Sibling Relationships

[indieanna86]

Hi All,

I have 2 brothers, one of which hasn't spoken to our family for years (his wife wanted him all to herself and turned him against us) and the other lives about 10 minutes away.
I've never really had a close relationship with either of them and now that I'm in my 20's I never really see or talk to my bro at all. Its not that I disliked them, far from it, but I've never really had that 'family is everything' mentality. And when we do see eachother, we don't have much to say, its pretty much, 'Hey how are you? Oh good....well....see ya'.
My mum can't understand why I'm like this and it upsets her that I don't go round to see him and his family every week, she's even gone so far as to say she must have been a terrible mother for me to turn out like it!
I love my family very much, but I just don't have that desire to spend time with them...

Does this make me a bad person?? Does anyone else have this kind of relationship with their brother/sister?

Anna x

[paddywak]

Of course it dosn't make you a bad person Anna, lots of people have similar relationships with their families and some of a lot worse, I know two brothers who litterally cannot be in the same room without coming to blows. Just try to explain to your mum how you feel, that even though you love your familly you dont feel the need to be with them all the time and who knows In a few years time, perhaps when you have a family of your own you may find that you come enjoy that "Familly" thing.

[coccinelle]

I think that when we get into late teens we do tend to leave family on the side and try to get our own slot in life; higher education or getting a job, finding a partner and in general discovering who we are; once this happens we then tend to look back to the family and are ready to keep more contact.
You don't say your brother comes to see you though it should work both ways.
Some families have get togethers at the parents' house for a meal etc which is a great way to keep in contact.
I don't think you're a bad person just somebody who doesn't 'need' your brothers at the moment but know they're doing fine.

[onlyme26]

no this doesnt make you a bad person, people just grow up and move on, i live with my partner, little girl and have baby on the way, and i must admit when it comes to visting them im really lazy! we never were really that close growing up, i never remember hugs and kisses off my parents, and defo not off my sisters, which has had the opposite affect on me with my own as i hug and kiss her god knows how many times a day and we are very very close,

i wouldnt worry, i go months sometimes without seeing my sisters, its nice when i do see them but i dont miss them when i dont, i miss my little girl every day when she is in school!!! funny how things turn out

nothing wrong with you what so ever, i would say the majority of people dont see their familys half as much as they get older

:o)

[pusskin]

its very sad when families drift apart. Were all grown up now, and since mum and dad have passed away, its got worse. But at least, we still all love each other deep down. Sisters have been fine, but 4 brothers seem to have chips on their shoulders !
We miss the get togethers that we once had at the family home , till it all ended in 1996,

[pusskin]

hi Anna,, you come across as a very caring person, so dont worry about that. its perfectly normal to feel as you do.
When you do come to get together with your brothers, as long as you can TALK, thats the main thing.
You sound perfectly normal to me! good luck

[yummymum]

sounds a bit like me, i dont bother with any of my family much, its not that i dont like or love them its just that Ive never really been into spending much time with them lol. I think we are alll different in that way