Partner + Alcohol = Nightmare

[venus]

I have the best partner in the world, honestly!! Might seem like a cliche but I have never met anyone like him, well anyway..we live together and are really happy in every aspect of things, but, we he drinks he starts arguements with me, out of nowhere! Some of the stuff he comes out with is ludicris, i dont even know what half of it means or understand where it comes from! For example, out at my birthday party at the weekend there he lent over and took my face in his hands and kissed me on the cheek (to which i had a big grin) then he stood back and said 'oh right so you wouldnt even kiss me on the ***** lips' What ?

i am at my wits end, i dont know what to do anymore, i have tried the soft approach and talking to him but he just sits there all forlorn looking !! ive told him its completely up to him now to fix this! :(

[LittleMissxx]

mines the same, nowt u can do other than suggest they limit the drink or sod off.

[chazza]

My ex was like that, I couldn't cope with it so I ended up ending the relationship! I'm now with someone much nicer who is a nice drunk :)

But seriously, if that's not an option, he needs to cut down on his alcohol consumption! And if he tries to pick a fight, just say nothing, walk off and let him settle down. It takes two to have an argument and if you don't respond then it won't escalate

[Reverandfunk]

Hi venus, been there and done that with my ex. She was/still is an alkie, lovely when sober nightmare with a drink inside.

I know you may not want to hear but he isnt the best partner in the world because he has a drink problem and he aint going to get better it's a disease. Go onto the AA website and just complete the questionairre and see how many points he comes out with.

[jake-the-peg]

Been there from the other side.

Well nobody seems to think I was an unpleasant drunk but I did have an alcohol problem.

I cut back a couple of times but only totally giving it up worked for me (and most people I know who have too). It's about 7 years now.

The good news is I'm so much better, fitter (and richer :c) ) for it and don't have the beer belly that most men of my age seem to.

The bad news is I think it's something you have to arrive at yourself. If I'd been told I had a drink problem then I'd probably not have accepted it and wouldn't have taken it too well - I'd guess your partner probably won't either.

For what it's worth I realised I had a problem when I realised that I couldn't remember a day without alcohol in about 3 years.

Best of luck though

[bodeker]

Hi venus, you don't have to live like this everyone is entilted to have a decent life. Please get in touch with Al-Anon, the members have all been where you are now and can offer support and help you to find a better life.

[happy_face]

my other half is like that too, I call him Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. We've been together for 12 years and like you, when he's sober he's the loveliest, most caring and funny boyfriend. When he's drunk, his attitude changes completely. His brain seems to only work in negative mode and he thinks everyone is against him. If he says something and I'm not smiling back he takes it the wrong way and then ends up furious. That also concerned me when he was out because it wouldn't take much for him to misinterpret someone else and then end up in a fight. Luckily that never happened but I did alwasy worry. He gets verbally vicisious and is quite happy to smash up things. - The amount of mobile phones we've had to replace.
For years I said to him that I couldn't live like that and suggested he'd go to an anger management programme. But it wasn't until I got to the end of my tether and said to him that it would be the end of us if he didn't sort himself out, that he actually got the message.

Now a days he has realised he's got a problem and is happy to say so himself. He rarely goes out drinking but when he does, he now knows he can only have 1 drink.

I know where you're coming from and think you're probably feeling torn in two as you absolutely love the man you're with in his sober state but can't find anything lovable about the drunk one

[venus]

I came on this because i just wanted to hear if anyone else is having this problem and hear their reactions, i thought it would be a good idea....i didnt want to hear 'tell him to sod off'' or ''it takes two to have an arguement'' and all that crap. I have been through too much to sit there and let any person make me feel uncomfortable/threatened/belittling in my own home!!! but that is not to say i have argued back - im a little old for that crap!

Happy_face thank you so much for replying, you seem to know exactly what i mean and have also been there, so thank you.. it did mean alot :)

Bodeker - i do have a 'decent life' thanks, and you may have judged a little too soon, but thank you for replying too :)

And finally - kujawski - i mean really - how mature a response is that ? why people bother to ask for advice when they are met with such small-mindedness....i wish you all the best in your life, i hope someday you can be happy with it..

Again thank you to you all who provided some thought for me, :) :) :)

[activeedge]

Bless you.. I spent so many years iin your situation. A million people could say...LEAVE HIM! Hes not worth it! But its not that simple is it? You know its not making you happy, because you cry alone in bed so many times, and feel weepy when you dont know why, but you wont go until youre not afraid any more, and youll know when that is. Youre so much stronger than you think you are! Sometimes, what we think is love, is just a habit thats so very hard to break. Here if you need to talk. x