What Should I Do About My Girlfriend?

[boncha123]

So firstly I want to start this post with the fact that I do actually love my girlfriend very much, up to this point I have 100% seen a future with her long term and would love to be able to continue to have a healthy relationship with her.

My girlfriend and I are about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. Prior to this relationship, I have experienced heartbreak (got cheated on) which unfortunately has led to me having trust issues (once triggered). A few months into our relationship, my girlfriend and I went away. During this vacation, it was brought to my attention that my girlfriend was entertaining a flirtatious conversation with a previous boyfriend. I was informed by a mutual friend of mine and the ex. He later screenshots of the conversation. The messages were nothing crazy, but were definitely not messages I enjoyed seeing, especially as from the conception of our relationship, I have given nothing but 100% and been entirely honest and loyal. The messages contained things like missing previous times together, and how he would go back in time and redo it all again. At no point did she state that she was now in a relationship and that the conversation was inappropriate. Instead, she seems to laugh at the messages, almost urging the guy to continue with the flirtatious comments.

After our vacation, I brought these messages to her attention and told her i had seen the messages. We didn't speak for a couple of days and after that (she attempted to message but I ignored her messages). I messaged her a few days after saying i had processed the situation and was happy to move on as long as she could assure me that it would be the last time dealing with such a thing. She sincerely apologised and acknowledged that it was wrong and that she knew it wasn't really acceptable. Since then, things have been smooth, however since then, I now find myself constantly worried and nervous that she is entertaining conversations with other dudes.

I recently discovered the password to her phone and i have now made a habit of checking her messages when shes in the bathroom or shower. I know it is an invasion of privacy and it is wrong but i just cant help it sometimes, as i fear being hurt again. A particular name has come up over the last few times (for the purpose of this, lets call said person, Person A)but nothing too daunting or worrying. Over the weekend, we went on another city break and I happened to go through her messages on Snapchat. For those that aren't aware, Snapchat gives you the ability to save your messages and the messages of the person you are talking to. I saw Person A's name there again. I decided to click the messages and scroll back a few days. I saw that my girlfriend, although not saving any of her responses, had all of his messages saved. Messages such as him asking to take her out, asking when she will give him a chance, him calling her pet names such as "my sweet (insert name here)". These messages spanned back a few weeks. What really wound me up was the fact that she had actually responded to him whilst we were together saying she was just "chilling" when asked what she was up to. Reading his messages, it became apparently clear that this guy most probably had no clue she has a boyfriend because in one of his messages he stated if she wasn't interested, that she should just let him know and he will stop bothering her.

The problem i am facing now is I'm really struggling to trust my girlfriend. Firstly, due to the first incident that occured but also because of these additional messages that I have seen. As previously mentioned, I have absolutely no clue what her responses to these messages were, as she didn't save her responses, but by the looks of it, the guy has not been shut down, not in a way I know I would, had I been in the same situation. I don't know what to do, I feel like I can not confront my girlfriend about these messages because of how i came to find out about them. I shouldn't have been sno

[cashier]

Ditch her, she deserves better than someone who checks her phone and confronts her about the conversations she had on the phone. She probably doesn't take your friendship as seriously as you do, you sound quite controlling.

[Bobbisox1]

This is no basis for any relationship to work , there’s no way you should be in her phone looking at HER messages, you don’t trust her then move on

[LadyCG]

She might not be interested in these men - some woman (and men) just thrive on attention.

You definitely need to have a serious discussion though as the situation can't go on like this. You need to own up to looking through her messages and tell her you didn't feel comfortable doing it but neither are you comfortable with the content of those messages and just make it clear that if you have a future together then she needs to stop having inappropriate conversations with other men.

[Mamyalynne]

Join a monastery.

[LeonBlank1995]

I would say if she is having an "affair" as such, she would have the wherewithal to take her phone in to the shower. Surely there is a shelf or something in the room. Probably as said above, she enjoys the attention.

[Sqad]

Sorry boncha(love that name) I cannotbe bothered to read all that drivel but you are very lucky to have found this site (again) as our resident agony aunts are in residence this evening.

[Canary42]

Bail out NOW - neither of you are mature enough for a serious relationship.

[golddust5]

I think she would be better off without you as you come across as too possessive and controlling to be in a relationship.

[Bobbisox1]

And GrandpaGrouch too ;0)))

[Bobbisox1]

That was for Sqad ;)

[Sqad]

bobbi......- ;)

[Canary42]

/// Sqad: I cannot be bothered to read all that ///

Obviously not a Soaps fan ;-)

[DTCwordfan]

Retire to the Sacred Heart Priory in Hindley Green if you are up to masquerading as a woman in transition. Or you could join Stonyhurst as a counsellor?

[Peter Pedant]

can you put your girlfriend on?
I think we all have good advice for her ....

[Sqad]

Canary nope..lol

[Bobbisox1]

So me and Sqad have some good natured banter here then whooosh, it goes
Very heavy handed modding !!