ChatterBank2 mins ago
Advise on letter writing please.
With my Mums consent, in the search for her birth Mother I think I have found her birth Mothers brother.
My Mum wants me to write a letter to him, but I have no idea how to start it or word it without causing offence as its possible that the family know nothing about my Mother.
Her Mum was only 14 when she gave birth to her in 1945 and promptly gave my Mum up for adoption as in those days having a child so young was very much frowned upon. Any ideas would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance
My Mum wants me to write a letter to him, but I have no idea how to start it or word it without causing offence as its possible that the family know nothing about my Mother.
Her Mum was only 14 when she gave birth to her in 1945 and promptly gave my Mum up for adoption as in those days having a child so young was very much frowned upon. Any ideas would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance
Answers
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I would suggest that you contact some professionals for guidance with this - they may even be prepared to do the contacting for you. They are very experienced at knowing the right approach. There are two groups who spring to mind - NORCAP or The Post Adoption Centre
http://www.norcap.org.uk/
www.postadoptioncentre.org.uk
Good luck. I am a birth mother who was reunited with her son after 38 years.
http://www.norcap.org.uk/
www.postadoptioncentre.org.uk
Good luck. I am a birth mother who was reunited with her son after 38 years.
Write it as a short story giving the Christian names and locations to see if anything is familiar, and make it light hearted and curious but not desperate and pleading. I think most people would respond positively whether you have the right people or not.
Outline the family history that you have since that date to explain the current relationships.
Dotty
Outline the family history that you have since that date to explain the current relationships.
Dotty
I'm not sure about Dot's answer. It may be that your mother's birth mother has not told her husband & possible further children - as well as other family members. I know of someone in this situation. Writing the whole story could open up a real can of worms. Also the automatic reaction of the birth mother may be to say no to contact in a situation like this..
I know that the professionals have other ways of contact that does not give too much away but can establish identity nevertheless. Please tread carefully for your own sake - you want this to have a happy conclusion after all. Please get professional advice.
I know that the professionals have other ways of contact that does not give too much away but can establish identity nevertheless. Please tread carefully for your own sake - you want this to have a happy conclusion after all. Please get professional advice.
Ideally it would always be better for the birth mother to be contacted direct - but confidentially - that way no one else need know if the situation is difficult. Therefore all the professionals would try to do via the brother is get hold of the address of his sister - without telling him anything except perhaps that she is an old school lfriend they want to contact for example.
I know someone who has has contact with her birth mother for 6 years and meets her but the birth monther's husband and children do not know. The b m prefers it that way and her wishes are respected but at least my friend has contact regularly that way.
If you still want to do the contact yourself without help, try just to get the birth mother's address from the brother. Invent a reason for contacting her - ask if he is the brother of ........ who you used to work with years ago/ met on holiday/went to school with for instance.
I know someone who has has contact with her birth mother for 6 years and meets her but the birth monther's husband and children do not know. The b m prefers it that way and her wishes are respected but at least my friend has contact regularly that way.
If you still want to do the contact yourself without help, try just to get the birth mother's address from the brother. Invent a reason for contacting her - ask if he is the brother of ........ who you used to work with years ago/ met on holiday/went to school with for instance.
Thank you all for your answers.
It is a very delicate situation and I really do not wish to "open a can of worms".
I may try and find the Birth Mothers address first, before contacting the brother. I have not heard of Norcap so I will look at their website also.
Congratulations on being reunited with your son JK2. I do hope this situation will end positvely also.
It is a very delicate situation and I really do not wish to "open a can of worms".
I may try and find the Birth Mothers address first, before contacting the brother. I have not heard of Norcap so I will look at their website also.
Congratulations on being reunited with your son JK2. I do hope this situation will end positvely also.
Most birth mothers - like me - know about NORCAP. It is worth contacting them because you may even find that at some point she registered with them that she wanted to be found if your mum got in touch - lots of women do that. I did.
There is also a thing called the General Register in Southport where birth mothers & adopted children can register so try that.
I would get help in trying to trace your Gran because - by my calculation - if she is still alive she is now 76/77 and you don't want to leave it too late.
I definitely think it is worth pursuing the brother connection but not necessarily telling the truth about why you want to contact his sister. If he just thinks that your mum and his sister are old friends he may be happy to give you her phone number.
If you live in London you can use the Family Records Office at Islington to try and track a marriage certificate for your mum's mum. If you want more info on this let me have an email address & I'll give you all the help I can. You can also try Friends re-united. You know her age and the area she lived in when you mum was born (from the birth certificate) so you could look for schools in the area and look at the class lists for 1945 and the next couple of years. She may have registered. Again I'll help if you want more info.
There is also a thing called the General Register in Southport where birth mothers & adopted children can register so try that.
I would get help in trying to trace your Gran because - by my calculation - if she is still alive she is now 76/77 and you don't want to leave it too late.
I definitely think it is worth pursuing the brother connection but not necessarily telling the truth about why you want to contact his sister. If he just thinks that your mum and his sister are old friends he may be happy to give you her phone number.
If you live in London you can use the Family Records Office at Islington to try and track a marriage certificate for your mum's mum. If you want more info on this let me have an email address & I'll give you all the help I can. You can also try Friends re-united. You know her age and the area she lived in when you mum was born (from the birth certificate) so you could look for schools in the area and look at the class lists for 1945 and the next couple of years. She may have registered. Again I'll help if you want more info.
Ge the help of a professional just to make sure or get a second opinion.
http://www.writelette...egory/transfer-letter
http://www.writelette...egory/transfer-letter
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