Xmas Lunch - Awkward

[chrissa1]

My daughter is coming up to our part of the world and bringing her husband and the twins to meet their uncle and cousins for the first time, for Xmas.

My son’s new partner who is a lovely person but quite clingy has taken it upon herself to include her mother into the Xmas Day lunch. I have never met her and of course neither has my daughter and family.

The thing is, is that my daughter’s mother in law is shelling out for the whole week and paying for the rent of the large house and I have said to my son that really she shouldn’t be having to pay for a stranger, too.

Also my daughter wants the twin’s first Xmas to be with Just, family and not have a complete stranger at the dinner table.

I have said that I will text a message to the girlfriend and explain everything.

How would you word it? TIA.

[Rockrose]

How dare she?
After being with your son for over a year perhaps she felt like part of the family and wanted her mother there.
If you put the kybosh on it now you will look like a right cow and you’re son may never forgive you and may even choose his girlfriend over you in the long run!

[emmie]

invite her, one more isn't going to harm surely.

[ladybirder]

Have you made your mind up yet what you are going to do Chrissa?

[ubasses]

I have only sped read through this so sorry if I am repeating anything. Has the MIL hosting/paying for the event been asked if she would mind the partner bringing her mother who will probably be on her own otherwise. If the MIL responds negatively, you will have to tactfully relay that, but you will not be the big bad ogress. If she is happy to welcome her, extend the invitation on MIL's behalf, but word it so that she knows she is only being invited for lunch/day apologising that there is insufficient accommodation for her to stay.
The rest of the family will still have a full week together and with any luck she will not stay too late on the day as she will have to make her way home.

[maggiebee]

What's the problem? We're talking about 1 day out of 365 after all. Why does Christmas bring out the best/worst in some people?

[AuntPollyGrey]

I know! Can't understand the attitude of some people. A couple of years ago my SIL told me it was his turn to have his uncle for Xmas lunch (not literally he's 70 and would be a bit chewy). It was also my turn to do Xmas lunch. No problems 7 days notice we just welcomed him as a visitor and even though we had only met the once before he had a great time and would have been on his own otherwise. I think there is a back story between the daughter and son and from experience a man will almost always in these situations choose his partner over family.

[woofgang]

ubasses, I am not sure that Chrissa should be relaying anything. With respect she hasn't paid for the house rental and isn't hosting the party.

[Prudie]

Well Chrissa you've been well and truly told how you should be reacting to the situation :-) to add some humour (well my sense of humour) on the other side of the coin personally I do anything I can to get out of big family meals with the in-laws. Christmas is only one day a year, but that's partly the point.

[ubasses]

The problem here is that the MIL hosting does not appear to have had this discussed with her, it would be unfair on her to just have another party turn up on the day. It needs someone to discuss the situation with her and Chrissa is taking it on herself. It would probably be better for her daughter to be doing it. My opinion, for what it is worth is the MIL will probably not see any problem and agree, but of course we do not know the dynamics of the family.

[hereIam]

I agree with the majority of comments on here and if she IS otherwise going to be alone on the day, then even more reason to let her come !

[bednobs]

Hi chrissa did you decide what to do?

[chrissa1]

Things came to a head yesterday when we were informed that not only was the mother “invited” but she wanted her daughter, who we thought was going to her Dad’s, but also her no-hoper son who sponges off my son, hasn’t got a job and take drugs.

After clearing it with her MIL who said it was fine for the mother and daughter to come my daughter said an absolute, categorical No to the son coming. She said she had a zero tolerance of anyone using drugs and especially around her 6 month old twins.

This caused a few tears etc etc but all is well now. Phew!!

[ummmm]

Hey...look on the bright side. It probably won't be boring :-)

[pixie374]

Yes....my sons and daughters wouldn't dream of trying to overrule who I invited to my own house.

[albaqwerty]

I really, really hope the son isn't the type who'll tag along with the attitude 'it's Christmas, no-one's going to turn me away'

[chrissa1]

Well he can’t drive and the house is 20 miles from home. This is in Northumberland and the rural bus service is virtually non existent. So that’s not a worry, alba.

[ummmm]

Who is the 'no hoper' son? Is it your sons GF's brother or her own son?

[albaqwerty]

I hope he stays away Chrissa and also hope you all have a lovely time. x

[chrissa1]

https://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Family/Question1681486.html

Ummmm

[ummmm]

Remember now. That's a very difficult one. May be a lesson to learn from the son...conform or bog off.