I Really Dislike My 25 Year Old Daughters Boyfriend, It's Tearing Me Apart, Some Advice Please!
Our daughter is 25. She's very bright, intelligent, hard working and has always been a kind and loving daughter. She's also extremely attractive and fun to be with. She left home a year after finishing University, found herself a good job, learned to drive. She's been with her current boyfriend for 2 years now. He's 28 and was broke and living with his parents when they met. We were not impressed when we first met him although he's not a bad person and is quite friendly, and polite, there's no conversation unless its about football, eating and drinking. He's never asked us any questions about ourselves or shown much interest. He's never read a book in his life and has no qualifications or skills. It gets very boring, he's always looking at his phone,even at the table, and we have since realized that he gambles frequently, but we don't know how much. They have no mutual friends either.
We tried to make him welcome in our home, as they're a couple. My husband says that I'll just have to accept the situation, although he doesn't know what she sees in him either.
Our daughter has been subsidising him from the start of their relationship. Her boyfriend had taken out a large payday loan when he started his new job. He moved in with her a couple of months after they started seeing each other and we wondered why they never had any spare money and were scrimping and scraping. At the time she was paying nearly all the bills. He never helped much around the house, never once even mowed the lawn. I was angry, but didn't say much because she seemed really happy.
They're still together and want to rent a nice house between them and say that they are about to start saving up together.
Our daughter now works two jobs in order to buy herself some clothes,etc. and be able to save faster. She drives him to work and back every day (some 200 miles a month) He could quite easily get the bus. To his credit, her boyfriend does help out a bit more as she's working between 60 -70 hours a week now! My husband says that its up to her, as they're a couple and it's none of our business, but I think he's a lazy, useless, ignorant taker. If anything goes wrong with the car, etc. she has to sort it herself. He's never to my knowledge bought anything for the rooms that they've shared. She owes money on her credit card now and pays all the running of the car.
Her boyfriend has made little jokes and mentions them getting engaged in the future and stuff like that when we're with them. I can't make out if he's serious, or is just winding me up. I just ignore it. I did tell our daughter once that I thought she was trying to polish a turd and I didn't think that they were suited, but we've still fed them and made him welcome when she comes to visit, we've taken them out for lunches, dinner on special occasions and they've come for Xmas day too.
We recently took them away for a few days. It was for our daughter's benefit really, we wanted to spoil her and spend some time together as we were going away anyway. (I was worried, as she is starting to look haggard and has dark circles under her eyes.) Her boyfriend was ok, we got along fairly well. We were a bit annoyed that he didn't offer to buy us a drink, ice cream or anything. There's always an excuse. Our daughter would give you her last penny, but we were hoping that he'd offer to open his wallet for once, he earns good money, but has never, ever bought us so much as a cup of tea. We don't do things in order to get something back in return, we're not like that.
I'ts now come to the point where I can't stand the sight of him and I've got no respect. My husband says that we risk alienating our daughter, but I found out that he'd gambled as usual while she was slaving in her second job.I'm beginning to think that he has a gambling problem. Do I mind my own business? Do I voice my concerns to her? I don't want him in my home anymore, it's tearing me apart, I feel like she's wasting her youth on this lame duck.