please help

[plzhelp52894]

i just found out that i am preg with my 6th child. it is totally shocking and unbeliveable. my sister who is single wants to adopt it. im not sure what to do. i am not ready to have another one but i dont know if i could give it up either.

[redcrx]

sit down with your partner and talk about things.

[ParkChoi]

are you anti-birth-control?

[Lil O'lady]

If you go ahead with the pregnancy, it might help you to ask for a sterilisation asap afterwards. Having a large family is great if you want it, but no woman in this country today should ever feel they have to have more children than they want / can cope with.

[recruitment]

how can you afford 5 never mind a 6th, i would love to have that many kids but the only way we could do it is to let the state look after use.... how will you afford to send them all to uni of what ever thay want to do.... if you can offer 6 kids the very best then go for it but if its tax payers providing then think really hard, im anti abortion but your kids deserve the best

[rutineli]

Could you possibly watch your sister bringing your youngest child up with all of the benefits that an only child can be given while it's siblings are obliged to share the best you can give them .
It seems a shame that none of the chldren appear to have grown up parents.

[Lil O'lady]

Rutineli's post is judgemental, and it is not helpful to stand in judgement in a situation of this type. The question author says she has an unwanted pregnancy - we don't know whether this results from religious belief or rape. Either way, making her the recipient of your opinions won't help her (maybe makes you feel superior for a little while?). The author is testing responses to a solution she is considering. Note that she has not opted immediately for an abortion. This possibly points to an ethical stance for which she deserves praise not censure. The consequences of the dilemma she is in will be very real to her no matter what final decision she makes. So cut her some slack, be positive for her or just leave her alone.

[gossipgirl]

i think what you need to think of is could you stand back and watch someone bring up your child, not have a say in its life, not kiss it goodnight or comfort him/her when they cry and to listen to them call someone else mum? personally i dont think i could. I dont know where you stand with contraception or abortions or anything so im not going to pass judgement. I wish you well and hope you have the answers you were looking for

[bednobs]

sorry lil o'lady, but your post is also judgemental - you are saying making a judgement that is it morally superior not to immediately opt for an abortion by saying she should be praised for this decision. How do ya reckon that might sound to someone who HAS opted for an abortion? you have also made this person the recipient of YOUR opinions, but hey thats ok, because they are your opinions rather than ones you disagree with. the poster is asking for opinions in oder to help her make up her mind, so what is wrong with people (including you) giving them?

[Lil O'lady]

bednobs, sorry your reading skills aren't up to speed, but let's not clutter this lady's inbox any further. If you read my post you will see I am suggesting this person should be supported if indeed she has come to a decision through an ethical stance. Now I suggest you firstly think before you go off on one, and please recall that this thread was started by someone in a dilemma. It is not about your ego, and I have not imposed an opinion on her, or anyone. May I politely also suggest that you go and boil your head.

[sara3]

I feel sure that a 6th pregnancy is neither shocking nor unbelievable!

and spotted, btw.

[Whoever]

I think you need to sit down quickly with your husband and talk through your options. Do you want to go through with the pregnancy or do you have any religious reasons for not having a termination? Then go and talk to your GP. It's a little late now, but you also sound as if you and your husband need some good reliable contraceptive advice - he has a responsibility too in this. I don't think that getting your sister to adopt your child would work. You would never be able to let go of it emotionally and she would always feel that you were looking over her shoulder moralising on how the child was being brought up. What a legacy for an innocent child. What would he'she think of you both when it grows up and sees that it has been given up because it wasn't wanted.