ChatterBank0 min ago
Adoption?
15 Answers
I know this woman who has a daughter in foster care since she was 5. The little girl is now 12.
She is very well settled in her family and is doing well both educationally and socially.She doesnt seem to be having any problems. She sees her mother every 2 months and is very aware of her family background and extended family, cousins etc. The mother has had emotional problems in the past and drug abuse. She is good now but has bouts of depression. She has asked me for advise but I don't know what to say. She is wondering if it would be better for the little girl if she let her be adopted by the new family.
Can anyone advise me on what I should say. Anybody have any experience in similar circumstances
She is very well settled in her family and is doing well both educationally and socially.She doesnt seem to be having any problems. She sees her mother every 2 months and is very aware of her family background and extended family, cousins etc. The mother has had emotional problems in the past and drug abuse. She is good now but has bouts of depression. She has asked me for advise but I don't know what to say. She is wondering if it would be better for the little girl if she let her be adopted by the new family.
Can anyone advise me on what I should say. Anybody have any experience in similar circumstances
Answers
1 to 15 of 15
Best Answer
No best answer has yet been selected by MrsLadyBug. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
I think this is something she needs to speak to the foster family about. It sounds like the mindset of someone with psychological problems or mpre likely, very delicate mental health. If she's going to suggest it, she must be absolutely certain. It may be what she thinks is best for her girl, but things don't sound as if they need to change that much, all relationships seem pretty cool right now.
Start by pointing out the practicalities of considering adoption. It would mean roughly two years of paperwork, court procedures and vetting (even though the child is already in her care). It would cost anywhere between £4000 and £9000 in court fees. Once the adoption was completed, she'd lose the fostering payments that she's been getting for the past seven years, cutting her income by around nine or ten thousand pounds per annum. So it's a massive step to take.
In making decisions about adoption, and related issues, courts always put the child's interests first, as hope that everybody would want to do in this situation. If the girl is happy enough with the existing arrangements, what would she actually gain if the adoption was to take place and, equally, what might she lose through it?
In making decisions about adoption, and related issues, courts always put the child's interests first, as hope that everybody would want to do in this situation. If the girl is happy enough with the existing arrangements, what would she actually gain if the adoption was to take place and, equally, what might she lose through it?
Personally I think she should leave things as they are. I think the child is well balanced enough to handle things but her mother thinks she is ashamed about her situation in school because she has a different name to her "brother" and fosterparents.
The child's mother hasn't been in any receipt of payments since the fostercare started. The foster parents getting paid though I should imagine. She needs to be sure before even broaching subject to anyone involved.
The child's mother hasn't been in any receipt of payments since the fostercare started. The foster parents getting paid though I should imagine. She needs to be sure before even broaching subject to anyone involved.
>>> her mother thinks she is ashamed about her situation in school because she has a different name to her "brother" and foster parents
Good grief! In my teaching days it was just as common for a child to have a different surname to their parent(s) as it was for them to have the same surname. It was far from uncommon to have siblings with different surnames too. I very much doubt that the girl will be the only one in her class whose surname doesn't match that of her parent(s).
Good grief! In my teaching days it was just as common for a child to have a different surname to their parent(s) as it was for them to have the same surname. It was far from uncommon to have siblings with different surnames too. I very much doubt that the girl will be the only one in her class whose surname doesn't match that of her parent(s).
If the child is comfortable with and understands her situation she can probably talk openly with her peers. If an uncomfortable situation arises hopefully she can speak openly with her foster parents or teacher. The matter of adoption should be a discussion firstly between the foster parents and the child. If the birth mother
really wants to relinquish her parental rights she probably should speak with the social worker involved with the case. Also what about the biological father and his feelings if he is involved with the child
really wants to relinquish her parental rights she probably should speak with the social worker involved with the case. Also what about the biological father and his feelings if he is involved with the child
I first told my daughter she was adopted when she was 5 and starting school. The ex pat community here was very small then and many parents of her class mates knew of her adoption. As she grew older she would come up with different questions but she also knew that one of her cousins was a half brother who had been adopted by my sister. There was no secret of her adoption and I would imagine that having been fostered since she was 5 the child is aware of her situation
Pasta, this is my worry too.
I think the birth mother should think very long and hard before even talking to social workers.
I am hoping this is just a passing notion as she has been feeling a bit down lately.
Calmck, she is very aware of the situation, knows why she was put in care in the first place, but as I said teenage girls (and boys) can be very hormonal and cruel with jibes.
She gets on very well with her birth mother with no outward animosity but they don't see each other too often.
Thanks all for listening to me. I feel a bit clearer in my own mind after getting it off my chest.
I think I will be trying to get her to see things differently and I know she will be grateful a few years down the line.
I think the birth mother should think very long and hard before even talking to social workers.
I am hoping this is just a passing notion as she has been feeling a bit down lately.
Calmck, she is very aware of the situation, knows why she was put in care in the first place, but as I said teenage girls (and boys) can be very hormonal and cruel with jibes.
She gets on very well with her birth mother with no outward animosity but they don't see each other too often.
Thanks all for listening to me. I feel a bit clearer in my own mind after getting it off my chest.
I think I will be trying to get her to see things differently and I know she will be grateful a few years down the line.
I'm sorry she gets depressed. I think you should convince her that a foster family is people looking for someone to love all their life. The foster family won't prohibit her from being who she is. I know that future foster parents undergo psychotherapy to be adequate and psychologically balanced. Also, many foster parents find kids for adoption in agencies like https:/
1 to 15 of 15
