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Should I ask my Ex back out?
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My ex- who has been living in Germany until recently (with my kids) has just been over visiting her mother with my one daughter aged 12. She split up from the guy she was living with and they share custody of the kids and they decided between them that the kids were best left put living weekdays at his house for school reasons and weekends and holidays with her and her new guy (they live about 150 miles away). This is fine with me as it stands ( two of the kids are mine and I see them very regularly and all is very friendly etc). While they were over I called round to see my daughter only to find that they were off to a theme park in about half an hour- so they invited me. I had a great day with them and in talking to my Ex realised that there are more and more cracks showing in her happiness in Germany with her new guy. I know her very well as a person and I can't help feeling that she's slightly regretful about the way thigns ended between us. It was her decision at the time (she left me) ut things are very different now for the both of us and I wondered if it's worth giing it another try. Do I go for broke and suggest it to her or do you think an Ex is an Ex for a reason? It would cause a fair amount of mayhem if we did get back together as it would split up the kids in Germany so I'm undecided as things as they are are flowing very friendly and pleasant for everyone.
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I wouldn't do anything that might complicate her relationship with her current man; you'll just look as if you've got an agenda (which of course you have). No harm in staying in touch, monitoring the situation as best you can, given the distances involved, and having a shoulder ready in case she needs something to cry on.
And no, I don't think exes have to stay exes forever; people change. If you know why you broke up in the first place and are confident you've fixed it, then it shouldn't be a fatal obstacle.
And no, I don't think exes have to stay exes forever; people change. If you know why you broke up in the first place and are confident you've fixed it, then it shouldn't be a fatal obstacle.
Hi NOX....
To answer your last post...no most people do not feel that way about the other parent this far down the line.
What is your gut feeling? Is the chemistry still there?
If I remember correctly her decision was very sudden. She might have realised that the grass isn't greener but could you forgive and forget 100%?
How's your daughter btw...if you don't mind me asking?
To answer your last post...no most people do not feel that way about the other parent this far down the line.
What is your gut feeling? Is the chemistry still there?
If I remember correctly her decision was very sudden. She might have realised that the grass isn't greener but could you forgive and forget 100%?
How's your daughter btw...if you don't mind me asking?
hi, i am assuminng you're noxlumos...?
if so, i vaguely recall some of your old posts where you mention your home life...and i seem to remember you always being pretty happy, settled and sorted - from what you said anyway
obviously i dont know what happened, but if you think you can rekindle that...then i say go for it...but take it slow... be totally sure before you get to the point of no return and end up causing problems for all of you...
if youre not noxlumos, i would still say the last paragraph to you an suggest you consider whether you are in the same situation...
if so, i vaguely recall some of your old posts where you mention your home life...and i seem to remember you always being pretty happy, settled and sorted - from what you said anyway
obviously i dont know what happened, but if you think you can rekindle that...then i say go for it...but take it slow... be totally sure before you get to the point of no return and end up causing problems for all of you...
if youre not noxlumos, i would still say the last paragraph to you an suggest you consider whether you are in the same situation...
Hi Ummmm and Joko- yeah it's noxlumos joko:)
Yeah our life was always very happy for the most part but sometimes you have to be selfish and I think it was something that she just had to do ( having been entirely unselfish in helping me out of my pit of misery when we first got together). I think she was hoping for something less complicated and she found that what she has now isn't.
Ummm- I don't really consider that I have anything to forgive, she has never acted unreasonably or out of spite so I don't think that aspect would be a problem and yes today for the first time since we split up I think there was a chemistry there maybe- certainly we had a very nice happy day and things were pretty much as they'd been when we were together. If you mean Rivkka who had the accident, she's still wheelchair bound and the prognosis is that she always will be but she's adapted really well and doesn't allow it to hold her back and in fairness to my ex's new partner he's been really good and has spent a small fortune having their house adapted for her so I have no real moans about that. I've not met her newest partner but apparently he's a very nice guy acording to both my ex and my older daughter- but they have their own issues as a couple for reasons I can't really go into, but nothing damaging to the kids.
joko- that's my concern as the kids are very settled, I see them as and when they or I want to and everyone is on remarkably good terms so to rock a very calm boat seems quite wrong.
Yeah our life was always very happy for the most part but sometimes you have to be selfish and I think it was something that she just had to do ( having been entirely unselfish in helping me out of my pit of misery when we first got together). I think she was hoping for something less complicated and she found that what she has now isn't.
Ummm- I don't really consider that I have anything to forgive, she has never acted unreasonably or out of spite so I don't think that aspect would be a problem and yes today for the first time since we split up I think there was a chemistry there maybe- certainly we had a very nice happy day and things were pretty much as they'd been when we were together. If you mean Rivkka who had the accident, she's still wheelchair bound and the prognosis is that she always will be but she's adapted really well and doesn't allow it to hold her back and in fairness to my ex's new partner he's been really good and has spent a small fortune having their house adapted for her so I have no real moans about that. I've not met her newest partner but apparently he's a very nice guy acording to both my ex and my older daughter- but they have their own issues as a couple for reasons I can't really go into, but nothing damaging to the kids.
joko- that's my concern as the kids are very settled, I see them as and when they or I want to and everyone is on remarkably good terms so to rock a very calm boat seems quite wrong.
