Mother’s Day Humour

If you are looking for a chuckle on Mother’s Day then look no further.

Mother's Dictionary of Meanings:

•    Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
•    Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
•    Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at them.
•    Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
•    Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
•    Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
•    Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
•    Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
•    Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
•    Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pyjamas.
•    Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Things Mum Would Never Say:

•    "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
•    "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
•    "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
•    "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
•    "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
•    "Well, if your friend’s mum says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
•    "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
•    "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
•    "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

Humorous tales:

•    For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.  The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mummy ate it!"

•    Son: “Mum, teacher was asking me today, if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school.”

Mum: “That’s nice of her to take such an interest in you. So what did she say when you told her that you’re the only child, my dear?”

Son: “She just said…“Thank goodness!”

•    A small boy is sent to bed by his mother... [Five minutes later]

"Mum..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mum..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mummm..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"

If you would like more Mother’s Day humour why not visit AnswerBank Phrases and Sayings.