Why Is It Assumed We Would Relish Baby Sitting The Grand Kids Every Spare Minute?

[dave50]

Now grand children have come along, why is it assumed that we must want to see them and baby sit every spare moment and if we don't then we somehow don't care about them?
We still work full time and have a full active social life, we are not ready nor do we have the time to be on standby for baby sitting duties 24/7. We dont object now and again but while we are still working then it's strictly a limited service. What do others think?

[hereIam]

I'm not in this position dave, but a girl I used to work with had children and her mother told her point blank that she will not be giving up her life to constantly baby sit, so don't ask her! Surprisingly the girl was ok with this and respected her mother's views.

[Old_Geezer]

I think that if you feel put upon you should simply say that, unfortunately, you don't have the time to be available at all times, and that there are those who will babysit for a fee. Asking other parents for recommendations as to who are responsible and trustworthy is probably a good way to find one.

[Sqad]

I am not an expert dave........I have NEVER babysat the grand kids or the great grandkids and i sleep well every night, not giving that a thought.

[ummmm]

I agree. I rarely asked my parents to babysit. I only asked my parents to look after the kids on a needs be basis....an hour here and there.

Even if your weren't working they shouldn't be asking you...you've raised your kids, you've done your duty. Seeing your grand kids, imo, should be a family affair or when you chose you want to see them.

On the other hand...some grand parents love it.

[jno]

lol, Sqad, did you babysit your own?

[jackthehat]

A. Who is doing the assuming?
B. I think you are pefectly within your rights to keep babysitting duties to a level you feel suits your lifestyle.

[pixie374]

It's totally up to you when you agree to babysit. You've done your bit already and your children should appreciate any help you offer. It doesn't imply you don't care, in any way.

[Sqad]

jno.....LOL.....I can't remember........BUT...don't forget that I HATE my kids ;-)

[ummmm]

Kids are hard work.

[Mamyalynne]

It shouldn't be assumed, sounds like time for a grown up chat - easily done without falling out.

[jno]

oh, and to answer the question, no, you don't have to babysit anyone if you don't want to. For all that, it might be nice for kids to know their grandparents, and unlike your own kids you can always hand them back when you've had enough.

[Sqad]

dave...from my experience of others, it IS often, very often assumed that one of the duties of a grandparent IS to baby sit.
It never was the case and from what i remember one requested politely if the grandparents were prepared to babysit on occasions....special occasions.

[bhg481]

When our daughter was born her grandparents lived 250 miles away - so no option for babysitting there.
When our grandchildren were born our daughter tried to spread the load, telling us that it was not fair to expect us to babysit all the time, even though we were willing. We used to take them on holiday, both to the UK and mainland Europe.

[MallyJ]

Years ago there was an advert suggesting how young people should avoid getting involved in behaviour that others thought they indulge in...it went something like 'Just say no' You are old enough to be grandparents so use this next time people are rude enough to suggest they know better how to spend your time and Just Say NO!!

[mikey4444]

I am not in the position of being asked to baby sit much these days, but I have noticed that there appears to be presumed assent that grandparents will always want to do this.

My parents had the minimim of help, bringing up myself and my little brothers and once I had reached 10-11, I was expected to do more than my share.

I appreciate that people are finding it tough these days, but not half as tough as my Mum and Dad did back in the 50's and 60's. Perhaps people should cut their cloth to suit their purse ?

[zebo]

I personally love having our grandchildren to stay, especially as they're now out of the nappy stage and can come down in the morning and find the Disney channel. We had our granddaughter for most of Summer as she lives a long way away, the nearer ones we are glad to have when it's needed but it's never assumed by either daughter, they don't make arrangements until they know we can have them. How it will be as we get even older, 71 and almost 70, but for the moment we're happy to help out.

[Caran]

We used to live 75 miles away from family. When we retired we decided to move here to be near daughter and 3 grandchildren. Two years later there were two more, they had twins. We have done a lot of babysitting, school pickups,(not school deliveries as we are not up in time!)
Now they are growing up we are not needed, it feels strange!

[mazie]

My Daughter is a single Mum. We had our 3 for most of the Summer and loved it. They are older now and fun to have around.

[Smowball]

My children have appallingly decided to make me a grandmother of 4 while I'm still in my 40's!! I live 130 miles away and try to do a visit about every 6 weeks
But I still get constant not so subtle hints that their lives would be easier if I lived nearer. Well you kids chose to have kids so young, not me!!

[mazie]

We are both retired Smow, so nothing spoiling for us. When the kids are here we are out most days. We moved here 2 years ago to be nearer and are making the most of it.