Is It Normal To Forget Your Friends When Moving In With A Partner?

[abbeylee90]

My friend has recently moved in with her boyfriend. I spoke to her in a group with my other friend last week about my birthday and said she can't commit to a night out in advance due to money which is fine. She hasn't messaged me first either. Is that life of moving out? 

[Canary42]

Yes

[Neveracrossword]

Your friend hasn't 'forgotten' you, she just hasn't texted you in the last 10 days or so! 

As you yourself previously lived with a partner, you'll know how busy and exciting those first few weeks can be.

Is this the friend you wanted to 'protect' (from the other, newer friend) a few weeks ago?

[abbeylee90]

Yes

[Neveracrossword]

Thanks, Abbey. Did you 'forget' any of your friends when you moved in with your partner, or were you constantly in touch  with everyone in those early days?

[abbeylee90]

Not contact but stayed in touch with them

[Neveracrossword]

Thanks, Abbey - I don't really understand, how did you keep in contact if you didn't text (or phone)? 

Do you think it's reasonable to think a friend has 'forgotten' you after such a short period of time?

[Hazlinny]

Abbey, your friend is probably taken up with the novelty and excitement (as NAC said) of a new way of living - I don't think your friend will have forgotten about you or any of her other friends.  Give her some space.

[jourdain2]

It's perfectly reasonable of your friend to put her girlfriends 'on the back burner' at this time. It really is  just life.  She has a relationship to consolidate and I expect she wants it to be good and to last, so it has to come first.

Things settle down.  I still have friends from my school days, but I don't see them (one in Bangkok and one in N. London).

Good friends last through changes, give her her space and use the time for yourself.

 

[barry1010]

If she was living with her parents before she moved in with her boyfriend she probably doesn't have as much free time as she did - grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry and all the rest of the day to day drudgery takes time.

Also she won't be having the social life of a single girl now she has her own home, she will have much less spare cash to spend in bars and clubs.

[Karamia]

I think as most of my friends have own homes partners children etc we go out less, bit what we all do instead is pop to see each other for a natter and a chat/catch up, especially if one of us has a problem to share or discuss. I love inviting different friends over to mine for an evening or for a few hours one afternoon. Sometimes I meet them to walk their dogs n have a chat. 

Sounds like your 2 friends who are getting along together now, may also enjoy popping to each others houses to see one another etc. 

Do you go to your friends new home often to see her and have a 1-1 catch up? Or have you tended to turn down these types of meet ups? 

[abbeylee90]

No never been to hers and I don't think they go over each others.

Yes she said she can't commit to a night out in advance 

[renegadefm]

This is sadly normal when best friends meet their loved one. 

This has happened to me, a long term friend of mine who I actually met at school when we were 11, and now we are both 54, actually I am 55 next week.

And he's been in on and off relationships all his life, but always visits or I visited him, but his new girlfriend is a little bit more controlling let's say, so I never get to spend time with him as I have done for over 40 years. 

Sadly situations change, friends drift apart by and large. It's never nice. 

[abbeylee90]

Imreally angry at her she says she can't commit to nights out in advance my birthday is May which she says she not sure about but my other friend birthday in July and says she definalty going to that 

[abbeylee90]

Im really angry at her she says she can't commit to nights out in advance my birthday is May which she says she not sure about but my other friend birthday in July and says she definalty going to that 

[Canary42]

Sadly, it really sounds as though she wants to finish the friendship. So forget her and find lots more new more rewarding friends.

[Redhelen72]

Perhaps she has a lot on in May which is why she cannot commit but is not busy in July.

its not a special birthday so I think you need to let this go you are sounding needy 

[douglas9401]

'busy and exciting' and 'novelty and excitement' may be things you need to look for, for yourself.

Those phrases mean a full and satisfying sex life btw, not Ferris wheels and fireworks.

[abbeylee90]

We have been friends for over 10 years and I get her siblings birthdays are in May but she hasn't even offered to make it up to me

[abbeylee90]

She asked us both if we wanted to go out Friday just gone but other friend couldn't 

[Impatiens]

Abbey, when you get bored on Sunday afternoons why don't you listen to music or read a magazine instead of fretting over old grievances?