Who decides who to invite to a funeral?

[gardener2]

With apologies if this sounds like a bizarre question but when a married man dies is there a protocol/assumed authority as to who decides who to invite to the funeral?

[andy-hughes]

As In A Pickle points out the normal protocal is dicated by surviving family members and a degree of tact and sensitivity should be displayed.

Funerals are like weddings - someone will be upset somewhere - you simply have to keep the numbers of upset peoeple to a minimum, and rely on their love and / or respect for the departed and the remaining, to respect their wishes.

[gardener2]

Thanks for your responses Andy and Pickle.
The reason I asked this question was that my elderly step father recently died and a neighbour invited all his family,distant relatives of my stepfather and others without consulting or even telling my Mother and compounding her distress by muscling in on what was to be a private family funeral.

[RATTER15]

Ive never heard of anybody been invited to a funeral and I've been to a few!! I don't think it happens!! Its up to an individual if they want to go.

[andy-hughes]

Sorry to hear that gardener2 - as i said, it always causes grief, but the neighbour is really out of order. Not much you can do now - just pay your respetcs with dignity, and remember your step-father with love.

Ratter15 - I'm not sure an 'invite' is actually the concept - it's more a case of notifying people who may wish to attend, and there is a specific invite on to a gathering, either at a relative's house, or an appropriate venue, if the family wish to do so.

[spudqueen]

When my Mum died we rang round family and friends informing them of her death. We also published her death in the local paper and the paper local to the town where she had lived for many years. After the funeral arrangements were made we then rang round family and friends again (sometimes asking people to ring other people to save us ringing everyone), but we didn't 'invite' anyone, that's not done at a funeral. Many people came to the funeral who had heard about it from someone else or had read about it in the paper. It was some comfort to us that there were quite a few people there, but I certainly wouldn't have considered turning people away when they had so kindly turned up, neither was I upset if people didn't come, either because they didn't want to or were unable to attend.