Fed up with husband.....

[Cantthinkof12use]

Been with husband for 9 years, moved away from family in City to live with husband in country 5 years ago. Have young son. Very close to my family, last time mum and younger bro came to stay over, husband had a go at my bro over something which I consider trivial. I was torn between the 2. Husband can get awkward over silly things alot of the time, can sulk for days, but when everything is going fine we are very happy. Am now getting to the point where I am sick and tired of him picking at me and my family. Also I gave up work when I had my son as couldnt get part time work, and when in a mood over something he alwyas brings up that I dont work, basically I feel that he resents that I dont work and he does. There are so many more things I could go into. I feel like he is driving me away when he has these moods, but when all is ok, we have a great life.

[Sqad]

So what is your question?

[New Judge]

And the question is....

[Cantthinkof12use]

Just getting my feelings off my chest really and wondering if anyone has got any suggestions on what they might do for the best in my situation.

[B00]

Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

If so, what does he say? If not, it might be a start :-)

[Old_Geezer]

Couples need to be mature enough to talk things over and sort out anything bothering one of them. My suggestion is to politely and without anger talk through the problems you refer to here. You may need to compromise on some things, a perfect match between 2 people is rare enough. And at the end either things are agreed or you may feel it is time to move on ? But first things first.

[rowanwitch]

What does you husband do? how hard would it really be for you to get part time work at least would it be cost effective if you have a small child... is he violent or do you fear for your safety, ...lots of things you could tell us that might give us a clue how to answer you rather than let the poor men get confused...we females are very good at having these diffuse ramblings...

[murraymints]

You need to talk... could he possibly feel a bit put out now you have a child to care for?...does he want/need attention from you ? Does he feel that he is competing against your family for your affection/attention ?....you know how mens egos are....

[andy-hughes]

This is - as the line in the film has it - a classic failure to commmunicate.

Your resentment of your husband shows, but not in ways he can articulate. he responds by sniping at you in a hurtful way - i.e. about you not working (at least not outside the home anyway).

I suspect your husband feels that you resent him for taking you away from your family - and he may be right, I don;t know without knowing you.

You need to talk to each other more than you are right now - instead of expressing what you feel, you are both drawing lines for a war of attrition which will sipmply suck the life out of your relationship.

Try and find some neutral ground - going out for a meal is good, it's quite hard to lose your temper in public.

Broach the subject of your spats, and tell him it's down to both of you to sort it out.

He will be defensive, maybe even nasty at first, which is a defence mechanism. keep calm and ride it out - make sure he knows you are not looking to aporttion blame, only to make sure you can both have open channels of communication.

It may take a few chats, but if you persevere, it will work. Make sure you emphisise how important he is - he may feel that his role as your provider and protector still belongs to your family - maybe you feel it too, but you must let that aspect of your family loyalty go, it is not right to let your husband feel this way.

Hopefully, if you present the two of you as a united front, things will start to improve.

Let us know how you get on.

[tamborine]

He's too bossy as he is sole earner. Stand up to him likewise. You & your son go visit your mum longer & more often.....just to pizz him off.

[Le Chat]

Men who are lucky enough to have a wife who is able to stay at home with their child make me sick to my stomach with this " You don't work" line. Yes, you do work bloody hard, harder than someone out in paid employment. It is hard work and boring alot of the time....but unpaid. He sounds like he needs to grow up. I'm not surprised you are cheesed of with this tricky, childish idiot.

[anneasquith]

comunicate with each other .

[welshlibranr]

remind him that you do actually work, you care for HIS son, and keep his house! eg: cook clean, wash, iron etc,......he needs a reality check, sooner the better!..........

[woofgang]

Has your husband got problems at work or anything stressing him? Men are classic "go in the cave and sulkers" it might be worth saying to him that you have noticed that he is stressed and unhappy and ask what the problem is... Andy is right...you need to talk.

[wheaten]

I know how you feel, Can't. Last year my husband, fed up with where he worked, asked his employers to move him to a new location. We lived in a large, lively town with a good rail network (London for concerts and back in an evening), had a gorgeous house and I had a good, full time job (we don't have kids though, through choice). I now live in a dead end town, miles from anywhere with no railway, it takes an hours bus ride to the nearest large town which isn't a great town either. I am now on Jobseekers Allowance, but there is a lack of jobs here.
He swings between loving the area and hating it, nagging me about work, money etc. He also comes up with harebrained ideas such as seeking medical/early retirement, moving to a smaller place/narrowboat,opening his own business etc. I know I should be grateful for a house, food etc but it is really getting me down! Best of luck!

[tamborine]

OH bought caravan for us and was in the process of selling our home but died before a price was agreed; I got both :)

[mkeen61267]

You need to tell him how unhappy is making you. My wife and I have been together for 12 years and recently she told me that is was nitpicking and throwing money back in her face as I earn all the money. I think it is the stress of being responsible for the family that gets to us men. You need to get him to talk to you.

[keirah]

he sounds a catch

[murraymints]

keirah.... then throw him into the sea for someone else to catch ...lol

[Pipram]

Soooooooooooo familiar. Just wait till he starts getting ill to nail you down. Never forget men try to be kids (see what that makes you...). I've found an answer (the grass, by the way, is NOT always greener on the other side) : I'm into premenopause, so I'm the one out of action all of a sudden from time to time. Shifts the balance. Stay yourself, do what you're happy doing and ignore his tantrums. We shouldn't waste our energy on negativity, there's enough real looking after (and that's REAL work) to be getting on with, family (v. important) children and most importantly ourselves.