ChatterBank0 min ago
FOA any ex squaddies, recognise anyone?
If your a squaddie, stab or UOTC then you must be able to relate to at least 5 of these.
You know you've been Defence institutionalised (Made military) when...You use target indication to point out hot chicks...
You use the term 'chicks'
You insist on dancing like a dick, whilst your civvie mates insist on trying to dance 'properly'.
Your civvie mates don't understand any of the terminology you use such as 'no dramas', 'squared away', 'take a knee' etc....
You can't help saying "Roger", "Say again" and other snappy bits of VP
You use acronyms thinking your civvie mates will understand what you are talking about
You don't have any civvie mates....
You cringe, and mutter under your breath 'haircut', when you see men with long hair.
You walk at a ridiculous pace and are physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace of your girlfriend.
You refer to personal organisation as "admin"
Your girlfriend is stored in your mobile phone address book as 'Zero Alpha'
You use patrol hand signals in a night club if people can't hear you
You always use the 24 hour clock....
Nothing soldiers do shocks you any more....
You can't watch war movies without giving a running commentary.
People in prison have more contact with women than you do....
Whenever you spell something out you use the phonetic alphabet....
You don't trust your mum/wife/girlfriend/any woman to iron your kit because deep down you think that your ironing is better....
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Cont:
You point using your whole hand in a karate chop motion....
You find that the conversation somehow always comes back round to you, because you're more interesting than most topics of conversation....
You think not shaving is a treat....
You get really irritated when people you don't know call you 'mate'....
You can read a junk mail catalogue from cover to cover and refer to everything that is useful as a Gucci bit of kit.
You refer to smoke as 'a double edged sword'.
You spend hours wondering where in civvie street you can get an equal disposable income and at least 6 weeks holiday a year, by completing an inversely proportionally tiny amount of tangible work
Your blood boils when you see civvies wearing DPM.
Going out on Thursday "international army night out" wherever it may be,or whichever course one is on, involves forming the ring-of-steel, talking about ourselves and the army and aggressively staring at girls; who if they don't immediately come over are obviously lesbians.
Should any man dare break this ritual, and despite talking to the prettiest of girls - as we would like to do, if it weren't for the fact we tend to chew our own tongues and dribble - he is clearly gay!
You come out in a cold sweat if you find yourself still working after lunch on a Friday....
You have to stop work at 10am for NAAFI break or else you might not make it to lunch....
You point using your whole hand in a karate chop motion....
You find that the conversation somehow always comes back round to you, because you're more interesting than most topics of conversation....
You think not shaving is a treat....
You get really irritated when people you don't know call you 'mate'....
You can read a junk mail catalogue from cover to cover and refer to everything that is useful as a Gucci bit of kit.
You refer to smoke as 'a double edged sword'.
You spend hours wondering where in civvie street you can get an equal disposable income and at least 6 weeks holiday a year, by completing an inversely proportionally tiny amount of tangible work
Your blood boils when you see civvies wearing DPM.
Going out on Thursday "international army night out" wherever it may be,or whichever course one is on, involves forming the ring-of-steel, talking about ourselves and the army and aggressively staring at girls; who if they don't immediately come over are obviously lesbians.
Should any man dare break this ritual, and despite talking to the prettiest of girls - as we would like to do, if it weren't for the fact we tend to chew our own tongues and dribble - he is clearly gay!
You come out in a cold sweat if you find yourself still working after lunch on a Friday....
You have to stop work at 10am for NAAFI break or else you might not make it to lunch....
Cont:
At least half of your DVD collection are war movies....
Even though your disposable income is twice that of a civvie you still manage to spend it all, every month, with nothing to show for it, about a week after you've told all your soldiers that you 'can't believe how much money they waste on the urine'....
You feel guilty about wearing jeans in front of senior officers in the mess
The sight of rolling countryside makes you scan for 'enemy depth'....
You think that eating every meal for a week with the same spoon that you licked clean and kept in the pocket of the same shirt you've worn all week is perfectly normal....
All of your food has to be prepared by a chef because you're incapable of cooking anything that can't either be boiled in a bag or eaten cold....
You lie when people ask you what you do for a living....
When leaving your phone number on a voice message you can't just give it once, has to be repeated.
When surveying open ground (when not looking for enemy in depth) you think, good tank country. If a forestry block - I could get a platoon in here
You survey open ground.
When you are pointing out some natural feature you begin with "Reference bushy topped tree etc etc"
At least half of your DVD collection are war movies....
Even though your disposable income is twice that of a civvie you still manage to spend it all, every month, with nothing to show for it, about a week after you've told all your soldiers that you 'can't believe how much money they waste on the urine'....
