To Forgive A Cheater ?

[AnswersNeeded]

I've been in a relationship for 1 year with this amazing guy. He isn't afraid to show love and affection no matter where. He's always making surprises for me, making me laugh and he always wants to spend time with me. Everything about us is great minus this one thing... He cheated on me, with three girls actually. For months. I had my doubts and asked him about them but he would always say how that's not true, how he could never do that. one month later I get my proof. He's been in a relationship with one of them, with the other he was sexting, and the third one he wanted to marry to get citizenship of the country we live in. I was in shock. broke up with him afterwards and he's been in a *** mood ever since. Crying, begging, anger, depression... He keeps telling me that he did that stupid mistake once and that he'll never do it again. Deep inside, I don't want to forgive him because - once a cheater always a cheater.i don't trust him anymore. But I also know that I will never meet anyone that would treat me so good and sweet like he did, someone who matches me completely. What should I do, I'm so confused about this whole situation?!?!

[Sqad]

naomi...your opinion is valued and respected.............but it is just that "your opinion."

[naomi24]

It is my opinion, sqad. I don't like to see anyone taken for a mug - man or woman.

[spathiphyllum]

Sqad do you agree, the main issue with the % of people cheating is due to not being honest with each other about what they want at the start of a relationship?

If your Ms promised to be faithful to you, and you came home to find her in bed with another man.. I'm sure statistics wouldn't cross your mind.

[ummmm]

There is something wrong in the relationship if you have to go elsewhere, whether it be for sex or affection.

[Sqad]

spath.....feelings and needs at the beginning of a relationship may vary widely in the middle of the relationship and be completely unrecognizable at the end of the relationship.
Play the cards that you are dealt.

We are not discussing MY missus, we are trying to define the term...NORMAL..in the context of this thread.

[Prudie]

Polyamory - that's a good and unusual word, you should name a rose after that!
I don't agree at all that it's people not being honest at the start of a relationship. I bet a large number of people who end up cheating truly believed they would be faithful at the beginning.

[ludwig]

This doesn't seem like a real question to be honest, but just in case - He sounds like a sociopath. Avoid at all costs.

[Rockrose]

If you love someone then you don’t look to dip your wick elsewhere!!

[Sqad]

ummmm

"There is something wrong in the relationship if you have to go elsewhere, whether it be for sex or affection."

Maybe, but my contention is that there are more relationships in which there is something wrong, than is admitted and it may, even be, that these flawed relationships are indeed the norm, based on my definition of norm..i.e more than 50%.

[spathiphyllum]

"spath.....feelings and needs at the beginning of a relationship may vary widely in the middle of the relationship and be completely unrecognisable at the end of the relationship.
Play the cards that you are dealt. "

Then it would be normal to communicate that with each other, then come to a relationship agreement, or break up. Communication is key.

Sqad if you met a lady and offered her to be in a relationship, the general understanding is it will be exclusive unless otherwise stated. If those ideas or terms change, they NEED to be communicated.

[Sqad]

RockRose......then we will have to agree to differ.

[spathiphyllum]

"Maybe, but my contention is that there are more relationships in which there is something wrong, than is admitted and it may, even be, that these flawed relationships are indeed the norm, based on my definition of norm..i.e more than 50%."
If i says to a lady, do you want to be in a normal relationship, i guarantee you sqad they will not take that as "oh, most relationships are dysfunctional, so this guy is asking me for a dysfunctional relationship"...

[Sqad]

Communication...COMMUNICATION.....LOL......that is the key to the whole thread, but doe communication offer anything positive.
It mayOR it may not.

[Rockrose]

Then I have to say that’s disgusting that you think that is acceptable behaviour!

[spathiphyllum]

Sqad never said it was acceptable, just normal

I understand your point Sqad. Most relationships don't work out, so they are classed as normal.. Yep normal it didn't work out or yep, normal he cheated on you.. But if people stuck to the rules, a normal relationship would be one of trust, faith, honesty but most importantly, commitment.

[rowanwitch]

Look in the mirror, say I deserve better and it will come then phone the home office and tell them he is trying to find a marriage of convenience. Hopefully they will get him out of your life for you. Come on you can do better and if you give yourself a chance you will do better.

Sqad, I think normal and ideal are being confused. In an ideal world for many you find one person who meets all your needs for the rest of your life. I agree infidelity is far more the norm but it's just easier to get caught nowadays with social media and mobiles. The days of discrete adventures are going fast. Now it's any minor misdemenour and it's next stop Jeremy Kyle and a lie detector.

[jackthehat]

There really is precious little point in challenging the views of the site's premier misogynist. We are all well aware of his views and he relishes threads like this as an opportunity to promote them....sadly.

With regard to the OP, you already know in your heart that the trust between you has gone.
Whilst you are clinging to him you are depriving yourself of the opportunity to find someone that you *can* trust and who will treat you better.
Move on.

[SparklyKid]

Nothing wrong with a bit of how's your father on the side, keeps marriage interesting.

[spathiphyllum]

Not sure how you can sleep next to someone every night knowing you're doing them over and spreading sexual fluids without their knowledge or consent.

It's grim unless you're in an official polyamory relationship and i'm sure most will agree with me but happy to accept that not all will.

[Rockrose]

If you want heartache stay if you want sanity go!