when mother dies the family goes their seperate ways, why ?

[dmax]

such a pity, its happening to mine.

[123everton]

The Arabs have a saying "the mother gathers."

[dothawkes31]

It happened to mine. My eldest sister, Bro In Law and 2 nieces used to go to my mums for tea every sunday, my brother used to go every other sunday with his wife and 3 kids, my ex husband could not stand the noise and we would go once a month with our 3. When the kids started to grow up and did not want to go it became less often for my family but my sister still went every sunday, she did that for 23 years! When Mum died in 2000, we would visit Dad at home whenever with no routine, it was the routine that went, and noone was able to establish it again. Once Dad died in 2005, that was it, noone had a focus and we just communicated by phone and email. We all have large families of our own and now I am the focus of my kids coming visiting with my Grandson and it's the same or my sister and brother, with their grandchildren. You can keep in touch, but you'd need a large house to all meet up like you once did, re-create what your Mother gave you with your own family, that's how it works and the generations continue with those values.

[China Doll]

My mum's useless at keeping in touch with her family, I got a call on Saturday morning for a 'catch up' and apparently so did baby sister and I'm assuming that time difference allowing middle sister probably got one too but it'll be the first time in months... I used to make more of an effort to stay in touch with her but finding it not recipricated, I couldn't really be bothered any more although I do enjoy seeing her when I do.

My father is the one that ties us all together, makes sure we all stay in touch and if one of us comes over to visit, ensures that whichever us sister is around (usually me) must also come for a proper family meal... And probably we'll have to phone middle sister in Oz as well just to make sure he knows we're all staying in touch.

[jno]

because they have their own separate families. Just as while she was alive, she probably stayed more in touch with you than with her own parents and siblings. This is normal: children grow up and start their own lives. Wise parents prepare for it. I used to ring my mum every two or three weeks but never expected her to do the same (and she didn't).

[carmalee]

the tradition of a ' family focal point' alive. It's difficult as both my children (married with children) live abroad - but, I'm planning to return to Africa this year and am fortunate to have an incredibly close knit family.

[carmalee]

sorry 'bout the previous post - gremlins in computer!

Totally agree with the statement which is why I'm very conscious that I have a certain role to play now my Mom's not here any more. I'm sort of 'den mother' now. It's a bit more difficult because my married children stayed in Africa when I came back here but we are so lucky to be a very close knit family. I intend to go back this year to help bring up the grand-children (of course they can't do it without my help !). Had an email from my neice last week asking if she could 'come see Auntie' for the weekend and is due here on Friday and my rugby playing nephew regularly invites me to his London flat for a 'cultural week-end'. My children 'skype me' sometimes three/four times a week from overseas and my sister in law and her partner (my brother died a few years ago - special man) are coming to stay in a couple of weeks time. I'm not posting this to gloat, just to say that where it may appear that when Mom dies the family fragments, in our case the lynchpin appears to be me now and I'm trying to fill the really big shoes my Mom left behind. Probably she did the same thing too but unfortunately lives are very different now so I suppose it's more difficult. with everysone so busy and self absorbed.

[horselady]

We all noticed this when my Mum died. My brothers and their families and me with mine used to go to her house regularly. It just sort of stopped after she died, which is sad. My kids are grown with little ones of their own, they all come to me regularly and so it goes on to the next generation.

[zzxxee]

totally it happened with my oh family when his biological mum passed on (hes adopted) he got in contact when he was 16 she died from terminal cancer in his mid 30s , so in effect he lost her twice.
doesnt see his siblings hardly at all now it was his mum that was the glue that held them together