Grandaughter Problems

[fruitsalad]

My Grandaughter age 11 stays with me 2 or 3 times a week, and this morning on the way to taking her to school, I found a vape which she denied, it was hers or knowing what it was, I told her I was throwing it away, and explained the dangers of smoking etc., I put it on the side to throw away later, and as soon as we were about to go out of the door, she decided she needed the loo, after dropping her to school, I noticed it was missing, obviously she's picked it up, now I know she hangs about with a couple of girls one a year older than her and one 4 years older, when she stays at her own home, and they both vape, (not sure if their Mother knows) but they are not my problem, my Grandaughter is, I am wondering if I should tell my Grandaughters parents, or keep quiet on this occasion, I don't want her to feel she can't come to me with any problems, if she knows I tell her parents.

[Bobbisox1]

Hi fruit salad,my niece just last week was saying the very same thing re her granddaughter, it appears vaping is sweeping through schools just now, I’d probably tell her first if it doesn’t stop you’re going to have to tell her parents

[calmck]

Ask her for it back. Tell her you know she took it to school and if she does not return it tell her you will speak to the school and her parents. Tell her you will not be able to have her stay with you if you cannot trust her and that vaping at her age is illegal.

[fruitsalad]

Thank you, for advice yes I am going to have another word with her, I am so angry that she had the audacity to take it back after, I had told her I was going to throw it away, and if she doesn't take any notice of me, then I will have no choice, but to tell her parents.

[calmck]

The school also needs to know.

[Ken4155]

If it's rife in the school, those in charge will definitely know all about it. Stopping it is another thing altogether. How many of us smoked in the toilets or behind the bike shed when we were at school, having first posted 'look-outs'? Quite a few, i would imagine.
Fruitsalad, if you don't tell her parents, they may well hold that against you when they eventually discover she is 'vaping'. Tell them.

[Old_Geezer]

Having taken it back after you confiscated it, that would be enough for me to have informed her parents. They should be made aware.

[bednobs]

im not sure what kind of relationship you have with the parents, but if its a normal relationship, you need to tell them

[MissTerious]

Agree with Old Geezer. She has reached that difficult age when girls really do start to play up. Her parents and the school need to know. Difficult for you too!

[MissTerious]

Bednobs is right.

[Peter Pedant]

yeah I also get the vibe abvout hanging around with older girls

oh are they discussing Trolope and Dickens and which uni is best for their course?

nope....

[Peter Pedant]

, but if its a normal relationship, ( you know normal like dog eat dog) you need to tell them

haw haw haw - joke joke for chrissakes

[choux]

fruitsalad, I read your post just after you had made it and have pondering how I would deal with her. I think you have answered it yourself: "...I don't want her to feel she can't come to me with any problems,..."

Your granddaughter may well be at the rebellious age but I think it is so wise that you really don't wish to alienate yourself from her. What other adult would she confide in if not you or her parents? Some long chats are required, imo. I wish you well with them. x

[Canary42]

Very sensible answer from choux. There may come a time when she needs someone she can trust but other than her parents and your potential value in this respect is incalculable. Have a quiet chat with her confirming you're not going to sneak on her and you'll always be there if she wants to talk confidentially about anything, but gently hint that trust is a two-way channel.

[MissTerious]

Yes, you are right Choux - as usual.

[roadman]

tell parents

[MissTerious]

She also needs to know about the dangers to health. Does she realise it addictive and that vapes contain nicotine. She is still growing. Vapes can damage the brain.

https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/basic_information/e-cigarettes/Quick-Facts-on-the-Risks-of-E-cigarettes-for-Kids-Teens-and-Young-

It might be good to discuss this with her in a gentle way. If it frightens her a bit it won't hurt. She is still at the age where she will take notice of you.

[choux]

MissT, fruitsalad has mentioned she has done that in her OP :)

[maggiebee]

Like it or not I personally feel this is a rite of passage. Whether it's with cigarettes, alcohol or vapes, young people are going to experiment. All we can do is support them to understand the dangers these actions can have. Your granddaughter obviously trusts you. I realise you have her best interests at heart so don't drive her away.

[MissTerious]

Just saw that choux. Should have read it properly, sorry Fruit Salad

[choux]

:)