parental responsibility

[rosies]

Is this an option I should take? I live 150 miles away from childrens dad, not got a problem with him seeing them whenever he wants but it always revovles round him. We have to meet halfway but there is no reciprocation on his part when we ask him. He has threatened that he would keep them if I didnt drive up to get them when he said.

[efc]

Difficult one and I can only respond on a personal level. Both parents have parental responsibility for their children whether they live together or not. I live 230 miles away from my children and as I was the one that moved away I am the one that travels to see my children on a monthly basis. My ex partner does not meet me half way! As I have the children for the weekend then I also have to pay for overnight accommodation in a local travel inn.
If you are concerned about your ex keeping the children then I would suggest seeking a residency order which is normally done through the courts. During this process they will also agree travelling arrangements etc.
Not sure i've been much help but good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[divegirl]

Hi, both parents do not have parental responsibility if the parents were not married.....only the mother. If your ex threatens to 'kidnap' the children again seek legal advice. I am aware that all involved should make an effort so that the kids can see both parents, but he does not have the right to bully you.

Lisa x

[bubblegum-31]

oh dear sounds like he is giving you a tough time, typical exes. i think the good thing about parental responsibility is that if any accident occurred with your child while in his care then he would have the permission to sign things etc should your child need to go to hospital. especially with you living so far apart i think it would be a wise choice but hey everyones different. good luck and i hope everything works out well for you x

[yummymum]

I think you should make it clear between yourselves what is going to happen over the days he has them when you will be dropping them of and when you are picking them up, you need to agree on arrangements that suit you both.If he wont agree to something which makes you both happy then stay put in your home until he can be a bit more grown up about the situation, i think the last thing you should do is let him have the children before coming to some agreement on the arrangements. If I have understood you correctly it seems like he is using the children once he as them in his care to get his own way, this could partly be a power struggle against over you which really there is no need for.

[Ethel]

divegirl - unmarried father's do have parental responsibilty in a number of ways. You cannot simply say he doesn't on the limited facts given.

Any father named on the birth certificate after 1st December 2003 automatically has parental responsibility, for example.

Rosie has not said she was never married to him, either.

Or he could have registered with the court. We just don't know,

[bubblegum-31]

very true Ethel i agree

[Beanmistriss]

Or you could just grit your teeth and go pick your kids up. I reaslise its a long journey and its very unfair he doesnt make the effort but its unfair on your kids to create tension around thier visits to their father. When they get older (im assuming they're quite young) they will remember and appriciate what you did for them.

[divegirl]

I stand corrected, but as my children were born before 2003 I was not aware of this change as my ex partner had to apply for parental responsibility.

[rosies]

Just to say that I was married to their father.
Also the picking the kids up point. Over xmas hols had arranged for them to go to my mum's for a few days who lives in same town as ex, although he wont take them a friend was doing it and collecting them from his house all been arranged. I was going to collect them from my mums that weeekend. Only when he had them at his house did he say that the friend could'nt pick them up and if I didnt collect them myself they werent coming back. And if they wanted to stay at their grandma's i had to collect from his, take them two miles up the road and then drive 150 miles back. Now can anyone see the sense in that???? After reading eveyones comments, I feel that I may have to get residency order and let the courts decide. If he wont be fair then I reckon that is the only option.

[Pippa68]

I think rosies is talking about a different term of parental responsibility ie not the legal term.

I share the travelling with my ex. He lives about 200 miles away so we meet halfway.

Your ex is being very unreasonable. Luckily my ex andI knew it would be impossible to do the journey all in one go. Many of my friends and relatives have said I should make him do all the driving. My way of thinking was that I couldn't allow my ex husband to get tired in the car & crash ~ possibly leaving me without my children or my children wihout a father.

If he won't see sense & reason, I would go to court. If he really has his kids best interests at heart he would share the driving. I am sure your children would want you to be safe?

[JonBonJovi]

As a step parent of a child who when was living with her mother a minimum of hrs drive away.
We (her father and I) never cared how far we had to travel to either pick her up or drop her of, and on many occasions neither did her her mother (even though she has 3 other children to organise).
The reality is when it comes to your children does it really matter how far you have to travel in order too know things are done for them.
I say the same thing to parents who complain about having to pick up their teenage children all hours of the night.Their your children your responsability.
As far as this situation, I can kind of understand why the father didn't want to drive them to his ex's mothers place or pick them up from there (even if they are his own kids). My mother in law makes my life hard enough now let alone how she would make me feel if I had to be anywhere near her if my husband and I were to split.I sure as hell would do what ever it took not to have any contact with her and would make my husband do exactly the same thing as this father is making the mother do.