I think is MIND. There are other organisations out there who might be able to help you think things through too.
http://
And stop feeling guilty.
OG - No one carries the can. The NHS can't magic places, the GP/psychiatrist can recommend a course of action but they can't do anything with nowhere to send them. They'll just be put on the waiting list.
Smow's son might not need a place though. He may benefit from a good counselor.
Although my son is somewhat younger than Smow's son he had a really hard time for various reasons. Our GP got him into counselling within a week and after 3 or 4 sessions he was a different boy.
Smow's son might not need a place though. He may benefit from a good counselor.
Although my son is somewhat younger than Smow's son he had a really hard time for various reasons. Our GP got him into counselling within a week and after 3 or 4 sessions he was a different boy.
No answers have offended me so no worries. He definitely has issues and the problem is the distance. I've previously arranged appointments etc and he just doesn't go, or goes once and then stops...no of course I'm not scared of hubby, no worries there. I'm thinking maybe just getting him here for a few days to see my own doctor and get a fresh assesment?? What do you think?
Barmaid has given the best advice so far. Your son needs help with what is clearly a mental health problem. Unfortunately the mental health budget has been cut back to the point where in most places it is effectively non existent.
I have posted on here many times that people with mental health issues are just being put into prison and forgotten rather than being helped.
The way forward is as Barmaid says to contact the charities that specialise in these problems. You can do this yourself, they help the family of sufferers as much as the sufferers themselves. Family support is absolutely VITAL in cases like this and the charities work with the families as much as or more than the sufferers themselves.
I have posted on here many times that people with mental health issues are just being put into prison and forgotten rather than being helped.
The way forward is as Barmaid says to contact the charities that specialise in these problems. You can do this yourself, they help the family of sufferers as much as the sufferers themselves. Family support is absolutely VITAL in cases like this and the charities work with the families as much as or more than the sufferers themselves.
Answers crossed while I was typing. I agree that you can do nothing while he is at a distance. My view is that no matter what the difficulties ,you have to allow him to stay with you for a short time while you work closely with him to get help. It has to be conditional on him co-operating and working actively with you towards getting help.
He will not do it on his own, I understand the 'tough love' policy and in many cases it is the right course of action, however I do not feel it is correct in this case.
If he has been in prison he should have been allocated a probation office to help him on his discharge, but again it often just does not happen due to budget cuts.
He will not do it on his own, I understand the 'tough love' policy and in many cases it is the right course of action, however I do not feel it is correct in this case.
If he has been in prison he should have been allocated a probation office to help him on his discharge, but again it often just does not happen due to budget cuts.
Smow, you’ve been through this before with him and both times its ended badly and by badly you mean that one time you found a kitchen knife in his bed. He is violent, paranoid and a drug user and you yourself say its like Groundhog Day...what makes you think that this time will be different?
Old saying...If you always do what you’ve always done, then you will always get what you have always got. Personally....and i don’t mean to be nasty, but honest...if he is going to do “something silly” then I don't think you can stop him.
Old saying...If you always do what you’ve always done, then you will always get what you have always got. Personally....and i don’t mean to be nasty, but honest...if he is going to do “something silly” then I don't think you can stop him.
This young man sounds as if he is incresingly dangerous to those around him... he has assaulted a young child (how many times?) , possibly his ex girlfriends and his mother is scared of him. His siblings are fed up with bailing him out and probably of the amount of attention he receives from his parents.... How long will this continue before he does some very serious damage to someone? If he always has a retreat to run to surely this will just go on and on and on. Will you be having the same problems in 10, 20, 30 years time? It must be time to issue an ultimatum ... no more until he has got medical help and given up the drugs... you have other children and possibly grandchildren to consider... would your children want him near their children or you want him near your grandchildren? I think sometimes one needs to be hard in order to effect change.
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