I'm glad she's adjusted...still must be heartbreaking though :-(
I had to read that a few times to get up to date...
How long has she been with him? It's very hard NOX...does she have her own money? I'm asking this only in case she's staying because he's done so much for her.
(I don't think you have much to loose by dropping a few hints)
I had to read that a few times to get up to date...
How long has she been with him? It's very hard NOX...does she have her own money? I'm asking this only in case she's staying because he's done so much for her.
(I don't think you have much to loose by dropping a few hints)
do you 'know' she is unhappy or is having problems?...or do you just 'sense' it when you are with her...? has she actually said this?
because if theres a chance you are misreading this because its what you want to think then tread carefully...she may just seem 'unhappy' because of him...but is perhaps just wistful about old times and spending the day with you may have been hard for her...opened up old feeling etc...
if you are sure she is regretful, do what dotty said an build up a friendship, let it happen naturally
because if theres a chance you are misreading this because its what you want to think then tread carefully...she may just seem 'unhappy' because of him...but is perhaps just wistful about old times and spending the day with you may have been hard for her...opened up old feeling etc...
if you are sure she is regretful, do what dotty said an build up a friendship, let it happen naturally
Hello Linda- sorry I was typing my answer when you posted so didn't see you 'til now- yeah she knows she can ask for anything she needs- she never does though because she's not that type of woman.
Ummm- she and the first guy were together for 3 years and they have twins of their own- they split up in the summer and this new guy she's with is a very recent addition but they have some complicated things to get over and it's altogether more difficult I think than she anticipated, but essentially apparently he's the best thing since sliced bread- these issues aside. As far as money is concerned she's always flatly refused any money from me and apparently also from the guy she just split up with- she'a a very independent woman who likes to be totally self sufficient and doesn't want anything from anyone financially - so I doubt it's that that makes her stay- I give money to the kids but she won't take a penny.
Ummm- she and the first guy were together for 3 years and they have twins of their own- they split up in the summer and this new guy she's with is a very recent addition but they have some complicated things to get over and it's altogether more difficult I think than she anticipated, but essentially apparently he's the best thing since sliced bread- these issues aside. As far as money is concerned she's always flatly refused any money from me and apparently also from the guy she just split up with- she'a a very independent woman who likes to be totally self sufficient and doesn't want anything from anyone financially - so I doubt it's that that makes her stay- I give money to the kids but she won't take a penny.
Sorry missed posts again.... Umm I had been married before and so had she and most of the kids are now grown up and not living with her or me- she just has my two daughters now and the twins she has with the other guy.
Joko- yes there are definatly problems and quite big ones which she's told me about in detail and asked my opinion about ( I was very subjective) so I'm not imagining her concerns, and yeah I think we both felt like old times which is probably all it is...
Joko- yes there are definatly problems and quite big ones which she's told me about in detail and asked my opinion about ( I was very subjective) so I'm not imagining her concerns, and yeah I think we both felt like old times which is probably all it is...
Ok....
I just had an image of someone taking on loads of kids...If you get what I mean. It's been a few years since I spoke to you so couldn't remember who was who.
Where are you now then....?
Still think you should say something to her...what have you got to lose nox? You use to have an enviable relationship. If you've misread it I'm sure you'd still be left with your dignity.
(I know I'm nosey :-))
I just had an image of someone taking on loads of kids...If you get what I mean. It's been a few years since I spoke to you so couldn't remember who was who.
Where are you now then....?
Still think you should say something to her...what have you got to lose nox? You use to have an enviable relationship. If you've misread it I'm sure you'd still be left with your dignity.
(I know I'm nosey :-))
I'm about 20 miles from Birmingham and there are more Irish in Birmingham than in Belfast let me tell you;-)
Lol, yeah there are a lot of us when you take into account the step kids and waifs and strays when we all get together but she does have her hands full not a little because of Rivkka's situation which is quite demanding.
I'm half tempted to wade in and say something because she's very new to this relationship with the other guy and there are big issues with that and she just seems very unsettled for her and she's really not the type to ask for help- she's always the one whose rock steady and sorted so I'm not sure she'd ever broach it if she did feel that way because she'd be considering the kids etc...
Lol, yeah there are a lot of us when you take into account the step kids and waifs and strays when we all get together but she does have her hands full not a little because of Rivkka's situation which is quite demanding.
I'm half tempted to wade in and say something because she's very new to this relationship with the other guy and there are big issues with that and she just seems very unsettled for her and she's really not the type to ask for help- she's always the one whose rock steady and sorted so I'm not sure she'd ever broach it if she did feel that way because she'd be considering the kids etc...