You feel guilty about wearing jeans in front of senior officers in the mess
The sight of rolling countryside makes you scan for 'enemy depth'....
You think that eating every meal for a week with the same spoon that you licked clean and kept in the pocket of the same shirt you've worn all week is perfectly normal....
All of your food has to be prepared by a chef because you're incapable of cooking anything that can't either be boiled in a bag or eaten cold....
You lie when people ask you what you do for a living....
When leaving your phone number on a voice message you can't just give it once, has to be repeated.
When surveying open ground (when not looking for enemy in depth) you think, good tank country. If a forestry block - I could get a platoon in here
You survey open ground.
When you are pointing out some natural feature you begin with "Reference bushy topped tree etc etc"
Cont:
Your girlfriend has started saying "admin" and gave you the "Chop" when telling you to put the bin out.
When meeting mates in a pub you always turn up 5 minutes early and are secretly angry that nobody else has.....Worse still, if it's a venue you haven't been to before, you turn up 15 minutes early to put in a CTR, in order that you are definitely there 5 minutes early.
You subconsciously red-pen everything you read.
Oh my god..... That's me to a tee
Your girlfriend has started saying "admin" and gave you the "Chop" when telling you to put the bin out.
When meeting mates in a pub you always turn up 5 minutes early and are secretly angry that nobody else has.....Worse still, if it's a venue you haven't been to before, you turn up 15 minutes early to put in a CTR, in order that you are definitely there 5 minutes early.
You subconsciously red-pen everything you read.
Oh my god..... That's me to a tee
I have to laugh at this. Being a wife of an ex squaddie, I have had to adapt to most of the above! Ironing as we have discussed before is a bug bare of his (I'm banned!)
Also I'm only allowed to say 'clear' if he's asking me if the road is clear to my left, when we're at a junction!
Phonetic alphabet (always!)
He walks so fast and big paces too! I have to practically run to keep up!
He also has a sick sense of humour when it comes to death, he says it's how they cope with things when on tour!
We also had a major falling out, when I wasn't listening to his instruction when putting up a tent some years back!
Phrases he uses such as 'fudge factor' 'admin' 'noggin'
But I have to say... army life has made him a little confused in the 'real world', he has no clue how to pay a gas bill or how to sort out mortgange etc!!! thank god for us women!
Also I'm only allowed to say 'clear' if he's asking me if the road is clear to my left, when we're at a junction!
Phonetic alphabet (always!)
He walks so fast and big paces too! I have to practically run to keep up!
He also has a sick sense of humour when it comes to death, he says it's how they cope with things when on tour!
We also had a major falling out, when I wasn't listening to his instruction when putting up a tent some years back!
Phrases he uses such as 'fudge factor' 'admin' 'noggin'
But I have to say... army life has made him a little confused in the 'real world', he has no clue how to pay a gas bill or how to sort out mortgange etc!!! thank god for us women!
I bought him a load of joggin bottoms as I thought he might want to chill out in them! He has demoted them to use when painting!
He also has a perminant T-**** tan! And still like his hair cut the same! (you've seen his pics) it's been the same since I've known him!
Never heard of mag to grid, but if he is throwing something out, he usually says that he's putting it in 'file13'!
He's also the only man I know that actually reads DIY instruction! Very methodical!
He also has a perminant T-**** tan! And still like his hair cut the same! (you've seen his pics) it's been the same since I've known him!
Never heard of mag to grid, but if he is throwing something out, he usually says that he's putting it in 'file13'!
He's also the only man I know that actually reads DIY instruction! Very methodical!
http://www.jimmyinbusiness.org.uk/modules.php? name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=40
This might be useful! - Some I've heard of! ;0)
This might be useful! - Some I've heard of! ;0)
Hi john, andrea, BM,
despite leaving the RAF life 26 years ago, most of the above is still so familiar to me, and the instruction thing at a junction thing, that was one of the causes of our divorce!!!!
I lived in fear and dread of the white glove myth of the dreaded March out for 5 years!!!!
He was MR and in one rescue in the brecons they recovered a leg and were filmed by tv crew doing a jake the peg impression as they carried the stretcher down the hill : (((
despite leaving the RAF life 26 years ago, most of the above is still so familiar to me, and the instruction thing at a junction thing, that was one of the causes of our divorce!!!!
I lived in fear and dread of the white glove myth of the dreaded March out for 5 years!!!!
He was MR and in one rescue in the brecons they recovered a leg and were filmed by tv crew doing a jake the peg impression as they carried the stretcher down the hill : (((
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