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Why are men not programmed to want children like women?
20 Answers
It appears that more and more men are claiming their right to have children later on in life or not at all.
This conflicts with womens hormones and can (in my experience) make life extremely hard and stressful. When your body is crying out to bring a child into the world and there is nothing you can do about it!
Anyone wish to share their experiences? Anyone got anything that will make this easier for us women?
This conflicts with womens hormones and can (in my experience) make life extremely hard and stressful. When your body is crying out to bring a child into the world and there is nothing you can do about it!
Anyone wish to share their experiences? Anyone got anything that will make this easier for us women?
Answers
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I think having a child, or not, is the right of any individual - subject to nature's gifts being awarded or witheld.
The wording of your initial statement is interesting. It infers that you think that men have a 'right' to have a child, but they are being difficult by witholding it unti later life, or choosing not to 'bestow' the gift to a woman at all.
Your second statement indicates that you are with a partner who does not share your wish for a child.
Whereas i feel total sympathy for your position, I don't think you can blame your partner for 'witholding', and thus denying your 'right' to a child.
I believe that children are not a right, they are a gift, and it is not for everyone to be blessed with that gift, for a variety of reasons.
If it is so important to you that you have a child, then you must discuss this in great depth with your partner, and if you feel that your relationship hinges on this aspect, then you must consider finding another partner who sees the concept of chilren and childbirth in the same way that you do.
I wish you happiness and fulfillment. and that you are able to have a child you obviously want, but I think that blaming a partner for 'witholding' a child from you will only bring you bitterness and regret.
The choice to bear a child, or not, is ultimately the choice for a woman to make, but to partner a woman in conception is ultimately the choice for a man to make.
I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I hope you will give my post some thought, and some talkng with your partner.
I wish you well, which ever way your future takes you both.
The wording of your initial statement is interesting. It infers that you think that men have a 'right' to have a child, but they are being difficult by witholding it unti later life, or choosing not to 'bestow' the gift to a woman at all.
Your second statement indicates that you are with a partner who does not share your wish for a child.
Whereas i feel total sympathy for your position, I don't think you can blame your partner for 'witholding', and thus denying your 'right' to a child.
I believe that children are not a right, they are a gift, and it is not for everyone to be blessed with that gift, for a variety of reasons.
If it is so important to you that you have a child, then you must discuss this in great depth with your partner, and if you feel that your relationship hinges on this aspect, then you must consider finding another partner who sees the concept of chilren and childbirth in the same way that you do.
I wish you happiness and fulfillment. and that you are able to have a child you obviously want, but I think that blaming a partner for 'witholding' a child from you will only bring you bitterness and regret.
The choice to bear a child, or not, is ultimately the choice for a woman to make, but to partner a woman in conception is ultimately the choice for a man to make.
I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I hope you will give my post some thought, and some talkng with your partner.
I wish you well, which ever way your future takes you both.
right well he said youd be trying next year so 6 months break from the pill whilst he uses condoms is fair Id say.
Dont ask him, tell him you want to stop pumping yourself full of hormones ready for when you do both decide to try.
Some men do want kids, my friends just had her 4th and her hubby is already wanting to try for a 5th, he loves them dearly. My dad always knew he wanted a lot of children.
My fella had been through the heartache of not being able to have kids but he wanted them. haha, he didnt expect to have an accident with me so soon.
Others are 'scared' although thats not really the right word, they have a lot of concerns about it and really who can blame them, its a huge step in anyones life and yet us women have the hormonal backup really to help us through.
Dont ask him, tell him you want to stop pumping yourself full of hormones ready for when you do both decide to try.
Some men do want kids, my friends just had her 4th and her hubby is already wanting to try for a 5th, he loves them dearly. My dad always knew he wanted a lot of children.
My fella had been through the heartache of not being able to have kids but he wanted them. haha, he didnt expect to have an accident with me so soon.
Others are 'scared' although thats not really the right word, they have a lot of concerns about it and really who can blame them, its a huge step in anyones life and yet us women have the hormonal backup really to help us through.
Beanmistress have you been following all of wisewomans posts??
Her partner had already agreed to start trying early next year. And why the hell should she be the only one responsible for contraception?
I have NEVER suggested that she deliberately stop taking the pill behind his back to get pregnant without his knowledge and i never would.
Her partner had already agreed to start trying early next year. And why the hell should she be the only one responsible for contraception?
I have NEVER suggested that she deliberately stop taking the pill behind his back to get pregnant without his knowledge and i never would.
ewww
handbags at dawn
wait till i pull up a chair lol.
why should a womanbe responsible for contraception???
mmm
few reasons pop to mind .
burst condom?
drunken passion , forgotten condom ??
honest ill pull it out ijn time , oops sorry ?
oh and the main reason , if she doesnt wanna get pregnant its the best way to ensure it.
anyway ladies
fighttttttttttttttttt
handbags at dawn
wait till i pull up a chair lol.
why should a womanbe responsible for contraception???
mmm
few reasons pop to mind .
burst condom?
drunken passion , forgotten condom ??
honest ill pull it out ijn time , oops sorry ?
oh and the main reason , if she doesnt wanna get pregnant its the best way to ensure it.
anyway ladies
fighttttttttttttttttt
traditionally, it was men who did want kids, and tried to have them with any available female, while women were much more doubtful as so many died in childbirth. So it's not really anything to do with 'programming'. It may be more to do with modern society, where people behave like kids till they're in their 40s and everyone wants to be Peter Pan and never grow up. I can't say exactly what your man's reasons are, and it may be that (like many women these days) he just doesn't want children. But you need to find out what his objection is. As Andy says, if he's simply anti-kids, and you're undergoing a lot of stress about it, maybe you need to be with someone who shares your ambitions more closely. Tough call, but only you can decide whether you want him or a child more.
lol I-M, the way my little angel is being today I beginning to think 1 is enough lol
Legend, theres no reason why the responsibility cant be shared is there?
Most contraceptives for women are invasive, pills have to be remembered, dont protect against STDs (i doubt thats relevent in this case), and take a long time to clear the system, also increase health risks.
A condom is a barrier method, will rarely split if put on correctly and has no effect on the mans body.
and as much as I reckon youd like it there wont be a fight Im sure. :)
Legend, theres no reason why the responsibility cant be shared is there?
Most contraceptives for women are invasive, pills have to be remembered, dont protect against STDs (i doubt thats relevent in this case), and take a long time to clear the system, also increase health risks.
A condom is a barrier method, will rarely split if put on correctly and has no effect on the mans body.
and as much as I reckon youd like it there wont be a fight Im sure. :)
Redcrx I didnt say you had suggested that she should stop taking the pill and not tell him. My point was that, im my opinion, making things a bit akward is hardly likley to make him feel happier about comitting to something as huge as having a child. If he has previously said 6 months then changed his mind then hes obviously a bit unsure about the whole thing, a bit crap for wisewoman agreed. And obviously its not just a womans job to be responsible for contraception but I'm assuming thats how they agreed to prevent pregnancy as a couple and, again in my opinion, for her to go "well im not taking it now, use a condom" will make it seem to him like she is trying to pressurise him. Unlikely to achive the desired outcome.
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