Grandaughter And Some Advice Please

[fruitsalad]

My Grandaughter who is now 10 years of age, upset me this morning, she had messaged me to ask if I was picking her up from school today, her Grandad and myself have had her, nearly, every weekend since she was a baby, last weekend while she was here, I said to her I cannot have you next weekend as Grandad and me, are going for a meal with some friends, and will see you the following weekend, she seemed OK with that, until this morning, when I received her message, when I rang her back, to remind her of this, she put the phone down on me, I let her know she had been extremely rude, and have not heard from her since, obviously she's in school now, so I don't really expect to, her Mother and my Son are no longer together haven't been since she was 5 that being one of the reasons, we have had her most weekends and school holidays, as, has, her Father, the reason being her Mother brought a lot of different men into the house, after splitting with our Son, so we wanted to get her away from that environment, as much as possible, her Mother is now settled again with a man and they have a new baby, I am wondering, if my Grandaughter is punishing me for some reason, I just cannot understand what, when she's here she is mostly lovely, but I don't know how to deal with her rude outburst, it's not the first time, by the way.

[Sqad]

A right little madam....

Mother irresponsible and father is a waste of space.

Don't contact your granddaughter until she contacts you.

Spoilt little brat cannot treat grownups like you.

Go out...don't feel guilty .

[emmie]

yes i agree ^^

[ToraToraTora]

just ignore till she wants something.

[Barsel]

Put yourself in her shoes and try and think how she feels, she's upset.
At 10 years old, she is unlikely to say, 'Oh yes, sorry I forgot.'
In her mind it's a rejection and she is not only upset, but angry, and the only way she felt she could deal with it was to put the phone down on you.
If this was me, I would phone her and be as nice as possible and say you're sorry if she had forgotten and you will see her next week-end.
Some children have tough lives and sometimes people forget that.

[wolf63]

She is only ten.

Maybe her weekends with you are the high point of her week and she is sad that she has to stay at home this week.

[calmck]

Typical bratty pre teen not getting what she wants. New baby at home so less attention for her. Probably feels a little neglected Message her saying . " We would have loved to have you this weekend but have other plans that cannot be changed. We look forward to seeing you next week as usual.

[fruitsalad]

Yes, I intend on ignoring her, until she contacts me again, OH said hang the phone up on her next time she rings you, but that seems a bit childish, to me, I wondered if the broken home, and the different men coming and going, has affected her in some way, although I was from a broken home, (not men coming and going, mind) but I was never rude to my grandparents or anyone else for that matter.

[Barsel]

Children are very different these days to when you were a child.
Before you decide to ignore her, have a think about all the young people who take their own lives these days because of depression.
If you still wish to ignore her then that's down to you.
You've asked for advice, but you have already decided what you are going to do.

[calmck]

Also being a grandma I would contact her on Saturday morning aske her what she is doing etc. Yes she probably should apologise but it will be more effective if you cal her

[fruitsalad]

It wasn't so much what I was going to do, I was more concerned with what could be causing the way she treats me, sometimes, I will try and ring her in a few days, but she will probably ignore that, I will see.

[anneasquith]

Maybe off topic a bit, why does she not spend the weekends with her father ?…… Ignore her behaviour.

[pastafreak]

Please don't ignore her. And don't expect her at 10 to behave in an adult manner. Girls at that age become highly irritable and irritating little madam's. Hormones and lord knows what else are the cause. Just let her know that you are looking forward to next weekend. Leave it in her court then...give her time to mull things over.

[jno]

don't ignore her. She's only 10, and from a broken home, so she can act like a child; you're an adult.

[Maydup]

She’s not a brat, just a 10 year old who clearly values her weekends with you. At that age she is likely to be feeling a bit rejected and jealous of you having something else to do other than be with her.

Remember who’s the grown up. Leave her to cool off and contact her after the weekend to ask if she had a good weekend and looking forward to seeing her again next week. Shall we do a bit of Christmas shopping or go for a hot chocolate? Etc

Don’t mention it again just move on.

[Cloverjo]

I totally agree with the sympathisers of your granddaughter.
New baby. New stepdad. Suddenly granny’s not there for the weekend.
Carry on as normal and give her an extra squeezy hug when you next see her. She might push you away, but you’ll be doing the right thing.

[Mamyalynne]

It's clear that her time spent with you and her Grandad are seen as a respite from all that bothers her and she loves you very much.

Ok, she has acted a little rashly in response but she's only 10.
Next time you have some quiet moments alone with her try to reassure her and explain how we all need to deal with disappointments now and then.

[Barsel]

/// I was more concerned with what could be causing the way she treats me///
We all take our frustrations out on someone, and it's quite often the one we love the most.

[fruitsalad]

anneasquith, she does spend weekends with her father, now, but we had her mostly at weekends, when she was younger, as her Father worked abroad, which was one of the reasons her parents separated.

[curlygirlies]

My nan was my sanctuary every weekend from a not very nice environment at home. Please call her after school for a chat, kids are more important than a meal out x

[bednobs]

Hi FS, i have an almost 10 year old. I have recently had to have some "attitude adjustment" talks with her. Her and her dad (my husband) are so similar - they will both blow up, and things will just escalate with NEITHER of them willing to apologise. So many of their confrontations could be solved so simply by one of the (and i dont care which one!) taking a big breath and saying "sorry about that, i didnt mean it, i'll try harder to be calm in the future". Unfortunately neither of them are wired to do that. I get stuck between the two pf them (being the peacemaker and never having been afraid of taking the blame for something that's my fault) I agre she's being rude, but dont agree with the shouting it out method they both employ!
Not that any of that helps you, ut i wanted to say you are not alone, and i thnk it could be an age thing - we have recently seen an increase in the never taking responsibility for your own actions behaviour from her. It's always the dog's fault, the plate's fault (for not levitating to the kitchen on its own), daddy's fault, schools fault etc etc, while all her teachers, friends parents, group leaders and so on describe what an angel she is!
I cant give you advice because your own family dynamic will work differently to mine but what i will say is YOU are the adult, she is the child. You need to role model the behaviour you want to see from her