contact at Xmas

[vonda]

I evicted my 19 year old son from the family home in September, after much soul searching and seeking advice on here. I text him, I know he's OK, I also know he is not spending Xmas with his father, and would rebuff any suggestions I made about meeting up with him. Any suggestions on the next steps, or should I give him longer to get over my action?

[crete]

oh you poor thing at least you know he is safe, would you be willing to have him at home for xmas dinner and an overnight stay ?

[WendyS]

This must be a difficult time for you but to have evicted him you must have been at the end of your tether . Your son has had four months to reflect and maybe he's now found that life on the "outside" is not very pleasant but can't bring himself to apologise although he may desperate want to come back..
Do you want him back? Or only if his behaviour has changed? Why not text him and ask him if he wants to come for Christmas lunch? If he rebuffs you, at least you won't feel guilty about him being alone and and if he comes, maybe it will be the first step towards some kind of reconciliation. He may think he's an adult which legally of course he is, but underneath he may still be shocked at what happened and emotionally immature enough not to know how to tae the first steps to put things right.

[vonda]

Thanks Wendy S,he isn't one for family meals, I would rather meet him away from home, but as he won't respond to my texts, that's not an option at the moment.

[crete]

vonda i do feel for you if you have txt him and he has not replied i think thats as much as you can do at the moment, i have a friend with a very similar problem as you. i believe he will contact you some time over the xmas period ,,, good luck

[eyeshade]

I agree with Crete here, as long as contact is being made, time maybe will tell. Our son did same thing, we said "change or go" so he went! A year later he called round and said he was sorry and wanted our help (big time) and from that day on he has been the best son you could wish for. I suggest you text and say if he wants to call or visit, then he can and keep the contact open, remember he is 19 and it may just give him the kick/shock he needed to pull himself together. Wish you well.

[vonda]

Crete, thank you, good advice I feel.

[vonda]

Thanks eyeshade, if it takes a year then so be it, it may be that I am feeling guilty as he's not in contact at Xmas. Perhaps I'll suggest we meet in the new year, and see if that gets a response.

[noxlumos]

I think your son is going to be feeling amazingly hurt (whatever his actions were etc, and I do remember your original thread) and I really think it's for you to make a strenuous effort to let him know how much you love him and would like to see him over Christmas. If you let the seperation become the norm then it will only increase. Soonest mended is the best way forward with this imho

[mycats]

I left home/ got kicked out when I was 14 and was very angry for months. But I got over it, and my mum and I are very very close now. He will be hurt and maybe a bit scared but he will come round, just be there when he does.
Give him a phone and ask when he is coming round to pick up his present?

[peopleschamp]

this sounds quite bad but why dont you text him from another phone and say he has won a prize, all he needs to do is send his address, then you can send him his present and you will know where he's living, maybe you will be able to laugh about it later in life? good luck

[vonda]

Peopleschamp, I know his address, I have been rebuffed by him on more than 1 occasion, I don't yet want to risk another rebuff, I feel he should approach me.

[auzzie]

Vonda, keep with it. Don't keep bombarding him with text, but still do text him. If you stop trying and he is still angry with you, it will just add fuel to the fire. He will use it as ammunition.ie you only text me a couple of times, you didn't bother after that, blah, blah, blah. Dont text anything that requires an answer. Things like, hope you are ok, if you want to talk etc,should suffice. Send any presents etc. He will come round eventually, give him time. Been round the block with this one too. Took 3 years and he back home now. Its not easy, but life isn't. Take care and i wish you well.