help cafcass

[sachalucy]

I will be brief a court order was set up by ex for contact as i stopped contac as he moved and would not say where he was taking the kids. All went well we had weekend on our own while the kids were with ex it seemed ideal. but not for long the kids were coming home not wanting to go back, our home was world war 3 for several day after visits, we coped take aways dvd's walks, etc. Then a year ago he stopped seeing them again, and now has gone back to court for penal notice. I NEVER STOPPED THE KIDS GOING. Now our life is a mess worry stress tears wet beds tummy aches you name it. the kids do not want to go they are 11 and 12yrs . Cafcass are understanding but what will happen if the court does not listen to them both? At the moment we feel like pulling the plug on it all and not going back to court or do we wait tell cafcass that this upset cannot go on finish there report asap and wait to see what happens. Ex will not write or phone and did not aknowledge their birthdays or xmas. help

[kittywoo]

write all this down on a peice of paper. and take it to the solicitors.. eg when contact started when it stopped. the childrens problems etc.. i should think 11 and 12 is old enough to have a say.
i would get in touch with caffcas straight away. and try and get a full custody order. the courts for one would make him disclose where he is living. i would make sure you go to court or you can end up in trouble.
finally ask the kids what happened when they went explain they wont be in trouble and you just want to make sure they are okay reasure them that you love them.
i dont want to worry you more but it seems to me that somthing has happened it seems a very severe reaction to be wetting the bed etc.. at that age..
perhaps ask the caffcas officer to speak to the children alone and then they may get a better idea.
the courts gennerally go with what caffcas recomend.

i hope this helps.. try not to worry i know its hard but the children will be able to tell your upset and may not want to worry you!

take care please let me know how it goes xx

[jasaimo]

i too have been through court proceedings with my ex as he was taking my son to places that were not appropriate, and i stopped contact. as a mother you have the right to know where your children are and have contact numbers for your ex. i would wait for cafcas to contact you and tell them what has been going on, and that he willnot provide contact details. the law is very much on the mothers side so get a good solicitor and tell the judge that he does not acknowledge the childrens birthdays ex, and that the children do not want to go. believe me if you stand your ground you will win. but also have you tried to find out why the children don`t want to go as this also could be used in court to stop hi, getting contact. he sounds like he doesn`t deserve the right to see his children. does he pay child support coz if he doesn`t make his day and report him to the csa, taking money off the ex is so much sweeter when they think theyv`e got away with it.
don`t give up it will get better just stand your ground, gather evidence. good luck

[christina81]

i agree with the first comment.The children sound very distressed by their father.I went through the court because of my ex and he now sees the children through a centre.Its called supervised contact where the children and father are supervised at all times by a social worker.Reports are made at each visit and if the children don't want to see him they dont have too.If the children are aged 9 or over they can go to court with you

[Vesper99]

There is no such thing as a penal notice.The issue before the court is whether here should be contact between your ex and the children. The court's duty is to the children: whether it is in their interests to see their father (and not vice versa). The court will use the Welfare Checklist from the Children Act, where the first issue is the wishes of the children: at this age they will have clear views on how they feel about their father. He, no doubt, will try to convince the court that you have turned them against him. If what you say is the whole truth, this will not be provable. You don't need to worry: courts are very sensible and can order unsupervised contact, supervised contact or no contact as they see fit. Certainly they will listen carefully to the Cafcass Reporter. Best wishes.

[sachalucy]

THANK-YOU for all your supportive comments. I am off to see my solicitor after work tomorrow to find out all the implications of all the issues i am concerned about. I have been intouch with cafcass officer and i am keeping her in the picture of the kids behaviour and us and also how i am feeling.

The children have spoken as to why they do not want to go both to us and cafcass, we now understand there upsetting behaviour when they returned after visits. There was no abuse. But lots of inappropriate questioning.

I have always been honest with all as it would be me that would have to live with the lies when the children found out the truth which they would. I respect my children too much to lie to them and for them.

Thanks again xxx

[Ams6784]

i cant see any court giving your ex chance after chance make it clear to the court that he is disturbing there lives that they are all confused as to why he is a dad one minute and not the next, also explain that your children dont want to see him, its up you your the one who has parental responibilite of both of your kids he doesnt have any rights to his children and as far as calling himself dad im sorry but no dad forgets his childs birthdays it costs less than �1 to but and post a card to let them know that they are loved by both parents my partner has 2 kids top someone else and we tried so hard to see them but having 1 of our own was making life hard with the upset and anger between everyone so now we dont see them but we always send them cards and presents for every occasion, even though we get them sent back we still know that we tried. i wish you lots of luck and hope your children realise when they are a bit older that they have a great mam for putting up with all this many mothers would never even try and let the dad see there kids. so go you for trying! RESPECT GIRL!