A Family Dilemma Do I Speak Out?

[gordiescotland1]

Hi there I am in a difficult situation my sister is getting married on Saturday 60 miles away she said that they want a low key affair her 2nd marriage and they have been living together for 10 years. She invited mum and dad and they asked her if she would mind if they didn't come and she said that was ok. It will be her 2 sons and his son. Now she had been texting my brother and me today saying she is very hurt and offended that they are not going and she doesn't want to see them for a while. But mum is giving them money for a meal out as her contribution. But she says that mum is small minded not even asking about the wedding. I see I have 3 options. 1. Speak to mum and tell her she is making a mistake by not going and she will regret it. 2. Invite myself to the wedding or 3 the most difficult say nothing ??

[Baldric]

3 looks good to me

[spathiphyllum]

I would try to find out why mum and dad don't want to go before considering any options.

[woofgang]

3 deffo and stay well out of the middle

[pixie374]

I don't know your family, but personally, I would at least tell my mum how my sister was feeling and give her a chance to either put it right/ explain or whatever. It is still obviously her choice, but she may not realise and should have the option to sort it out before it is too late.

[gordiescotland1]

I don't know why my sister would say she is ok with her decision not to go when now she isn't ?

[-SharonA-]

I have been in this situation when my MIL did not attend a grandson's wedding. Her excuse was it was so far, she was in her late 70's and the wedding was in Cornwall with no transport laid on for her.
After explaining, she still did not go and her daughter did not lay on transportation for her.

[pixie374]

Maybe your sister felt awkward and put on the spot, gordie and it seemed easier to agree at the time. It seems she is hurt by it anyway, and for both their sakes, I would give them a chance to sort it out. You know them best though.

[Bazile]

So , your sister has not invited you to her wedding ?

[Eleena]

How old are they gordie?
It's possibly the distance. A!so, if your mum & dad are. it people who socialise much, perhaps it's too much to contemplate.

[Eleena]

* mum and dad are not*

[gordiescotland1]

They are both fit and well and travel regularly around the country and abroad thru are 80 and 73 but their ability is not an issue it is only 60 miles away. I haven't been invited but neither has his siblings nor my brother so I'm not bothered. But I know she would like mum and dad to be there but she is too proud to beg

[Bazile]

Perhaps, secretly your mum and dad don't like your sister's husband to be .

[Eleena]

Could it be then that they are upset that some family were asked and others not?

[Bazile]

//..I haven't been invited but neither has his siblings nor my brother so I'm not bothered.//

Crikey , who have they invited then - the staff at their local Tesco's ?

[Eleena]

You can only ask them gordie. I wouldn't point out how this has upset your sister thougn, they will then feel obliged to go.

[pixie374]

As long as they are aware of that, gordie, it is their choice. If you aren't sure, I would just let them know- in a tactful way- how pleased she would be if they went. There is no point telling them afterwards when she is no longer speaking to them.... If they know the score and still don't want to go.... fair enough. You can't do anything about that.

[BagPussAA]

I am in a similar situation to you.. Piggy in the middle between a parent and a sibling who are arguing. Mine has turned into full on war and they havent spoken in nearly 14 years but I still get the moaning and b***ing when I speak to them both.

I see a 4th option for you. Tell your sister to tell Mum how she feels. Your mum doesnt know how hurt she is, as far as she knows, everything is fine. I wouldnt get stuck in the middle of the argument though. If your sister wont talk to your Mum, I would stay out of it.

[Peter Pedant]

least said soonest mended

[Peter Pedant]

// //..I haven't been invited but neither has his siblings nor my brother so I'm not bothered.// Crikey , who have they invited then - the staff at their local Tesco's ?

yeah did you see the long lost prog where the woman was wandering perhaps where she grew up before adoption and someone came up and said 'hey your half-sister is having a coffee in the local caff - go and have a word !"

[anneasquith]

Lack of communication between mum and daughter, give them a nudge to speak then your job there is done .