Email and telephone access

[ainitatyb]

Is it acceptable for a partner to demand access to your email accounts and have freedom of access to your phone? What is the general consensus?

[chelle7272]

My partner has freedom of access as you put it ,as I have nothing to hide, however he doesn't look without reason as he trusts me. I wouldn't accept a demand from someone that they have a right to it though.

[redcrx]

what do you mean by demand access? are they needing to use the phone? or are they wanting to check up on your emails and calls / texts.

Mr CRX is allowed to see my emails and texts, i have nothing to hide, but if he started "demanding" as in accusing me of something, then he'd be told where to get off.

[ummmm]

Did you check your answers on the privacy thread?

No it is not acceptable. Email and texts to me are the same as mail and are private. You choose if and what you show them.

My partner wouldn't dream of going into my phone or email unless I gave him permission to...and vice versa. He does know all my passwords though. That's only because I might tell him there's a funny video on FB and to have a look...

[ainitatyb]

Ummm - Yes I did thanks but I thought by rephrasing the question I may receive a wider range of answers as the privacy thread only supports one side of the viewpoint.

Redcrx - I refer to demand, there is no actual need to 'use' the phone as we both carry two phones for business purposes

Chelle - Thanks for the contribution, its not a question of having something to hide, its a question of what is acceptable privacy and what isn't even in a relationship? I am interested to know what is the modern standard of acceptability

[ummmm]

It is acceptable for you to keep private what you want to keep private.

Although Ginger knows my passwords etc he does not and will not know how much money I have in the bank. For me that is private. But I know his pin number so could check his if I wanted as it's not something he considers private from me.

Everyone is different.

Are you saying that he's not actually demanding to see your phone/emails but just requesting?

[ainitatyb]

Ummm - are you saying that the your partner is not allowed to know your bank balance because that is private but can have access to all of you business and personal associates and therefore contact them if they see fit without your knowledge and this is acceptable?

[ummmm]

No I'm not saying that. I chose to keep my bank balance private and he would never ask. I choose to let him 'be able' to access my contacts but I know he wouldn't as he has no interest. I leave my phone so he can check it if he wants but I know he wouldn't. It's a trust issue.

The money thing is my issue...I don't know why but I've always been secretive about it. He's not so he doesn't care if I know what's in his bank.

Everyone is different.

I have no contact with people that I wouldn't let him see. We have the same friends though..

[cazzz1975]

you have to query why he feels the need to snoop at your emails and phone history, most of us in trusting relationships will not have anything to hide so access is rarely demanded as its a given that both parties have nothing to hide, but as respect and trust exist we never find ourselves going through our partners belongings and mail.

I would be concerned about his behaviour personally.

[Whoever]

I wouldn't dream of checking my husband's mobile phone or his e-mail, and I'm sure he wouldn't dream of checking mine either, or even or opening mail that is addressed to me. Neither of us has anything to hide but it's simply good manners. If your partner is demanding access to your phone or e-mail it suggest that either he/she is mistrustful of your actions or activity or is jealous / insecure/ overly possessive or controlling. Only you will know which of these might be most applicable.