marriage? is it over

[bobsterc]

I have been married for 18 months and together for 3 half years. After a lot of thought i have told my wife that our marriage is over. something of a shock to my wife as she thought things were ok. We do row occasionally but i have come to the desision due to our lack of compatability. I love her very much but i am not in love with her. She takes me for granted leaving me to be the main bread winner but also the cook cleaner washer ironer and all the other jobs in the house. She wil not take risks and stops me from doing things like buying a motorbike and other things i always did before we were married. She is very loving but we go 6,7,8 weeks without sex dispite me trying everything, weekends away, romantic nights in and out. I feel that if we stay together i will resent her for it and probably become nasty with her and at present we have no kids. But she is begging me to try again, she says she will change but i love her for who she is and don't want her to have to change for me. She will never be a risk taker and i can't believe things will permanently change so should i continue and move on or try again?

[Whoever]

Well, you don't have much staying power, do you? You are married now. You're no longer a free unattached person who can go out and buy motorbikes just for the fun of it.. I don't know what kind of risks you want to take, but there's another person in your life now so you have responsibilities to do things as part of a married couple, not a single young lad who can please himself. . Before you married did either of you really sit down and talk seriously about what you expected of this relationship long term and what you were prepared to put into it.? Before you throw in the towel on your marriage you both need to sit down and have some serious discussions about what your respective values and long term aspirations are and whether a reasonable compromise is possible. Happy marriages don't just happen. People have to work hard at them and if you feel you are being taken advantage of in terms of the domestic workload you are having to cope with on top of your job, you have to be honest about it and work out how things can change. But do keep talking. Admitting failure after only 18 months sounds as if you didn't really get to know each other very well in the first place.

[spaced]

Though I agree with SOME of the points above I would really try and sit down and have a proper discussion about how you feel.

I can see how some of the things may get you down, certainly being the breadwinner AND doing all the chores, would certainly peeve alot of people. Again, as you are the person working and brining in the wage you should be allowed to do what you want with it. Does she work? Does she do anything during the day?

For the sake of your marriage I would really try and talk to her and REALLY tell her how you feel. For to say she wants to change, proves that she does love you.

Give it a chance and see how it works out.

[daisycutter]

I think you are sensible enough to realise that doing everything doesn't include having kids to try and rectify the situation. The road to disaster ...

Do you think your wife is depressed? She doesn't seem to have an awful lot of get up and go if she can't contribute to the household by helping out or getting a part time job. Sex is usually the first thing to suffer if you don't feel that great about yourself ...

A good old heart to heart about what you both really want before you call it a day ...

[angeldraws]

Welcome to the real world mate - you have to work at a relationship, married or not - if you want to maintain it AND you should learn to communicate with each other... Nothing ever stays the same and if you married her thinking it would all be rosy forever - you were sadly deluded.
maybe you should lower your expectations or accept that you are in a more 'comfortable' stage of your marraige, this is what happens after the 'honeymoon' stage.

[beatlegal2]

try make it amical but end it now.speak from experince.ya both go make a life for yaselves.good luck

[scorpious123]

hi i have been with my partner for 19 years and we both went through a bad patch and i mean very bad.
you say you love her but not in love with her, i thought i wasnt deep in love with my parner but when i moved out it gave us both chance to clear our minds and rethink the situation and made us both realise that we realy do love each other,when sex is only one way it makes that person start getting resentful and angry and resentfull it can bring out hurtfull remarks against that opposite person.most people do change i did, us men would love to have sex morning and night but in a relationship that is only a part of it, you do have a choice like you say you have no children you can walk or really sit down and talk things through, even if you have to move out for a while then its make or break my friend give the young lady a chance you never no she might come round in time