He Did It Again

[pastafreak]

DDs dad only had 45 minutes to spare to be with her...:(
They were supposed to meet for drinks. She was delayed because, while here, she's been tying up the loose ends of a project for work...negotiating a contract and it's the first time she's ever done that. He showed up and waited downstairs.
At the bar, she'd not even finished her first drink, and he says he has to go...he has to cook dinner. So basically, they just met to exchange gifts. She came home in tears...this s young woman who doesn't shed tears.
Every year, it gets a bit worse each time she meets him. When it was at his home with his wife, there was usually a spat of some sort. I feel So bad for her...
Sorry to put a damper on what should be a happy time.

[ummmm]

How old is your daughter? What is their relationship like otherwise?

[pastafreak]

She 34...and it's been like this for a good few years. She always stats with me when she comes down...either by herself or with her BF. But her dad almost never sets aside several hours for a relaxing catchup. They can both be the type to get caught up in work and forget to get in touch with each other.

[ummmm]

I wouldn't take it to heart if they are similar.

My mum and I are similar. Neither of us expect much from the other one. We're great mates though. Quality over quantity.

[anneasquith]

Some men do not deserve the honour of being fathers. One day your dd. Will realise this man is not important in her life. When that time comes it will be like a weight off her shoulders. Let’s hope it’s sooner than later. She has her mum .

[ummmm]

Anne...Pasta said they are both the type to get caught up in work and not get in touch.

It's a two way thing. Little Pasta is a grown woman.

[anneasquith]

She was crying ummm.

[Mamyalynne]

The time can't be long in coming that she simply accepts that is how he is and stops letting herself get upset by it.

[Cloverjo]

My son has a father who can’t be bothered with him sometimes and then wonders why son isn’t too interested. Son is now of the age that it doesn’t matter that much so doesn’t expect much, if anything.
I’m sorry for your daughter’s upset, pasta.

[ummmm]

So her expectations were higher this year.

You have to be pretty damn clear about that to people who get wrapped up in other things. People aren't mind readers.

[pastafreak]

I know they are similar, but she's the one who is so, so upset. She feels he is being rude...and that he doesn't care. Obviously I've only got her side...but I lived with him for 22 years

[pastafreak]

Actually ummmm...this lived up to her expections based on past experience.

[Peter Pedant]

my next door neighbour has jjust returned home from a mini-stroke
actually it looked a tho she had had a full one ( but small)
and has residual disability

left me a bit shaken - me not her

[AuntPollyGrey]

This seems to me like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. DD finishes a work project rather than be on time to see her dad. He's left hanging around for her in a bar, by the time she turns up he only has time for a short hello ( 45 minutes is ok to me.....) because he has other commitments. She bursts into tears because daddy has another life and can't put that on hold for her. hello? sorry but she's a grown woman, not a child not even a young woman. When I was her age I had three kids and two ex husbands. You need to let go she needs to grow up. In my opinion her dad was not being unreasonable , she was in expecting him to wait until she'd finished her work project even though they'd arranged a time. He waited patiently and gave her as much time as he could. If she'd been on time then she's have had more time with him.

[Peter Pedant]

// The time can't be long in coming that she simply accepts that is how he is//
over the week end, my brudda told me that since I had not died from two bouts of leukaemia, I er couldn't have it

I wondered about 'Archibald you are a doctor for chrissakes, ' and settled instead for - 'oh'

[ clearly had missed out on the lectures on oncology]

[pastafreak]

She'd explained about the work project...which needed finishing today. He himself is no stranger to important deadlines. She'd also arranged an approximate time range...between 4-5pm. He came and waited in his car downstairs. I don't believe that making dinner should be more important than devoting several hours to the daughter he rarely sees. So 45 minutes is NOT ok. He lives locally, yet doesn't even invite her for a meal at his. I could go on. All I know as her mum is that this distresses her...a lot. I

[pastafreak]

PP...you're rambling a bit. I can usually understand you.

[AuntPollyGrey]

I think you are biased and probably fuelling her negative feelings towards her father. He turned up -she was late -he had other plans later. How long would he have had with her had she arrived on time? If he set aside 4pm to 6 pm and she rocked up at quarter past five its hardly his fault is it?. Shoe on the other foot how would you feel if you had to meet a family member who turned up late then expected you to cancel your plans to accommodate them? there is always two sides to a story and I bet he wasn't too pleased he was left sitting in his car waiting for his DD to finish her work. Why didn't you invite him in to wait for her?

[pastafreak]

Errr....I didn't know he was out there.
Of course I am biased...particularly as in the past he has not allowed much time for her. And this is when she's not been late...or had other obligations. But he's had to get back to make dinner.
I would always have time for her...and I'd certainly put her before cooking dinner( especially when there's another family member who can also do that.) If you don't see your children often, then you make time for them when you do. If I was still working, I'd sure as hell make time to be with her.
As for her thoughts...she's feeling bad that she had this project to complete...I'm just glad to have her here.