eviction! help us

[squidgey]

Hi all

I'm in desperate need of advice -please bear with me this may take a while  

my local council has advised me that they are applying 2 the courts for an eviction order!

My 2 sons (aged 12 /14 ) have got Acceptable behaviour contracts + the youngest has to attend court because of criminal damage he caused. I believe my council + the police are gathering evidence to issue him with an ASBO

I do understand how my neighbourhood feels with the local children doing the things that are getting them ASBOS but people /police and councils seem to think that i am condoning this behaviour -i would like nothing more than my 2 children to stop what they are doing but how can i do that?

I cant smack them?  I could ground them -they would just walk out? Ive stopped there pocket money and they just turn to stealing - furthering the problem.ive stopped days out and even banned christmas but nothing seems to have worked? What am i to do ?

I have my own business that i run with their father (my partner) from home even that is now in jepordy.No home no work = no money / no food / rent . I cant afford to rent privately - and it seems as we will be evicted on grounds of anti social behaviour no body seems to want to help :0(

It appears the council want us to throw our 2 children out or put them in care... then we can keep our house :0(  It seems because i have naughty children im going to lose my family /home  :0( We're not prepared to throw out our children + as they live here the eviction order will probably be served ,we will be evicted and will lose them anyway as i wont be able to provide accomadation for them so they will then be placed in care .

Im at my wits end i dont know what to do

Please help -anybody

[Chessman]

Hi squidgey, afraid I don't have any real advice, but I can understand where your coming from, how a bit of 'tough love', with the co-operation of the authorities, ask if they will take them into care for a short period, say 2-4 weeks, making the children understand that if they don't modify their behaviour, it may be made permanent. I'm sure they don't want that to happen as much as you don't.  Desperate times need desperate measures.

[Ding-Dong]

They sound like a right couple of little scumbags: They are not 'naughty', they are anti-social criminals, and should be treated as such.

[jake-the-peg]

Please ignore the obvious remarks you'll get it's a lot easier to post things than that anonymously over the internet than it is when you have to look someone in the eye!

Have you gone to the citizens advice bureau yet? I think you need some professional legal advice of the type that we can't give you here.

[squidgey]

thank you chessman and jake-the-peg i am going to ring citizens advice and see what advice they can offer me i dont think i could place them in care -

ding-dong - have you got children ? can you remember being a child?

when i look at my two boys ...yes i see two teenage criminals but i also still see my two children.

Yes its wrong what they and there friends do but how many people can honestly say they have never commited any crime (anti social or not) that has or could of affected another? Not many i would guess!

When my 2 sons go out on the evening with there friends it doesn't take long for one of them to aggrevate the local shopkeeper and before you know it the police are bringing them back but ....when we had a local youth club not once did any of them get brought back by the police! I believe yes its my responsibilty to control their behaviour but the council must apprieciate that children need things to do /places to go otherwise its inevitable they will crowd round local shops etc.

So ding dong maybe we do deserve what ever happens to us and despite how you answered i truely hope your children dont 'go off the rails' i love my children,i care for my children but controlling them (or anyone) isn't easy.

Thanks for listening :0) lisa x

[Ding-Dong]

One daughter - just turned two. Can remember my childhood, the worse I did was scrumping a couple of apples.......and anybody who stupidly says that scrumping a couple of apples is 'still' stealing is a complete plank.

I certainly don't want you evicted - why would I? - but I am tired of hearing people blame the actions of their kids on anything and everything OTHER THAN their kids.

I don't doubt for a minute that you love your kids - what parent wouldn't - but those of us outside looking in will just see a couple of horrible kids.

I'm sorry, but that's the way it is - I've reached the conclusion that your kids are horrible just from your original post - the reality is that you are still seeing your kids through a mother's eyes and therefore may have downplayed what exactly they get up to!

If they carry on what they are doing, you may find that their next step is burglary or mugging old ladies for their pittance of a pension.

What then?

[squidgey]

Scrumping is stealing - how would you of felt - lovingly growing your fruits for some child to come and scrump them?

And i dont think i ever blamed anyone but my children for their actions i just want my local council and other councils to apprieciate that if there are no parks/youth clubs etc how are the kids supposed to spend there free time , where are they to go?

anyway thankyou all for your replies

hopefully my 'criminals' will come good in the end and not turn to mugging old ladies etc

Thanks again

lisa x

[sandbach99]

As you are unable to disipline your children ie you are unable to ground them, you are going to have to get back the upper hand. It will not be easy and will involve lots of tears. Obviously at their ages you cannot use a naughty corner etc. Lock the doors and windows and make them sit down and understand the seriousness of your situation, show them the council letter, tell them that it is their fault, tell them that if they carry on with their unacceptable behaviour you will be homeless, they could end up in care and in different homes anywhere in the country, they will lose their posessions, no doubt they will say its not fair etc. Try to break them away from their friends, take them out to the pictures, 10 pin bowling anything to stop any further trouble yes it may cost money or your time but which is better your home or lose it. Ask at the citizens advice, social workers, doctors for help to regain control, If the council can be shown that you are really trying to stop the unacceptable behaviour you may get a stay or postponement of the eviction notice.
Your love for your children has let them control you, you can win control back and will gain benefits from it.

It may be worth getting a doctors appointment to make sure there is no hidden illness which is causing the bad behaviour, it may also be worth removing all additives from food and drink ie no coca cola etc let them drink fresh fruit juice or water these additives do cause some children to become hyper and behave badly. Read all labels carefully.

A lot of hard work, tears, frustration and shouting but it will be worth it.