14 year old boy and t'internet

[crisgal]

i found a site my son had been looking at and nearly died of shock!
It was not something i feel he should be watching at this age.
I've asked his dad to have a word but he just told him to be careful what sites he used, because of virus's etc.
I feel he needs to know that sex is not like the film he saw. But I'm sure he doesn't want me to talk about it to him.
I know he's just like any other 14 year old, but, this video was extremely explicit, and I'm worried that it may lead to him disrespecting women.
I hope someone knows what I mean - obviously I can't go into any detail on here!
I'm amazed it was available to him - i thought he wouldn't get access to those kinds of things without having to pay with a card.
I don't want him to think that he's done anything wrong, but really think it should be addressed.
It's a bit different to the magazines I found in my mum's wardrobe when I was 14!
What should I do?

[aka pixi]

I know exactly how you feel crisgal. I found a couple of porn dvds in my lads bedroom when he was 13/14 I nearly died and felt sick. Like you my biggest worry was that he would think of all women in this way rather than in a loving way. I didnt watch the films but it was obvious from the covers that they were really explicit.

I told my husband who said it was normal for lads to be curious but being female I had never gone through that phase. I then asked 4 or 5 lads at work about it (all under 20) they all laughed their head off and told me not to worry. They had all watched porn (some of it sounded worse than what I found) they are all great lads with lovely girlfriends so I suppose they are right.

In the end I let him to keep it on the condition that it was kept well out of my sight otherwise I would throw it in the bin. I couldnt see any point taking it off him as he said he had watched them a few times anyway. I didnt shout or make an issue out of it, just let him know I wasnt happy about it.

He must have grown out of it cos a few weeks ago I made him gut his bedroom and among the stuff he put on a pile to chuck out were the porn dvds lol (hes nearly 16 now)

If you dont want him going on the site again you can go into internet explorer properties then into content and set up parental control, though if hes as computer savvy as most kids I know then he will know how to change the parental controls :(

I guess at the end of the day we just dont want to believe our little angels are growing up fast eh?

[mech29]

Hi, crisgal, I understand what you are saying, you son is only trying to learn about it and not be enbrassed when is mate talk about it, he will know a bit about sex if he's mate ask him,

You can put the parent control on so he can't see this site's

Go to your control panel, then select parent control folder and set the control to filter out the adult site's,
this will set you mind at easy,

[figure]

Who better to have 'this' talk with your son than the parents. Don't wait until it's to late to talk to him or after something like this happen http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles /news/news.html?in_article_id=511478&in_page_i d=1770

[aka pixi]

oh I missed something out. I meant to say (just before my parental control comment) that if it had been online I would have been a lot more shocked and worried. You just dont know what could be one click away if you know what I mean :(

[weeal]

I agree with you both on this and obviously guys are always going to find porn, its the way they're made and women will never really like it.
However, the difference nowadays with the web (as opposed to magazines etc) is that I think there are other 'links' on these sites which show much worse material and also where guys can virtually chat to these females, thats scary.
Re the parental control, it blocks out totally innocent stuff too sometimes and can be a pain in the butt.

[evedawn]

figure - whilst that's a VERY disturbing story it conveys the worst end of hte scale....

I think if crisgals boy has had a reasonable upringing then really his will just be a "phase"....

I'm a woman by the way and yes, the idea of the way some lads and men see woman and sexuality is disturbing

BUT

most teenagers who watch a little bit of porn are experimenting and grow up to be nice, normal men...

MOST IMPORTANT ... I hink how his dad treats his mum is vitaly important ....as kids learn how to treat woman more from the example of those they love than from lusty films.

[Lil O'lady]

Evedawn is right - well said.
BUT the prevalence of really nasty stuff online, and the way that teen subculture circulates info about accessing these as 'the currency of cool' is the diff between the tottie mags of yore and the present.
It puts even more onus on families to talk with their kids from an early age about right and wrong - and to keep internet access as an open family activity, not a secret bedroom activity.

[TEAK36]

As a guy, I can confirm that your lad sounds like a perfectly normal teenager.

I remember very well the porn videos and mags I had stashed away when I was about 15 (i'm 40 now).,me and my mates even had a swap club going.Believe me, now that those teenage hormones have kicked in, your lad is going to need some sort of outlet (sorry to be so blunt).

I think veiwing porn on the internet is fine, but as long as the participants are of a legal age and are taking part voluntarily.

You boy will grow out of in a couple of years.

By the way, I have a wonderful missus and 2 adorable children, and I dont think I have ever disrespected a woman in my life.

[crisgal]

thanks everyone - i did panic a bit when i read figure's response!
the other replies have put my mind at ease though.
If his dad's behaviour is his main influence, then I have no worries at all.
He's not allowed a pc in his room yet, and I'll continue that rule for a while yet i think.
Thanks again x

[lou 26]

Ive got this on my pc, its quite good and its free!

http://www.parentalcontrolbar.org/

although my daughter isnt really old enough yet but just yesterday I was googling for something and clicked on something that looked all innocent and good grief i cant even begin to describe the page it gave me! that in itself is a worry!