when to put a loved one in a care home

[catcuddler]

my dad is suffering with progressive supranuclear palsy.hes getting progressively worse and i find myself struggling 2 care 4 him
my question is when is the right time to put a loved one into a care home?i dont want to lose him but i fear for his safety.also as i live with him i would lose my home but i want to do whats best for him
any advice of experiences would help me a lot as i am agonising over it
TIA

[Rosetta]

Oh catcuddler, that is a terrible decision you are facing. There is no easy answer, but you say you are worried about his safety. Is there any way the risks could be reduced or managed.

Have you had a social work and an Occupational Therapy assessment, if not you should ask for one. Contact your Social Services Dept for that assessment, and a Carers Assessment. They are obliged to do this and they will talk to you and your dad about this. If its ok with your dad they will also talk to his GP and any other health professionals who know your dad. They may be able to offer support services at home

Is there an organisation for people with your dads illness, they can be very helpful.

If you want to know what your rights are I would suggest you contact CAB

[catcuddler]

thanks for your reply.i have arranged for his 2 b assessed urgently by social services.there is a support group but thats 30 miles away.i do want him here with me but i dont if its the best thing 4 him.hes only 57 which makes it worse.i know care at home is possible but he will need a home eventually as his condition progresses.i'm wondering shall i do it now rather than waiting til its a desperate situation?

[Rosetta]

There is also this organisation

http://www.pspeur.org/

I don't know about the support group you mentioned, but sometimes it helps to talk to people that know about the illness but also been in your position. Its very important that you also get support.

I understand what you mean about the right time. Even if it isn't now it wouldn't harm to look around at local homes to see what is out there for him. Again you can talk to his social worker about it.

I presume he is under a Consultant. Have you talked to them about his treatment and prognosis? Is his medication needing to be reviewed?

Do you get any respite care at the moment. If you don't you should?

[pinktwink]

this is a really difficult decision. For me I believe elderly people are best cared for by family where posssible. However nursing home care has a huge role in the elderly who have specific medical needs like your dad. There is never a good time I guess its about the level of care your dad needs and what you can provide as well as having a life. If it gets too much you need to speak with social services or your dads medical team.

Regarding the house can you not stay on if your dad goes in to care as the family home??

[catcuddler]

medication is futile with his condition sadly as parts of his brain are dying.i am in touch with social services.the problem with the house is its still mortgaged and also the state normally enforce the sale to pay for residential care.i want to care for him at home as it will break my heart to let him go but hes starting 2 need 24 hour care.i already help him wash and dress makes his meals give him medication which hes on for now.hes started to 4get things and need care at night as well.also hes having problems holding his bladder.we noticed this morning he had been downstairs during the night but didnt remember having done it
i just want whats best for him but am unsure

[Rosetta]

Catcuddler, is ther anyone else at home to help you?

Help at home is apossibility but it will depend on your dad's needs and the risks he experiences. Carers can come into the home to help him (and you), there are allsorts of types of help available but it does depend on the assessment to establish what he needs and how you can all be helped. The social worker will discuss this with you.

What medical support does he get, is it just his GP?

Social Worker should provide tou with booklets etc about the assessment. You can also ask about their charging policy so you know all the options. Don't forget you can have a Carers Assessment and you can get independent advice from places like CAB

[catcuddler]

thanks rosetta.we r currently waiting for an assessment from social services.currently its just me although my partner helps.i am his only family so its all down to me.he needs help with almost anything and will get worse quickly
i'm not making any decisions yet til i have looked at my options
would i be heartless to say i cant cope and put him in a home?

[Rosetta]

Not heartless at all, after all you have your own life.
It may be with support you might find it much easier to cope at home but please be honest about how you feel too. In the area I live carers could give a written statement of how caring effects them. If you can ,do so. If you find that difficult tell them verbally. Best still do both.

Don't lose heart. As long as you have your dad's best interests at heart, you can do no more.

Don't forget CAB.

Please let us know how things are progressing

Best wishes Rosy xxx

[Velvetee]

Don't feel you are being heartless. It isn't easy to care for the elderly, especially when they are in poor health.

My 83 year old mother lives alone in Warden assisted accommodation, but has carers three times per day. She is becoming frailer and whilst I would love to be able to care for her myself, I know I wouldn't be able to cope, especially now that I have a baby on the way.

With the help of her care manager, we have found a lovely complex which offers extra care. The residents each have their own self contained flat, but there is 24 hour care on hand, which is tailor made for individual needs.

If you feel it is too soon for your father to go into a care home, Social Services will be able to help you decide on the best care for him. You may be able to arrange a care package for him, where carers will come in and help with things like washing, dressing and making meals. This means you will be able to have a break.

I hope everything works out for you.

[Rosetta]

I'm glad you have sorted your mum out velvetee, it must be a relief

[Velvetee]

Thanks Rosetta, however, she says she doesn't want to move, but I know in a few days she will be complaining, saying she want's to move. She's become very childlike and I now feel I have to take the reins and make important decisions for her.

[Naomicorlett]

My lovely mum had Alzheimers and as a trained mental nurse knew it before being diagnosed by doctor. She lived alone with lots of support and went into respite when available. She was in respite care when a permanent place became available and never even wanted to go back to her house to collect anything. She was loved and cared for and said it was like an hotel. We were so blessed. ( She had been matron of the residential home many years before and sometimes forgot that she had retired!!) I dreamed of her the other night and she told me that she hadn't died and that people just loved to exagerate!! The time for your dad to have extra care will become clear to you . Good luck, there are lots of us out here thinking of you.

[zzxxee]

its such a difficulot situation to come to terms with but there are some great homes out there , if you do decide this is right for your dad always ask the council for copies of homes reports to decide on the best one good luck

[catcuddler]

i forgot to say my dad is 57 which makes it harder as he isnt old.social services are visiting 2moro but the woman on the phone said she would b reluctant to put him in a care home because of his age but i feel his best for him for his safety as hes getting worse every week and will continue to
what do i say to her?

[Beanmistriss]

Theres no harm is starting to plan things and look around. It would be a terrible situation for something to happen, your father be rushed in and you not have any say over where he goes. There are some crud nursing/care homes but also some wonderful ones but you need to look around. Its fine for his care manager to say he shouldnt go into a home because of his age but shes not the one caring for him. You are with him all the time and you are the one who knows him best and what the best thing is for him in terms of being cared for and being safe. Good luck x

[Naomicorlett]

I would like to add that after my mum moved into the home we had many wonderful hours together as I was no longer so tired and stressed doing the care. I cherry picked our best times including bathing her and crosswords ( that part of her brain stayed sharp!) and just wandering round the gardens . Her being cared for allowed us to be together in a very special way.