How Do I Explain My Husband

[812567]

We live in a joint family including me-my husband, his parents and brother-in-law and his wife. We have a small house where we have three bedrooms for each couple, an extra room which is used as store room and a kitchen. There is no hall and my room is on the where there is kitchen. I am getting extremely frustrated day by day as everyone comes to my room to have lunch and dinner and moreover they also sit till late in night to watch TV. They do have TV but no dish connection and the TV in my room is android which works with internet. I do not have any privacy; moreover I am pregnant and can’t rest. They do not have etiquettes and even my husband doesn’t understand such things. Please tell me how do I resolve this issue

[spathiphyllum]

Get a lock for your door. Explain to people (before you put it up) that you need some privacy as you find life very tiring at the moment, meaning you need more time to yourself knowing you can shut off.

You could also look into getting your own place, but i understand this would be stressful whilst pregnant.

[-SharonA-]

Surely your husband can see this is not ideal. Cannot you move out and rent?See the council about getting a place?? Whatever, you really must talk with your husband about your living arrangements and your feelings.

[spathiphyllum]

as a married couple you should have your own space and voice to be able say to your husbands parents to give you some space.

[Khandro]

Poor you! Print out your clearly written post in the OP, and hand it to them, nothing could be clearer than what you have said.

[woofgang]

are you in the uk?

[maggiebee]

Can you let us know what country you live in? What you describe has echoes for me when I was working abroad. It was the custom that the wives moved in to their husband's family home on marriage. This can cause tension such as you describe but is not always easy to solve. Would it be possible for you and your husband to move to a place of your own? If not at the moment, you need to make clear to your in-laws that you need privacy. You probably need to have a heart to heart talk with your husband too as he is probably just going along with what is the "norm".

[CrapAtCryptics]

Move

[MallyJ]

I could not live as you are living in the first place and it must be much worse as you are pregnant......it really is time to move out. Personally I would go but I am not sure about your husbands financial situation and whether you have enough money of your own to move out. Whatever your financial situation is it really is time to move out...please explain your very real unhappiness to your husband and possibly to your in laws. I do wonder what you plan to do with a child in such confined circumstances...your baby can't stay in the same room as you both until s/he is old enough to get married.

[BagPussAA]

I would suggest that you sit your husband down and explain to him that pregnancy is taking its toll on you and you need your space to rest and relax. Please can he explain to the others that, although you love being around them, right now you need some space to yourself and so when you shut your door, it means that you want to be on your own or just with him alone.

[ladybirder]

Is there a chance that another couple would swap with you who don't mind others in their space so often?

[New Judge]

//I would suggest that you sit your husband down and explain to him that pregnancy is taking its toll on you and you need your space to rest and relax.//

I have a sneaky suspicion (and only a suspicion, mind) that he may not give a toss. My suspicions are based on this (bearing in mind who the co-inhabitants are related to):

//We live in a joint family including me-my husband, his parents and brother-in-law and his wife.//

[fiction-factory]

Whilst there must have been enough privacy for you and your husband to conceive I can understand that you would want your own personal privacy too. The situation is only going to get worse when your child is born so you need to leave, so discuss this with your husband, although I think there is a good chance NJ has summed up the position accurately- given theculture your needs will probably be low down on the priority list. Would you be prepared to leave your husband if he wouldn't move?

[Smowball]

Sounds like my idea of absolute hell! Why are you all sharing a house anyway?

[New Judge]

//Why are you all sharing a house anyway?//

Because that's the way it's done in certain circles, smow.

[maggiebee]

//Why are you all sharing a house anyway?//
Probably because in countries like Albania, Turkey, Kosovo etc this is the norm. Things are changing, but like all change, it takes time.

[Khandro]

Welcome to AB by the way. Your English is excellent, so I take it you are British by birth, but the behaviour of your husband's family doesn't sound the norm for a British one, I've no wish to make any comment which could be construed as a racial criticism, but it might be helpful if we knew the facts because it might be possible to seek help outside of your household.

[Gromit]

I am guessing you are not in the UK as your housing set up is unconventional in this country.

// They do have TV but no dish connection and the TV in my room is android which works with internet. //

A simple solution is for them to get a Amazon Firestick or Android box which is relatively inexpensive. They can plug that into their own TV and watch over the internet.

[Cloverjo]

Gromit, it sounds like the problem is the lack of privacy in general rather than how they get their tv programmes.

[spathiphyllum]

Maybe if you acted in a way which stopped them from wanting to be around you?

You could try and bite your toe nails, maybe even have your feet out near their face all the time?

I know i'd leave a room if someone started acting in a manor i didn't want to be around.

[Cloverjo]

To the OP, I also suffered from lack of privacy when I moved in with OH who is now my husband. We lived over the business so staff and relatives would come up to make a cup of tea, lunch, hang their clothes up, do their washing, use my computer etc. It was unbearable. I told then OH I couldn’t live like this. We moved. Phew!